


Heat

by OokamiNoShippitsu



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Against all odds, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Firefighters, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Blasphemy, Emotional Damage, Eventual Romance, Fluff, I have a weird sense of humour, Likely smut, Love Triangle, M/M, Playful! Eren, Slow Build, Swearing, Trigger - Acrophobia, Trigger - Pyrophobia, Violence, ereri, riren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-02-23 23:38:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 56,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2560025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OokamiNoShippitsu/pseuds/OokamiNoShippitsu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven years ago, Eren Jaeger’s life changed for the worst. A mysterious community-serving delinquent saved him from his grief and inspired him to be something he’d never thought to be – a firefighter. In the present, he meets Captain Levi Ackerman of the Survey Corps Firefighting Division and discovers his feelings toward him run deeper than admiration.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Black Smoke

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin or any of its characters.

_Seven years earlier_

Their lives could be considered as normal at ten years old. 

Eren, Mikasa and Armin were at school like any other day during recess. They were at that delicate age where they were considered too old to be playing games but still young enough to be considered children and in need of a teacher. The teacher meant to be supervising pretended to care but didn’t really give a shit. 

Armin was babbling about a book he’d found in the library about the ocean. He really loved the sea. So much, in fact, that Eren had begun to share his love. He listened enthusiastically and asked questions about the new details that Armin had learned. Mikasa was silent but her eyes smiled as she listened and that was enough for Eren. He knew she wouldn’t – couldn’t – smile like everyone else right now but he also knew that she was happiest when with Armin and himself. The trio was inseparable. 

Mikasa had been adopted into Eren’s family two years before, and the pair had met Armin shortly after. Even though they hadn’t known each other for long, the bonds they had formed were already unbreakable. Armin felt as much at home at the Jaeger household as he did at his own, and vice versa. He loved Carla and Grisha Jaeger and they adored him in return, praising his academic aptitude and encouraging him to keep looking after their son. 

Eren generally squawked in indignation that he even needed to be looked after and Mikasa would automatically repeatedly smack his back because she believed him to be choking. Eren would blush furiously and proclaim loudly that he could take care of himself and Mikasa would respond by shoving a spoonful of food in his mouth causing him to actually choke. 

He would cough and splutter and his eyes would water and Mikasa would ask him why he was crying. He would furiously deny any tears and blush even further red as she fussed over him and Armin would laugh with Carla and Grisha until tears were coming out of their own eyes. Eren would always pretend to be furious but they all knew that he was secretly happy that he could make them laugh. He gave it away when the tips of ears blushed.

“The sea is so big, it covers most of the earth!” said Armin excitedly,

“No way!” Eren replied. “Liar!

“No, really!” Armin said, eyes glittering. “And Miss Maria said-”

Eren didn’t hear what Miss Maria said. His attention was suddenly stolen by ear-piercing sirens and brightly flashing lights. A huge red monstrosity streaked past the school grounds and blared its horn. As if the sirens weren’t loud enough. 

“Eren?” 

Eren turned to Mikasa. She lifted her head and her red scarf slipped down her neck a little. Her eyes were wide as she studied him. “What’s wrong?”

Eren glanced back to the spot where he’d last seen the fire truck. He could vaguely hear the direction it was heading in from the racket it left behind. He then noticed the huge, black billows of smoke not far off from the school.

A question stuck in his throat. Was in the same direction…?

“Hey,” Armin said. “Isn’t the smoke coming from-?”

“Eren!” Mikasa shouted.

Eren didn’t turn back. He kept running. He sprinted under the supervisor’s nose and through the school gates. He felt his feet slap hard against the pavement as he ran along the route that he usually walked after school. 

_When I turn this corner, my house will be there. Just like always._

Eren only stopped running when a strong arm gripped his wrist to prevent him from heading straight under the threshold of his house. He struggled vainly against the grip of Hannes – a family friend of the Jaeger household. The colours of his uniform blended together and Eren was shocked to discover he was crying. 

“Eren, you can’t go in there, okay?” Hannes said. He kneeled so that he was at Eren’s height but didn’t release his grip. “It’s not safe for kids like you.”

Eren turned back to what was once his home. Windows were shattered and that smoke… The black just kept pouring out of the house, punctured only by flashes of yellow, orange and red. Eren strained against Hannes’ hold and could feel the heat of the fire on his face. He could feel the tears drying as he faced his house. 

“Come on, Eren,” said Hannes, “It’s not safe to be this close.”

“Eren!”

He twisted to face Mikasa, who had undoubtedly followed him. Armin arrived, panting, a few moments later.

“Oh, no…” Armin murmured, the flashing lights of the fire reflecting in his wide blue eyes that were shiny with soon-to-be shed tears. 

Mikasa wasn’t crying and came forward to grab Eren’s free arm. Her eyes flicked over his face and she opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by a loud scream from inside the house.

Carla Jaeger never raised her voice. She was a naturally soft spoken person. The loudest she could manage was a firm tone when scolding Eren or her laughter when he did something that amused her. 

He had never heard her scream before. 

The scream came again and broke off into audible sobs.

Eren took advantage of Mikasa and Hannes’ simultaneous distraction to leap forward and plunge himself into the house. He ignored them shouting his name just as he ignored the stifling heat that hit his face and scorched his lungs with every smoky breath he drew. 

He struggled through the fallen debris and patches of flames to glance in all the rooms. Then, a flash of gut feeling causes him to instinctively head for the kitchen; the daily sight of coming home to his mom washing dishes hardwired into him. The green and well-worn couches in the living room that housed so many memories of the family sitting and laughing together were blackened and aflame. Curtains in the bedrooms were no longer of thick material to block out sunlight but cloaks of flame that roiled like living things.

Eren entered the kitchen that was almost completely black from the smoke and stopped to cough harshly. His throat and eyes burned but he then caught sight of his mother’s familiar white apron on the floor slightly ahead of him. He fell to his knees and crawled towards it. As his fingers touched the hem of the material, he realised that it was being held over the mouth of his mother. Her eyes were clenched tightly against the smoke and tears were forming paths down her soot-stained cheeks. It looked like part of the roof had fallen in and one of the beams along with pieces of the ceiling was lying across her back.

“Mom?”

Eren had spoken so softly, yet Carla lifted her eyes in panic to meet his gaze.

“Eren?” she gasped, looking dazed.

“Mom!”

And suddenly Mikasa was there beside him.

“Mikasa, grab that side!” he ordered, motioning towards the beam. “We need to get this off her!”

Eren could hear a faint hissing sound and when he looked behind his mother, he noticed through a gap in the smoke that one of the pipes behind the stove was sticking out strangely and the air coming from it was slightly distorted. 

This wasn’t good.

“Hurry, Mikasa!” Eren screamed frantically, his throat scratching worse and worse.

“I know!” Mikasa shouted back, her voice slightly muffled by the scarf over her mouth. 

Carla strained to look behind her, “The gas is leaking, isn’t it? Eren, just take Mikasa and run! Now!”

Eren could feel his fingers bleeding as he gripped the beam even harder, “I want to run! But I want you to run with us!”

“Eren, my legs are crushed, I won’t be able to run even if I do get out. Just go!”

“Then I’ll carry you!” Eren screamed, tears running down his cheeks.

“Why do you never listen to me? At least listen this one time! Please, Eren, just go, before all three of us- Hannes!”

Eren glanced over his shoulder and saw a man in a bulky fire-suit. Eren could see Hannes’ face through his glass visor, the man’s eyebrows scrunched severely.

“Please, Hannes! Take the children and get them out! The gas is leaking! Please, Hannes!” He and Carla locked gazes through his mask. 

“Please,” she begged, “You owe me that much.” 

Hannes hesitated and then gave a small nod. 

“Thank you,” she said, smiling faintly.

Hannes scooped one child in each of his arms and started in the direction of the living room – and the front door. 

“Mom!” Eren screamed, struggling wildly in the fireman’s grip. “No! Hannes, what are you doing? No, let me go! Mom!”

Hannes seemed to decide quickly as the hissing sound increased that they wouldn’t make it to the door in time. He pushed forward to one of the windows that had already been blasted out. Mikasa, facing forward, noted the direction and shielded her face from any possible loose shards of glass. Eren was still watching his abandoned mother trapped in the kitchen.

“Mom!”

He was still watching as the gas ignited and flames seemed to blossom around the form of his mother in slow motion. It enveloped her in a cloud of yellows and reds and blue and outlined the shape of her outstretched hand. 

“Mo-”

Hannes threw both children and himself out the window just as the force of the explosion shattered the rest of the windows. Some of it had even caught them mid-air and propelled them even further out onto the front lawn. 

Plumes of heat seared out above Eren as he lay on the grass with his face to the sky. His face contorted as he tried to cry but no tears would fall. His eyes stung and burned almost as much as his throat and his chest when he tried to breathe in. It was difficult to keep breathing. It felt like he had a weight on his chest, like he was trapped under that beam with his mother. 

_Mom…_

He couldn’t save her. He was too weak. Eren scrunched his eyes closed, wishing that he could cry. The tears still wouldn’t come.

“Oi.”

Eren’s eyes fluttered open again. A boy of maybe fifteen years was looking down at him with his hand reaching for him. His hair was black, almost as black as the smoke. His eyebrows were set in a frown and his lips were a tight line. 

“Oi,” he repeated, now waving the outstretched hand in Eren’s face, “Shitty brat. Come on, let me help you up.”

Eren tried to say he wasn’t a brat. He was ten years old! Eleven in March! He tried to swear back at the teenager but he dissolved into a fit of coughing that seared his lungs and had spots appearing before his vision. 

“Hey, hey, it’s going to be all right, kid,” said the teenager suddenly said in a surprisingly gentle voice. Eren didn’t fight when the boy carefully picked him up and held him against his chest, Eren’s ear right against the boy’s heartbeat. He clutched the boy’s shirt tightly in his fist and felt rather than heard a rumbling sound of disapproval reverberating in the boy’s chest. 

His eyes were getting so heavy. He hardly noticed as the boy carried him slowly towards one of the ambulances. Had they been there before Eren had gone into the fire or had they arrived while he was in there? He couldn’t remember. Eren’s eyes fluttered closed. Maybe he could sleep for a bit. The boy probably wouldn’t mind. The steady, strong heartbeat against his ear calmed his own racing heart and Eren’s thoughts became gradually dimmer. His grip on the boy’s shirt started loosening and his breath came in short, small little pants. 

“Hey, kid, don’t go to sleep. Oi. Oi.” Eren’s cheek was lightly pinched and he reluctantly opened his eyes, gazing up weakly at the boy. His eyes were grey. He was still frowning, perhaps even more so. “Come on, brat, stay with me here.”

“I’m not a brat,” Eren managed to croak. 

The boy actually cracked a small smile and an even smaller laugh rumbled in his chest. “Sure thing, kid.”

Eren frowned but tightened his fist around the material as he fought to keep conscious. 

The boy came up to the ambulance and tried to hand Eren over to one of the paramedics. The paramedic pulled and the boy let go but Eren remained against his chest. With a puzzled sound, the boy looked down to find Eren’s other hand entangled in his shirt and his little face scrunched up in determination to keep smooshed against his chest.

“Come on, kid, let go. They need to make sure you’re okay,” he said in exasperation, trying to pry off Eren’s little fingers.

“No, please…” Eren whispered and his shoulders gave a slight shake. The boy sighed and returned to holding him and Eren relaxed slightly.

“Just look over him like this. I’ll sit with him,” the boy said to the paramedic. The woman hesitated but then nodded and motioned the boy to sit on one of the stretchers set out. He wiggled backwards slightly onto the stretcher and Eren almost felt bad for causing so much trouble.

Eren allowed himself to only be pried enough away for the paramedic to check most of his vitals. He managed to keep his face against that steady heartbeat that he felt was important in keeping his own going. Shocked, he realised that he had started crying. He desperately buried his face deeper and struggled to keep his body from shaking. He didn’t need to be called a kid for crying too.

But his efforts were in vain. 

When the paramedic moved away for a bit, the boy awkwardly patted Eren on the head and said softly, “Hey kid, it’s okay to cry, you know. You’ll come away from this stronger. So cry. No one’s looking. Fuck, even if they are, then don’t give a shit what anyone else says, got it?”

Eren was a little taken aback before he smiled a little in gratitude.

And so he cried. 

~~~~~

There was a moment’s pause as the boy realised his crude language and grimaced a little, but he still hoped he got through to the kid. He was then rewarded with the smallest of smiles before the kid’s little bottom lip wobbled and he started to bawl. The boy was a bit taken back at the sheer volume and even more surprised when the kid flung his arms around his neck.

But he was most surprised to find himself hugging the child to him and just letting the tears flow. 

The paramedic was a bit shocked when she returned to find the child sobbing against his chest, but with a small little smile said, “You know, it’s actually a miracle. He should be far worse from the exposure to heat and smoke but the only problem seems to be exhaustion. I think he’s going to be okay but I’d like to send him through to the hospital just in case.”

“Why are you telling me this?” the boy asked irritably, quietly glad that the little shit wasn’t going to die.

“Well, it doesn’t look like you’re planning on letting him go anytime soon,” she said with a playful laugh and walked away to join another paramedic who was examining a little girl with black hair and a red scarf.

The boy examined the child in his arms and found that he’d stopped crying and had fallen into a mostly peaceful sleep. He huffed and adjusted the child so he was cradled against his chest again. 

“Never took you for the mothering type, Levi.”

“Fuck off, Erwin.”

The boy – Levi – didn’t release the child in his arms as he glared at the irritatingly tall fireman that was the only reason for Levi being here at all. 

Erwin looked down at the kid quietly and his features softened. Even those ridiculous eyebrows of his seemed less dramatic as they were drawn in concern and not getting ready to take flight.

“Do you see it, Levi?” he asked, not taking his eyes off the boy’s face.

Levi was about to respond snarkily but he knew what Erwin meant. 

“This is why we do this,” the man continued, “So little kids like him can be saved. It’s not all riding around spraying water into people’s faces uselessly and sliding down poles for the kick of it. It’s about freeing people from the fear and dangers of fires. Understand?”

“I understand,” Levi admitted quietly, now also watching the child’s face as he slept. 

“Right,” said Erwin, “Well, when you get back from the hospital I’ll have the paperwork ready for you to sign, okay?”

“Stupid old man, I didn’t say anything about wanting to be a firefighter,” Levi snarled, but it was a half-hearted attempt at best and Erwin knew it.

“Right, right,” he said and laughed as he walked off. Levi huffed again and went back to studying the kid’s face again.

_Would it really be so bad to keep saving people?_

“Levi! Hey, where’d you get the kid?”

Levi looked up again at the voice of Isabel. She was grinning excitedly but Farlan next to her looked uncomfortable and ready to leave.

“What is it?” Levi asked.

“Oh, he’s cute!” she continued, reaching over to pinch one of his cheeks. Levi surprised both her and himself when he leaned backwards out of her reach.

“He’s sleeping,” Levi muttered, feeling his cheeks heat up a little. Isabel grinned knowingly after a moment and pet Levi on the head causing him to glare at her. 

“You know, we were all wrong about these guys, Levi,” she said, “This looks so exciting! And fun! Well, not as fun as sliding down that pole thingy but well you know-”

“Isabel.”

“Right! Well, I was thinking of, well, you know, applying for training and actually, um, becoming a firefighter instead of, well, doing this community service thing…” Isabel trailed off unconfidently which was unusual for her.

“Isabel!” Farlan snapped, “This is dangerous! Not everyone makes it out of there alive, you know. Even this kid’s mother is-”

“Farlan.” 

Farlan broke off when he heard how dangerously low Levi’s voice had gotten.

“I’m just saying,” he finished weakly, “That you should consider it more carefully.”

Isabel looked dejected and glanced towards the floor but looked back up when Levi spoke again, “When I get back from the hospital with this brat, I’m going to sign the paperwork for applying to training. Do what you want, Farlan.”

Farlan looked like he had been betrayed but Levi didn’t stay to hear his excuses as the paramedic returned and asked him to get into the back of the ambulance with the kid still nestled safely in his arms. 

~~~~~

Eren still felt unnaturally hot and it hurt to breathe but he was a little confused to find another pain in his chest that he couldn’t explain. He opened his eyes groggily and found himself looking up at unnaturally bright fluorescent lights. He turned his head slowly and found that he was in a hospital room. 

A nurse noted his open eyes and said, “Oh good, you’re awake.” 

She exited the room and after a few moments, Eren was suddenly tackled on the bed.

He yelped in pain and Armin and Mikasa quickly retracted their arms. 

“Eren, I’m so glad you’re okay!” Armin said, looking ready to-

“Eren, why are you crying?” Mikasa asked quietly.

Eren lifted a hand to his cheek in surprise but then remembered what… that he…

He took in a shaking breath unable to explain as he bit his lip.

Mikasa gripped his hand in her own and whispered, “I know.”

Armin reached over and gripped his other hand tightly. The three of them sat in grieved until a nurse entered the room again with an elderly man – Armin’s grandfather. 

“Are you kids ready to go?” he asked.

Eren looked in confusion to Mikasa but it was Armin who answered, “You guys will be staying with me and Grandfather for a while. They can’t find or get hold of Uncle Grisha and, well, Auntie Carla…”

The trio were silent again and Armin’s grandfather sighed tiredly, “Come on, kids, let’s go home.” 

Armin and Mikasa got up and Eren was about to swing his legs off the bed and follow them when he noticed a small note folded up on the stand next to him. He unfolded the note and a bronze key tumbled onto his lap. He read:

_This was the only thing they salvaged from the fire. No one ever knows how the future will turn out, but I promise you that I will save everyone I can from the fires. Put your faith in me. Your resolve has given me strength._  
_And kid,_  
_Not bad._


	2. Soggy Cornflakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven years since the incident - Present day. Eren is a little shit and a Suicidal Squirrel - or Bastard. Depends who he's irritated lately. Mostly Jean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited to continue the story that I updated quickly. This chapter is mostly Eren annoying people (you adorable little shit) but the Ereri ship begins to sail next chapter ~ (begins)

_Present_

“Eren, breakfast’s ready.”

Eren mumbles something that could hardly constitute as an answer.

“If you’re not there in five minutes, I’m dragging you down.”

Eren grumbles something louder and hears the sound of footsteps out the room.

 _Don’ wanna wake up_ , he thinks, even thinking too much of an effort.

He snoozes a little longer until he feels someone violently shaking his shoulders, “EREN!”

“Huh? Wha?”

“Eren, get up! Mikasa can and will drag you down there and you know it.”

Eren blearily wipes his eyes and mumbles, “Mikasa can’t catch me. I’m too awesome for a stupid girl to-” 

“ _Eren!_ ” Armin yelps and quickly wraps his hands over his mouth. 

“Oh, don’t stop him on my account, Armin,” says a very calm voice and Eren feels suddenly very cold. “Please, continue, Eren? What can’t a _stupid girl_ do?”

There is a moment of silence. Armin trembles as he glances from Mikasa’s ever so calm face to Eren’s face that’s strangely blank. Another moment passes.

“Nope! Not today!” Eren cries and flings himself out the window next to his bed. He’s just preparing to scramble up the pipe outside and get to safety – maybe go through Jean’s window upstairs – when he feels a yank on the back of his shirt collar.

“Oh, God!” he cries.

“Oh no, Eren, it’s just me~”

 

~~~~~

 

“Eren, you were so close this morning! I swear you’re getting faster! You’d think you’d learn by now.”

“Oh, fuck off, horse-face. Go outside and graze or something.”

“Oi, Jaeger, what have I told you-”

“Stop fighting,” says Mikasa softly and the two boys immediately, albeit reluctantly, shut up. Mikasa places a cloth filled with ice cubes against Eren’s forehead. A massive bruise is already starting to form where he smacked his face against the bricks outside the window while desperately flailing in an attempt to escape.

Eren irritably pushes her away and holds the cold pack himself as Mikasa returns to washing dishes. The cold bites into his skin unpleasantly and he has to force himself to ignore the impulse to throw the pack as far away as possible. Or perhaps into Jean’s face. Eren narrows his eyes. Yes, this could work…

“Jaeger, don’t think so hard. You look like you’re constipated.”

“Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to steal your usual expression. You can’t help it that you’re full of shit.”

“Eren,” Mikasa warns, eyes not leaving the sink in front of her.

He sighs loudly but when she isn’t looking, flicks a particularly soggy cornflake onto Jean’s cheek. Jean freezes for a millisecond before-

“JAEGER, I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!”

“No!” Eren wails melodramatically, “No, Satan, don’t eat my soul!”

“WHEN I’M DONE WITH YOU, YOUR SOUL WON’T BE THE ONLY THING THAT’S MISSING!”

“Ahh, Mikasa~” Eren whines, “Save me, please~”

Mikasa dries her hands off casually before bodily picking Jean up by his collar and slamming him back into his seat. She notices the cornflake on Jean’s cheek and says lowly – dangerously - , “Eren. What did you do?”

“Nothing,” Eren says quickly and begins shovelling cereal down his throat as fast as he can manage without impaling himself with the spoon. 

“You’re the only one that’s eating cornflakes, Eren,” she comes closer.

“No, I’m not!” And he slurps the whole bowl’s contents into his mouth. Mikasa makes a lethally quick grab for him but he dodges with his cheeks puffed out like a squirrel. A particularly suicidal squirrel. Eren makes it to the door and glances back to see Jean pawing pathetically at Mikasa for sympathy before she returns to the dishes. Eren spits out a bit of the milk still in his mouth at the back of Jean’s head and promptly sprints down the hall with cereal spraying all over as he struggles to laugh and run at the same time.

“JAEGER!!!”

 

~~~~~

 

Trost Building – home to the 104th Trainees Squad. Eren, Mikasa and Armin joined two years back when they were fifteen and Armin’s grandfather had passed away. Eren told them he would be joining and that he’d send his monthly allowance home to them so they could concentrate on schoolwork instead of a job. Eren claimed that it wasn’t like he was smart enough for school anyway but Armin and Mikasa knew what he was planning since that day seven years ago. Unexpectedly, Armin said immediately that he would go with and, more expectedly, Mikasa said she would too. This is their last year in training and then they’d be real firefighters.

Eren wanders the halls of Trost since training would only start a little later. He watches his fellow trainees scurry around trying to do their morning rituals. He peeks into Connie’s room, expecting to see Sasha there too but is disappointed. She sleeps directly across the hall yet she finds herself much more at home in her short friend’s room. It’s probably partly due to his never-ending supply of smuggled snacks but everyone suspects that they’re a bit more than fellow hooligans. Connie is restocking his stash when Eren knocks and he quickly flies into a defensive position before relaxing.

“Oh, Eren, it’s only you,” he sighs in relief.

“Only me,” Eren confirms. “Who’d you think it was?” he asks, glancing up and down the hall.

“Man, if you only knew how much Shadis is on my case,” Connie groans. “After searching Sasha’s room and not finding anything, he’s now put a target on my back! I mean, why would you suspect me?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Eren muses, “Maybe because whenever there’s food stolen, Sasha’s not the only one I hear giggling down the corridor.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Connie says, waving a finger threateningly, “I don’t giggle. I’m a man. I chuckle.”

“Well, Big Man, if you don’t want Shadis breathing down your neck then I think you should-”

“CONNIE!!!” 

Eren spins in surprise, “What the-”

High pitched squealing sounds pierce his ears as a blur of white and brown comes streaking past him into the room.

“CONNIE!!!”

Sasha flings herself onto Connie, wrapping her arms and legs around him like an oversized koala on a very small tree. Her brown hair looks almost as wild as her expression and she’s barely covered by a large white towel. 

“What the fuck, Sasha?” Connie yells, almost losing his balance and sending them both sprawling on the floor.

“CONNIE!” she wails, “Someone finished all the hot water again and I’m COLD!”

“And how the fuck is that MY problem?” he yells, flicking her on the forehead.

Eren looks sheepish and is edging backwards out the room when Connie notices, “Oi, don’t leave me here! Get her off me!”

Eren ducks out the room and peeps only his head in, “Sorry bro, naked girl is YOUR problem.”

“Wait, what?” Connie glances down as if noticing for the first time that the towel Sasha is sporting barely constitutes decent coverage. “Wait! Eren!”

“I’m out!”

Eren can hear Sasha laughing as Connie scolds her and reminds her that she has her own room. 

He almost bumps into Marco as he turns a corner and sidesteps at the last moment.

“Hey, Marco, you okay? Need some help?” Eren asks, referring to the boxes piled high obstructing his view of the spattering of freckles that practically made him famous. 

“Oh, no, it’s fine, don’t want to bother,” Marco huffs and Eren can imagine the good natured smile. 

“Here,” he says, taking the top half, revealing Marco’s flushed face.

“Oh, thank you, Eren!”

“Not a problem, where do these go?”

“Upstairs. I’m moving rooms,” Marco says and Eren notices a different kind of flush on his face. He chooses to ignore it, knowing that if Marco wants to tell him he would. 

The pair walk upstairs to Marco’s new room and Eren politely answers Marco’s friendly questions of how did he sleep, is he looking forward to training, is that a new bruise from trying to jump out the window again this morning. Marco stops outside Jean’s door and takes the boxes from Eren’s grip, smiling broadly, “Thanks for your help, Eren.”

Eren is confused, “But, wait, isn’t that…?”

The door opens. “Jaeger?” Jean asks warily, scanning the hall suspiciously before noticing Marco. “Marco?” he chokes out, his face reddening quickly.

“H-hey, Jean,” Marco says, face also becoming red even though Eren lessened his load considerably. “I’m moving in across the corridor.” He jingles some keys and quickly turns his back to Eren and Jean so he can fiddle with the lock on the door. 

Eren glances between Jean’s strangled expression and Marco’s back. The tips of Marco’s ears and neck are also becoming red. Now why would…?

Oh. _Oh._

Eren grins wickedly and turns to Jean. “So, horse-face,” he drawls, “Did you enjoy your cereal this morning?”

Jean takes a moment before his face becomes red with rage, “Thanks for reminding me, Jaeger. I still have to kill you.”

“Oh no!” Eren cried, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead in despair. “Whatever shall I do? The penalty for food flinging is death!”

Jean stalks forward and Eren pretends to faint against the wall next to Marco, “Marco! Please! You’re the only one that can save me! Get the big bad horse away from me!” He spins onto Marco and the taller boy catches him before he continues rolling onto the floor. Eren arches his back in a position of the damsel in distress and howls, “Tell the horse to go away!”

Marco is just too nice to not play along, “Um, go away?”

“Tell him he’s a bad horse!”

“Um, bad… horse?” Marco says uncertainly, blushing as he looks at Jean.

“Marco!” Jean splutters, becoming embarrassed again. 

Eren swiftly spins out of Marco’s hold and places a hand on Jean’s shoulder. His face is serious and he pushes his face into the blushing boy’s personal space.

“Now, Jean,” Eren says solemnly. “Don’t pretend that you don’t like the idea of Marco punishing you.”

Marco and Jean seem at a loss for words and thus settle for avoiding each other’s faces, spluttering and in Jean’s case, reaching to strangle Eren.

“Whoop!” Eren says as he dodges Jean’s outstretched hand, “Nearly got me there!”

“Jaeger, get back here so I can kill you,” apparently he remembering how to English. 

Eren twists away again and pretends to contemplate this option, “Hmm, or nah!” and then he’s opening Jean’s door and throwing himself out the window. He grips the windowsill from the outside and then drops to grip his own windowsill which is directly below Jean’s.

“Yeark!”

Eren hoists himself up and through the window before collapsing from laughter onto his bed, ignoring the more-than-a-little startled Armin. The two share one of the very few two-sleeper rooms in the building; something that they don’t complain about. If Mikasa was there, it would feel just like their childhood; huddling together on a futon in Armin’s grandfather’s house, taking comfort in each other’s presence.

“I seriously can’t get used to you doing that,” Armin mutters, a hand over his heart as if to control the jump in his heartbeat that Eren’s sudden appearance had undoubtedly caused.

“Oh, careful there, Armin, don’t want you falling for me now,” he says, winking and clicking his tongue suggestively.

“Eren!” Armin laughs, “Don’t be an idiot!”

“Too late. If Jaeger’s anything, it’s an idiot.”

“Reiner!” Eren says, sitting up to greet the taller blonde leaning against the doorframe. “Your shoulder okay? You’ve been gone for ages!”

Reiner dislocated his shoulder three weeks ago during a training exercise for breaking in doors. He winces and rolls his shoulder dramatically, “Nah, I’ll live. Doc says that I should be fine to get back to training as long as I don’t do any heavy lifting,”

“Oh no, Reiner, that’s half your personality gone right there! What will you do if you can’t weightlift?”

“Watch it, Jaeger, I can still lap you on the field and just about in any other training exercise.”

“You can’t catch me in climbing though,” Eren grins. Over the years, he discovered a passion and talent for climbing. He’s thin enough to be quick yet he still has the muscle to easily hold his own weight. His forever-messy brown hair and his tendency to fling himself out windows earned him the title of a Suicidal Squirrel. Or Bastard. Depends who he’s irritated lately.

“The only one that can do that is Mikasa,” says a quiet voice from behind Reiner.

Eren leans forward and catches sight of an incredibly tall guy with dark hair. “Hey, Bertolt,” he calls. “You feeling better, too?

“Hi, Eren,” he responds softly, moving into line of sight but still staying slightly behind his blond friend. “I feel fine, thank you.”

Shortly after Reiner had been carted off to the infirmary, Bertolt had come down with some weird illness that had him there the whole time as well. Looks like he has been discharged today too.

The four boys chat a little while longer till Bertolt gently tugs on one of Reiner’s sleeves and the two leave to get ready for training. Armin returns to reading the book he had been busy with before Eren had swung in through the window. Eren flops back onto his bed with a huge sigh. When Armin doesn’t respond, he sighs again and louder.

“What, Eren?” Armin says exasperated, closing the book with a slam.

“Woah, hey,” Eren says, sitting up, “You okay?”

Armin sighs and looks ready to brush it off but Eren has his stubborn face on so he relents, “I’m just… I’ve been thinking about the Evaluation coming up. Even with his injury, Reiner is sure to get in and here I am, trying my hardest and I’m probably not even going to come in the Top 10. Top 20 even. I just… feel so… weak.” 

His shoulders slump and his grip on the book tightens. He lets out a shaky breath and then suddenly Eren has thrown himself onto Armin’s bed and is wrapping himself around the smaller boy from behind and smooshing their cheeks together. “Eren?? Wha-? What are you doing?”

“Shh, just let it happen,” Eren says, stroking Armin’s hair creepily and pressing his cheek harder.

“Oh my god, you are so weird,” Armin laughs and Eren can feel the tension escaping his back. 

“Let me _looove_ you, Armin!”

“Get off, you idiot!” Armin squeals as Eren begins tickling him.

“Exactly!” Eren yells and twists Armin around so that they’re facing each other. Eren rests their foreheads together and says seriously, “I am an idiot. But you’re not. Anyone can see that you’re the smartest one out of all us. You’re not weak, Armin. Not by a long shot. If anything here is weak, it’s Mikasa’s cooking skills-”

“Eren~” A shadow wearing a red scarf suddenly looms in the doorway.

“Oh, you’ve got to be shitting me.”

“What were you saying about my cooking?”

“Beat me up later, I’m trying to take advantage of Armin.”

“You’re trying to WHAT?” Armin yelps but then dissolves into another fit of laughter as Eren resumes tickling him. 

Eren catches Mikasa’s eye over Armin’s head and through a silent message, Mikasa steps forward, eyes smiling, “Well don’t leave me out of it. Now, let’s see, where was that spot…”

Mikasa aims for behind Armin’s knees and he howls. He struggles to escape the relentless assault and Eren chirps, “Oh, our prize will get away! I’ll hold him down, Mikasa!”

“Nooo!” Armin screeches and laughs harder as Mikasa attacks him.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

“Connie!” Armin gasps. “Please! Please hel-” he breaks off again as Eren takes advantage of his distraction and gets under his arms.

“As much fun as it sounds to join in your weird incestuous-threeway-thing, training starts in ten minutes.”

“Thanks Connie,” Eren says, “Now if you’ll excuse us~”

“No! Eren! Please! Mikasa, stop! AHHHHH!”

 

~~~~~

 

“Good work today, Jaeger. Keep up that climbing skill of yours and you might be looking at a spot in the Top 10.”

“Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!” Eren pants, hands on knees.

“Alright, you useless shits, hit the showers.”

“Sir, yes, sir!”

Eren makes it a habit of showering for as short a period as possible after training. So many people showering at one point makes for very little hot water and if there was one thing hated, it was a cold shower. Or cold in general. Or Jean. Okay, he hates Jean more. 

He pulls on his casual clothes and heads back to his room to wait for Armin, so that they can fetch Mikasa and all head to dinner together. He sits on his bed and leans his head against the wall, letting the water droplets drip from his hair onto his face. After a moment, he slides his hand along the sheet and under his pillow, bringing out a little felt bag. He considers it for a few moments, running his fingers along the material, before opening the drawstring and emptying the contents into his hand. An often-read note and a bronze key tumble out. He holds one in each hand, thoughtful, before deciding to read the note again. He has read it so many times that the words are committed to memory, which is good, since the words are bound to fade off the paper eventually due to use.

_This was the only thing they salvaged from the fire. No one ever knows how the future will turn out, but I promise you that I will save everyone I can from the fires. Put your faith in me. Your resolve has given me strength._

_And kid,_

_Not bad._

“I’m not a kid,” Eren mutters, and then laughs softly to himself. How many times has he said this exact response to a piece of paper? He contemplates the key in his hand. It’s quite long and the end is styled in a sort of diamond shape with little round nubs on the corners. The bronze is shiny from Eren’s frequent contemplative rubbing. _He probably doesn’t even remember me_ , he thinks miserably and then scolds himself for even thinking about it. What does it even matter what some guy thinks? All that matters is that he’s a good firefighter. One of the best, actually. Humanity’s Strongest.

“All I am is a Suicidal Squirrel, how stupid is that?” Eren mumbles, still rubbing the key. 

“You say something, Eren?” says Armin as he comes in, cheeks flushed from the showers. Eren slips the key down his sleeve and shakes his head. He brings up his knees and hugs them to him, resting his chin on top. “I love showering after training, the water’s much hotter than in the mornings!”

Eren grunts in reply.

Armin looks at him from the corner of his eye as he fiddles with something in his drawer, “Hey, um, you okay?” 

Eren huffs, “Yeah. Just tired. Shadis had me doing climbing drills almost the whole day.”

Armin looks suspicious but plays along. “Oh, yeah, I noticed! But you know, if he’s taking special notice of it then that can only be good, right?”

“Hmm, yeah, I suppose.”

There’s a knock on the open door and Mikasa walks in. Her hair seems dry already and her red scarf is present as always. “You guys ready for dinner?” she asks.

“Do you ever wash that thing?” Eren mutters, and Mikasa grips the scarf protectively. He has asked so many times that she instinctively knows what he’s referring to. 

“Ever wash yourself, Eren? You always leave the showers really quickly,” she retorts in defence of her treasure. 

“As nice as it is to know you watch me in the showers, I do feel kind of creeped out.”

“Oh, hush. Dinner?”

“I’m starving!” Armin chirps, hopping to the door.

“Hey, guys, just go on without me, okay? I’ll catch up,” Eren murmurs.

Armin and Mikasa share worried looks but leave with soft ‘okay’s and ‘see you there’s. As they leave, Eren can hear them whispering to each other as they undoubtedly share theories as to what is bothering him.

He sighs and brings the key out from his sleeve again. After reading the note again, he slips it inside the bag. About to slide the key in too, he pauses. Then on impulse he scrambles for a piece of string somewhere and slides the key onto it. He ties a knot and slips it over his head, letting the key rest against his sternum under his shirt. 

He releases a breath he didn’t realise he was holding and then steps out the door to head to dinner. He arrives at the dining room but finds that hardly anyone is there. He glances around in confusion, finding only the instructors sitting at their usual table. Shadis catches Eren looking and says, “Jaeger, you’re a bit out of the loop. All the other little shits are watching the news in the entertainment room.”

“The news?” Eren repeats dumbly. What would be so interesting on the _news_?

“Yes, Jaeger, don’t make me repeat myself. Get going.”

He snaps himself up straight and salutes, left arm at his back and right hand placed in a fist over his heart, “Yes, sir!”

Jogging to catch up to everyone in the ‘entertainment’ room, which is really just a large open space with a tiny TV and a ping pong table, he almost runs into the backs of the people standing right at the back. Wow, _everyone’s_ here.

“Hey, guys, what’s up?” he asks and about three quarters of the company shush him and the others are too engrossed on what’s happening on the TV. Armin gestures frantically for Eren to come closer and he steps forward, now hearing the live news everyone was so interested in. 

_“Reports from downtown Shinganshina state that Maria Corporation suffered one of the greatest fires this decade. The six storey building housing some of their latest scientific developments was ignited due to a freak accident while working on the rumoured “Colossal Project”. The Survey Corps firefighting division was on the scene almost immediately after receiving the distress call sent from within Maria Corporation but on arrival found that the first two storeys were entirely filled with flames and that access to the upper storeys was impossible through them. According to Commander Erwin Smith, the Survey Corps’ legendary Squad Levi was responsible for the execution of an innovative plan to rescue employees from the upper floors using an inventive series of climbing devices to lift members of the squad up to implement the evacuation procedure which involved the safe lowering of employees a safe distance away from the fire source. During the evacuation however, it is reported that member of Squad Levi, Jamie Ravine, perished when part of the fifth floor collapsed. One hundred and twenty six employees were safely evacuated while seventy nine are reported to be injured. Sixteen are confirmed as deceased while eight are unaccounted for.”_

Eren can’t breathe. Shinganshina was the neighbourhood where he and Mikasa had lived… before. Eren swallows thickly. The Maria Corporation was where his father used to work. After the… afterwards, Grisha Jaeger was reported as missing. He hasn’t contacted Eren or Mikasa since… that day.


	3. Unexpected Hero

Eren feels himself start to shake while memories of the fire begin to bombard him but Armin and Mikasa take each of his hands and he feels calmer. Or at least calm enough to tune back into the news.

_“-and here is a statement by Squad Levi’s leader, Levi Ackerman.”_

The camera zooms out to include Levi Ackerman in the shot alongside the reporter and Eren gasps involuntarily, causing several fellow trainees to give him strange looks. 

It’s him.

Older. Obviously. But Eren recognises the smoky black hair, the look of indifference accentuated by an almost perpetual frown – like the one he now wore. He’s still wearing the traditional firefighting pants but his jacket and helmet are removed and he stands wearing a tight white vest with his arms crossed and feet firmly planted in his thick boots. Muscles formed through years of hard work are in plain view and Eren feels strangely embarrassed, as if he’s ogling him. His features are sharp and his narrowed eyes give off an overall sense of coldness but Eren feels as if this isn’t the case. 

Levi Ackerman.

He looks peeved – as if he doesn’t want to make a statement. He glances behind him then turns back to the reporter and camera looking even more disgruntled. 

_“Tch, fine,”_ he says. _“My name is Levi of the Survey Corps. Today we executed a plan to reach higher floors making use of equipment still in testing-stages called 3D Manoeuvre Gear. We are thankful that we managed to save as many people as we did and we offer our condolences to the families who have lost someone today due to my own negligence. I’m sorry for your loss.”_

Levi Ackerman is then silent. He truly _did_ look sorry. As if the entire fire was his fault. As if he wasn’t putting his own life on the line to save those people. 

The reporter still keeps the microphone at Levi Ackerman’s mouth, expecting him to continue, but when it is clear that he's done speaking, she brings it back to herself.

 _“Yes, um, thank you Mr Ackerman,”_ she says, looking a bit flustered, looking as if she’s forcing her gaze to remain at his eye level. While Eren admits that the tight shirt is bit… _distracting_ , he has a strange feeling in his stomach when he sees this reaction and unconsciously grips Mikasa and Armin’s hands tighter.

 _“A question, if I may?”_ she asks, looking a bit too hopeful in Eren’s opinion and completely unprofessional. This is probably out of her own curiosity.

 _“What?”_ Levi asks, unimpressed, and Eren feels a small surge of satisfaction.

The reporter blushes – _actually blushes_ – and Eren narrows his eyes. 

_“What is the reason you joined the firefighting profession?”_

~~~~~

“What is the reason you joined the firefighting profession?” the ridiculous reporter asks, looking too hopeful in his opinion and he has half a mind not to answer at all. He glances to the side and sees Erwin looking at him expectantly. 

“Tch,” he says again. He rests one hand on his hip and scratches the undercut of his hair with the other. He can be honest here. Can say what really happened. Or he can pretend to be one of those do-gooders that really only care about the glory.

“Fine,” he sighs. “It was seven years ago – maybe eight – and I was helping out at the Survey Corps fire-station for community service.” Levi decides to leave out the reason for why the community service was needed in the first place; don’t want to make Erwin look bad despite that pleased grin he’s giving right now. _I’ll fucking feed him my fist and see how much he grins then_ , Levi thinks viciously though he knows it’s an empty threat at best. 

“We were called out to a residence in Shinganshina – there was a fire and the house was collapsing. The mother of the house… she was still inside,” Levi voice lowers. The reporter is rapt but he hardly pays her any attention, nor the camera. 

“It was deemed unsafe to attempt a rescue, so she was left to die,” he spat bitterly, his fist clenching as he remembers the disgust he’d felt, “I was expecting to just have to watch the house burn down while the firefighters attempted to douse the fire. But then,” Levi laughs once, “this _kid_ came racing down the road and nearly plowed headfirst into the fire.” 

He pauses before laughing again but it is a melancholic sound and Levi is looking down, lost in the memory, “Another firefighter stopped him from going inside and these two other kids arrived - sister and friend, maybe. They tried to keep him back but then- the mother screamed. It – it was the worst sound I’ve ever heard. She sounded like she had given up. Then this – this kid just throws himself into the fire. He was in there easily for ten minutes before his sister went in after him. The firefighter that stopped him went in next.” 

Levi’s voice had dropped to a whisper so he cleared his throat before continuing, “Five minutes later, the firefighter jumped out one of the windows with the two kids under his arms and there was an explosion – gas explosion, so I was told. And this kid-” he breaks off, suddenly aware that he’s telling this story on live television. He clears his throat more forcefully, feeling heat rush to his cheeks, “So this kid, he, um, inspired me to invest the same amount of energy into saving people. And that’s why I joined the firefighting profession. The end.”

The reporter shook her head quickly as if to get out of a trance, “Uh, yes, thank you, Mister Ackerman. Would you say-”

“No. No more questions. Fuck this. I’m fucking done,” he snaps and stalks off-screen, ignoring the disapproving look Erwin wears. 

~~~~~~

Eren stares dumbfounded at the screen where the reporter is stammering out an apology and bidding the viewers a good night. Someone turns off the television and everyone stands in silence. No one seems to know what to say. 

But the moment is broken when a girl called Mina suddenly exclaims, “Captain Levi is _so cool_.”

Several girls enthusiastically agree and even some of the guys reluctantly have to admit. They all talk excitedly of the new equipment – the 3D manoeuvre gear and how impressive it is to have such a successful evacuation. They just dismiss his confession as something cool, just contributing to some pre-established idea they have of him. Eren suddenly feels sick. He releases his friends’ hands and runs back up the corridor to the room.

He considers curling up on the bed but then spies the open window and he’s already moving. He scales the outside wall with practiced ease until he reaches the roof of Trost Building that was open to the sky. He breathes in the night air before seating himself on the edge of the building. It’s easy to reflect up here where the sky seems so much bigger than your own problems. 

So this Levi Ackerman was the boy from seven years ago. And he _remembers_. Eren’s throat constricts again as he thinks about what happened in the fire so he forces himself to instead think of this boy, this _Levi_. Eren wanted to become a firefighter because Levi inspired _him_ , but Levi just said that Eren… Eren feels his cheeks warm and he buries his face in his hands. _My hero was inspired by **me**_. He feels a ridiculous grin spread across his face and despite his best efforts, can’t seem to get rid of it.

Seven years ago when he’d finished reading the note for the first time, his reaction had been much like Mina and the others’, as he thought about how cool this boy had been. He wanted to be a firefighter too. He wanted to be cool too. As years passed and Eren read and reread the note, he realised that this boy –this man- had found strength where he believed he was weak and was using that strength to save people. Eren wanted to do that too. He wanted to be that strong too. He wanted to be that cool. Eren didn’t know that he himself was the source of that strength which is why his _face feels so hot right now_. 

He inhales and exhales slowly, letting the evening air cool his face as he watches the city lights slowly come to life as the sun’s light dies out. People walking in the street look so small from his vantage point and it calms him to watch people living out their normal lives. Lives where they aren’t preparing to risk death to put out a fire or save someone. Lives where heroes are only celebrities or dead people who don’t really matter but are somehow important when making a speech. Lives where life is taken for granted.

Eren is still watching the city like some giant from up high when he hears the fire escape door open behind him. Armin and Mikasa walk towards him and gingerly sit on the edge with him, though they sit more securely and tend to lean back. 

They sit in silence until Mikasa says quite suddenly, “So since when do you inspire walking sex bombs to become local legends?”

Eren chokes on his own saliva and Armin squeaks, “Mikasa!”

“I - what?” Eren splutters.

“Armin told me to say it,” Mikasa says, not showing any emotion.

“ _MIKASA_!”

Armin looks so mortified and Eren is so glad to have his friends that he laughs out loud.

When he’s finished, he picks at some imaginary dirt in his fingernails and says softly with a chuckle, “I didn’t know I had been such an _inspiration_.”

“You don’t know, do you?” Armin says, then look surprised that he’d even spoken.

“Know what?” Eren asks curiously.

Armin hesitates, then says, “How _inspirational_ you are. You have this thing about you; this passion, this determination, this _warmth_ , that just fills someone like… like me up inside and makes me want to be better and stronger.” 

He glances up shyly, “Sure, you’re an idiot sometimes but the things you do and the things you say – they _matter_. Well, at least to me they do,” he finishes with a huff.

Eren is quiet before he says sincerely, “Thank you, Armin. That means… that means a lot.”

Armin looks like he’s blushing, “Yeah, sure, that’s what friends are for, right?”

Mikasa is looking at Armin strangely and then Eren flings himself on the smaller boy.

“Just friends? Oh, Armin, you’re breaking my heart! I thought I was someone special!”

“Eren! Oh my god, be careful! Do you not see how close we are to the edge? Oh my god- EREN! Eren, we nearly _fell_.”

“Oh Armin, I’ve already fallen! … in love with _youuuu~_ ”

“Eren, would you _please_ behave yourself? You’re crazy!”

“Crazy for you!”

“OH MY GOD, GET OFF!”

~~~~~

Dinner has already officially finished by the time Eren agrees to go downstairs so the trio make do with whatever leftovers survived Sasha. Eren feels self-conscious, as if everyone knows that the story recounted by Humanity’s Strongest was actually his own but no one gives him funny looks, despite his paranoia. 

Eren and Armin sit next to each other across from Mikasa. He finds that he doesn’t have much of an appetite and also that Mikasa doesn’t seem to care. She shoves a bread roll almost down his throat, much to the amusement of some of the people still eating. Coughing and struggling to swallow the large amount of bread, Eren almost has tears in his eyes.

“Here,” Armin says, “Let me help.”

_Thank you, Armin. I always knew you were a good pers-_

Armin dabs a bit of butter on the tip of his nose, and grins widely, “There. Now it’s perfect.”

_I take it back. You’re an evil little manipulative-_

“Eren, what is wrong with you?” says Annie. The blonde girl sets down her tray and sits next to Mikasa, across from Eren and Armin.

Eren flaps his arms wildly, gesturing to the demons sitting at the table. He mumbles incoherently around his mouthful, butter dripping down his nose, and in vain, since the two demons in question have returned to innocently eating their food. 

Annie takes a bite and pretends to listen to Eren’s unintelligible explanation. She swallows and responds, “Don’t talk with your mouth open. It’s disgusting.”

Eren whines indignantly and Armin’s shoulders shake with the effort of restraining his laughter. When Eren eventually manages to swallow the entire fucking bread roll, he flicks Armin on the ear causing the blond idiot just to laugh out loud. The three of them always eat dinner together and if they stay late enough, Annie joins them. She seems content to eat on her own and thus often only comes to dinner much later so as to avoid the rowdiness. She doesn’t look like she minds the trio’s rowdiness though. Eren swears that sometimes he sees something close to smile (okay, maybe a twitch of the mouth) when she thinks no one’s watching.

When she’s done, she picks up her tray and leaves without saying anything, but they don’t feel offended. It's just how she is. What surprises them most is not her sudden departure but her sudden return. Annie stands next to Mikasa and leans almost awkwardly against the table. Eren’s shocked. Annie always looks so _unruffled._

“Hey, um, I’ll show you that move tomorrow, i- if you want,” she mumbles, not meeting Mikasa’s eyes.

Did she just stutter? Did she just _mumble_?

“Yes, thank you, Annie. That would be nice,” Mikasa has a strange look on her face, and her voice sounds weird.

Annie looks ready to say something else but she glances quickly at Eren and Armin’s open mouthed expressions and seems to think better of it. She straightens her back and struts away stiffly but Eren thinks he sees her bump her shoulder against the doorframe as she turns into the corridor too quickly. 

Mikasa finishes off her food calmly and when she looks up, and is surprised to see the boys staring at her, mouths still hanging open in astonishment. 

“What?” she asks, eyes wide.

Armin speaks first, “Mikasa! Are you? … and Annie? Uh-”

“Did you tame the beast?” Eren blurts and is rewarded with a glimpse of a slight blush across her pale cheeks before she takes her empty tray and slams it on his head.

“Yeow!” Eren yelps, clutching his head. He feels another bruise forming slightly behind the one he got this morning.

“I don’t know what you two are talking about,” Mikasa mutters, before leaving for the kitchen where she would devote herself to dish washing as usual. 

Eren pouts, rubbing his head gingerly and Armin stares after her. 

“Hey, Eren, what do you think-”

“No, fuck that shit, I’m not going to get involved. I don’t think I have any brain cells left to lose. Ask her yourself.”

“Eren!”

“Goodbye, Armin!”

~~~~~

Eren decides to skip the routine after-dinner socialising that everyone usually participates in all through the corridors of the dormitory area. There are no designated spots. Kids just talk where they stand and flit from group to group when they feel like it. All this makes it difficult to walk unhindered.

Trost Building is three storeys high with part of the upper two floors dedicated to dormitory rooms, bathrooms and instructor’s quarters. The ground floor has a small office space, which is really only used as an entrance and not much else, and the training area which extends to the second and third floors. There are stairs fucking _everywhere_. ‘Elevator’ is not a word in the vocabulary of the people who live here. _Well_ , Eren thinks, _it’s not like I use the stairs often anyway._

He manages to squeeze past Sasha and Connie talking with Marco and enters his room, closing the door behind him. He sits on his bed and returns to reflecting on the news on TV.

Could he meet Levi Ackerman again?

No, it was impossible. He worked in the Survey Corps. Eren would be lucky he would be accepted into the Garrison. The Kenpeidan – nicknamed the Military Police – is what most trainees strive for. They get the most privileges and benefits out of all the firefighting divisions – probably due to the fact that they’re stationed in the more uptown areas. The areas that were less prone to fires. The areas that forked out money to keep getting the best service.

Eren wanted to get into the Survey Corps – still wants to. They have the highest record of successful evacuations, fires extinguishes, people saved. They are the most respected division; always protecting the people. They have people that are good at what they do. There is no room for mistakes when surrounded by fire or under a collapsing building. Their requirements are strict, almost as strict at the Military Police. 

What if Eren didn’t do well enough in the Evaluation? 

He thought about all the people he could save. And how many fires he could put out. And white vests. And hair as black as smoke. 

He _would_ get in. Natural talent has nothing on hard work.

He just has to work even harder.


	4. Dirty Towels

An annoying, insistent vibrating wakes Eren and he quickly grasps under his pillow for his phone. He glares hatefully at the digital time on the screen before dismissing the alarm. 

04:00

He yawns, stretching his arms above his head and hearing his joints crack and pop. He doesn’t need to glance over at Armin to know he’s still sound asleep, his quiet snores still audible. Eren grabs a bag with his toiletries before heading out the door. 

_Ninja mode – on!_ Eren thinks with a wry smile.

Every morning at four – without fail – he’s wakes up and sneaks to the showers. He reckons he’s gotten pretty good at walking silently down the halls. After more than a few close-calls where a trainee had nearly caught him, he has to be.

Upon arrival, Eren shuts the door quietly and lets out a huff of relief. For whatever reason, the shower room was almost soundproof – a discovery made when the boys played the Penis Game and none of the instructors came yelling.

“PENIS!!” he yells, because he can, and laughs. He then turns on the water to near scalding and strips before stepping under the spray with a sigh.

 _This_ is why waking up early every morning is worth it.

Eren could moan – and he almost does. 

He _loves_ the heat. 

After a long night, the water would be hot enough that even he would approve. The only problem is that hardly any hot water escapes him. The rest of the trainees eventually believed after two years that there is simply hardly any hot water to be had in the mornings and thus choose to shower at night. Little do they know; Eren is the ghost haunting the water pipes. 

When Eren feels the temperature drop a fraction; he hisses and leaps out; feet slipping on the tile and his legs nearly tangling in the shower curtain. He gingerly reaches out to turn off the tap without touching the water and quickly snatches his hand back before the water can drip on it. He dries off and when he reaches for his clothes, a reflection of light catches his eye. 

The key. 

He reaches for it and inhales sharply when his fingertips brush the cold metal. And he remembers the promise he made to himself last night.

_Natural talent has nothing on hard work._

His hand closes over the key.

_I must get stronger._

He pulls his pyjamas on hastily and heads to his room, forgetting to be quiet. He quickly dresses in his training uniform before jumping out the window. He swings into the training room, being grateful once again that the windows were always left open – for some reason he doesn’t know. 

Normally after his early-morning shower, Eren would go back to sleep and wake up again when everyone else did. Being in the training room when the sky’s still dark is a foreign, though not unpleasant, feeling. The space is still familiar to him, even in a different light, and he easily falls into routine once he starts, but concentrating more on the skills he lacks… which is everything except climbing. 

Eren suddenly feels a bit panicked under the pressure of the seemingly impossible task. Can he do this?

He _has_ to do this.

For the Survey Corps.

For… Levi.

~~~~~

_One week later_

“I can’t believe Captain’s still asleep.”

“Captain’s such a heavy sleeper. It’s so cute!”

“Guys, I think I saw his eye twitch.”

“Bullshit, shut up, Moblit.”

“But Miss Hanji-”

“ _Shh!_ …Okay, everyone ready?”

“Hey, Hanji, maybe you shouldn’t do this-”

“ _3…_ ”

“Yeah, Hanji, Captain’s gonna-”

“ _2…_ ”

“Miss Hanji, please!”

“ _1!_ ”

But Hanji lands on an empty bed.

Hanji sprawls on mattress in surprise, “Shit! Where’d he go?!”

“I always knew you were a bit fucked up in the head, Shitty-Glasses, but I didn’t know you were _this_ stupid.”

“L-Levi! There you are!” Hanji grins even as Levi grips her hair in one hand and holds his other arm firmly across her throat, seemingly appearing from nowhere.

He glares at the cowering Petra, Oluo, and Moblit over Hanji’s shoulder and says calmly, “If my bed is not made and my whole room is not spotless when I get back…” 

And he then promptly and gracefully slips from the bed and walks out the room.

“Yes, sir!” Levi hears the three of them say and he hears Hanji laughing.

 _Damn Shitty-Glasses_ , he thinks, but it doesn’t have nearly as much vehemence as he would like.

On his path towards the dining room, several members of the Survey Corps salute and call out respectful greetings, and Levi nods in response. The building seems busier – and louder – than usual this morning, but he doesn’t give it much thought. Entering the bathroom, he barely manages to keep himself from running back out.

“They’re all fucking kids,” he snarls, “Can’t even keep a fucking bathroom clean.”

Muttering about homicide, Levi turns the tap and splashes cold water on his face. 

Levi can’t stand heat. 

It’s problematic when having to go into a burning building, but it gives Levi even more of a motivation to douse the fire as soon as possible. 

Levi runs dripping fingers through his hair and then decides to take a shower. Taking one of the towels provided, he strips and steps under the cold water. He repeatedly combs at his hair with his fingers, relishing the feeling of icy water against his scalp

Too soon, Levi steps out with a sigh and redresses. He shakes his head violently to rid it of water and then tries to vaguely style it into something presentable using his fingers before he can find his actual comb.

He makes to drop his towel into the wash basket but freezes when he notices that it’s overflowing. Dirty, used towels hang over the edge and litter the floor and Levi feels his lip curl.

“Oh, _fuck_ no.”

He storms out into the corridor, starling some young recruit, before rushing off to find Erwin.

Erwin is found standing in front of the entire Survey Corps.

“Ahh, Levi, just in time,” he calls, as Levi enters. When Levi steps up to him, Erwin glances him up and down before whispering in his ear, “Well, don’t you look fetching. Just wake up, did you?”

Levi isn’t embarrassed when he remembers that he’s still in his sleeping clothes. “The fuck’s going on, Erwin,” he growls.

Erwin raises an eyebrow – damn furry thing that it is – and then turns to the crowd, “As _most_ of you know,” a pointed glance at Levi, “Today we will be visiting Maria Corporation – the scientific company that experienced the fire last week. We will be attempting to discover if any of their research or equipment is salvageable as well as investigating the cause of the fire. Extra caution is advised. We will be departing in an hour so be ready then. Dismissed.”

The assembly is preparing to move when Levi snaps, “No, not dismissed.”

The people look confused but no one wants to disobey an order from the Captain, even if the Commander said they were free to go. Levi looks extra scary today. 

Erwin simply regards Levi with an amused look in his eyes. 

“We will _not_ be ‘departing in an hour’,” he says, mocking Erwin’s voice, earning a smile – which infuriates him. “We will be departing once the bathroom – no, actually, the whole _building_ – is clean up to _my_ standards. Filthy pigs,” he spits out, “This place is disgusting. Now, get going!”

They all stand and leave much more hurriedly than when Erwin dismissed them thanks to Levi glaring daggers at any of the dawdlers.

“Levi,” Hanji laughs, “You’re so passionate when talking about cleaning.”

“So this is what had your hair standing up at all odd angles,” Erwin comments.

Levi turns to them, “Don’t you two give me that shit. You better clean too if you think you need two arms to hold a fucking fire hose.”

He storms off to change into clothes fit for cleaning and leaves Hanji and Erwin laughing, albeit a little nervously. 

Three hours later, the division is finally ready to leave, after Levi inspected each room in the building – twice.

Needless to say, no one bothers him on the way to Maria Corporation; even Erwin finds his scowl of the day slightly disturbing. When they reach their destination however; Levi’s scowl has turned into one of determination and he gathers his squad together with a simple wave of the hand. Everyone leaves anything behind that could hinder their work at the house. Business is business.

Erwin says, “Levi, escort Hanji and her team through the first and second floors to find the source of the fire. Everyone else, be on standby.”

Levi nods and heads into the building, not glancing back to see if his squad is following. Because they are. He knows they are.

They always are.

And he always hates that fact.

What makes him worthy of following? What makes his decisions the right ones?

_Why would someone place their trust in me?_

But he never tells his squad this. It’s better for them to believe in his false confidence instead of showing them that they are willingly following a man who can’t protect them. A man who is weak; despite his best efforts to become stronger. A man who can’t forget his past even when _he has a job to do_.

 _Fucking snap out of it!_ He snarls at himself.

Levi surveys the foyer of the Maria Corporation. Everything that isn’t burnt into unrecognisable shapes is covered in thick black ash. The air is heavy with soot particles and inhaling it makes Levi cough slightly. He lifts a special type of material tied around his neck to over his mouth and motions for his squad to do the same. Breathing is now easier and he moves the squad forward. 

The corridor after the foyer leads off into several large rooms and also to an elevator. Doors are blackened, if they still survive, and hang off their hinges at odd angles. The sight of the dark shapes looming through the ash-filled air accompanied by the thick, tangible silence is eerie and Levi can’t help but feel uneasy.

The heavy, smothering atmosphere feels tense in anticipation. Levi’s uneasiness travels to lodge in his throat and he feels like he’s going to be sick. 

“Captain?” Petra asks softly, walking alongside and peering at him worriedly with gentle, amber eyes.

Levi had stopped in the middle of the corridor. He is frozen. He can feel that his eyes are wide and his breaths are loud and irregular, disturbing the ash particles in the air in front of him. The material had fallen down from his mouth to bunch at his neck again.

He can’t breathe.

This is just like that day, five years ago. The air suffocating him, this feeling of something waiting to happen.

“What’s the hold-up, Levi?” Hanji asks loudly, walking ahead of him, “I know we’re meant to follow you but we can’t exactly do that if you’re not moving, now can we?”

“No!” he snaps hoarsely, hand reaching out to grab the hem of her jacket.

Hanji turns to him, “Well, then what are we waiting for? Lead on, _Captain_.”

Levi doesn’t respond to her dig, which surprises her, opting to simply stagger forward. He is moving. Slowly, but still moving forward. He violently shoves the memories down in an attempt to focus on what was in front of him. _This is different_ , he reminds himself, walking with more confidence, but the steps are still forced and jerky.

But he still can’t shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen. 

It’s almost like an overwhelming compulsion is forcibly pulling him forward to one of the rooms at the end of the hall. Step by agonizing step, he is pulled like a puppet on strings. When he pushes a metal door aside, he knows it’s the right room. He can practically taste it. 

The lab is large, seemingly the largest on this floor from what Levi’s seen. He tries to not look at the charred bodies littering the floor around him, instead focusing on the equipment in the centre of the room. He motions for the squad to fan out and investigate. 

Hanji and Levi’s squad members move off in teams of two, meaning that the annoying Shitty-Glasses is with him. She bounds forward with a whoop of excitement to the centre of the room, uncaring of any possible danger, and Levi hisses at her, “Do you want to die? Shut the fuck up and be careful!”

“Aww, Levi,” she whines, “Don’t spoil my fun. Just look at all this research! And the _experiments_! Levi!”

“Exactly! It’s fucking in experimental stages for a reason, Shitty-Glasses! Be careful, for fuck’s sakes!”

Hanji stops her incessant bouncing and turns, giving Levi a strange look, “Hey, Levi… are you… are you okay? You seem a little… on edge.”

Levi forcibly stops himself from trembling, “I’m fucking fine, you fucking idiot. Just do your fucking job!”

Hanji’s eyes widen a little at Levi’s use of language – even more than usual - but she moves forward to investigate a little more carefully. Levi stands, frozen in place as he watches Hanji poking around at the machinery. The equipment seems placed in a circle around something that looks like it used to be a glass container but is now melted at the rims.

“Fascinating,” Hanji breaths, “From what I can tell, it seems like they were trying to synthesise something, but the experiment failed and resulted in a fire. It almost looks like- hey, do you hear that?”

And Levi can hear it. A faint but steady bleeping noise. He frantically searches for the origin of the sound and walks up to one of the larger machines where he thinks it’s coming from. He peers at a cracked piece of glass which appears like it used to be a screen of some kind. Levi scrapes away a thick layer of ash from the piece of glass that is the least broken using his glove and leans forward to see faint digital writing. A red light flashes in time with the beeping and alongside are faint digital numbers. Levi squints to make out the digits and his heart stops when he deciphers them.

It’s countdown timer.

And there are only seventeen seconds left.

“EVERYONE GET OUT!” he yells and the rest of the team waste no time being startled before sprinting towards the exit.

Levi runs to the door only when everyone else is out before him. He glances back and finds Hanji still leaning over the glass, oblivious to the danger. Levi leaps forward and drags her towards the exit by the back of her jacket. 

Hanji yelps in surprise but quickly realises that something’s amiss when she notices that the team is no longer present and the panicked expression on Levi’s face. She twists in his grips and runs alongside him. Mentally, Levi is counting down with the timer.

3…

They’re not going to make it. The corridor’s too long.

2… 

The exit is barely in sight.

1…

Levi grabs Hanji’s arm and quickly drops them to floor, whipping her under him just as the timer hits zero.

The explosion sends a wave of flame over Levi’s back as he lies covering as much of Hanji as his shorter stature can allow. His opened jacket covers the sides of her that his body doesn’t reach and he has curled her head into the shelter his chest provides.

The heat is unbearable, seductively licking at the exposed bits of his skin, leaving searing trails of pain behind. He fights the urge to scream but he’s not sure if he managed it. He can’t hear anything over the terrible ringing in his ears. The worst of the explosion over, his trembling arms finally give out, and he collapses on Hanji. Moments before he blacks out, he can feel the frantic sound of her heartbeat thumping in his ear and drowning out the ringing.

 _I saved you Hanji_ , he thinks and a small smile tugs at his cracked lips.

_I… saved… you._

~~~~~

“Captain?”

Levi doesn’t respond. The gentle voice that used to sound so soothing now irritates him beyond words. _Just let me sleep, woman._

“C-Captain? It’s me, Petra, please wake up. Please, Captain…” the voice trails off and Levi almost feels bad for ignoring her, except he’s too relieved that it’s gotten him silence.

“-it’s not working,” Petra whispers softly to someone behind her.

“It can’t be helped then,” says another voice and Levi internally feels himself go cold. _Oh god, not her._

“Hey, Levi? Want me to tell you ‘bout my experiments? I’ve done this new one that involves hydrogen and the results are truly fascinating-”

Levi lets out a loud groan that suspiciously sounds like “Shitty-Glasses” and a string of expletives.

The room almost audibly smiles.

“Okay, everyone out. Except you, Hanji. I need you in case he tries to ignore me too.”

Another groan sounds like a suggestion for Erwin to do something anatomically impossible.

“Come on, Levi, get up.”

Levi does not get up.

“I have a ton of water and ice cubes.”

Levi opens one eye slightly and regards the Commander.

“Are they perfect cubes?” he asks hoarsely.

“They even have corners.”

Levi holds out his hand for a glass and doesn’t get up until he feels cold glass dripping with condensation touch the skin of his palm. He sits gingerly, aware of stinging burns across his body and concentrated on his back. He sips once and then holds the glass to his face. He sighs as the temperature in his cheeks begins to lower, letting his eyes flicker closed in relief.

“Aside from a slight fever, you’re healing up nicely,” says Hanji, “Your burns weren’t too bad, except for one on your back, which is going to leave quite an _interesting_ scar.”

“Great,” Levi mutters, eyes still closed, “Like I need more scars.”

Hanji doesn’t make some glib comment, which surprises Levi into opening his eyes to stare at her. She has an odd expression on her face; features twisted and her fists clenched. She suddenly lurches forward and grips Levi’s wrist lightly.

“L-Levi! I, uh,” she says, unsure, “I just want to say, well um, you know, it was really brave what you did and I, um, just…Thank-”

“Don’t mention it,” Levi whispers.

“But Levi-”

“Just don’t.”

Hanji bites her lip and bows her head slightly. Levi can’t see her eyes due to the reflection on her glasses and then suddenly she’s leaving the room, hand on her face.

Levi and Erwin sit in silence for some time while Levi leans his head against his glass. It’s no longer cold. 

“What happened in there, Levi?” Erwin asks quietly, hands clenched in his lap. In answer to Levi’s look, he says, “Both squads had to give in reports. Each one said you were acting strangely.”

Levi huffs. He considers pretending to pass out but a glance at Erwin elicits the words to come out, albeit softly, “It… it was just like in that warehouse five years ago, with – with Isabel and… and Farlan.”

Erwin nods in understanding, but now that Levi’s speaking, he can’t seem to stop.

“The – the ash… it was everywhere and I knew something was wrong. I could feel it. But I went on ahead anyway. And everyone… they just followed me. I could have led someone to their death… _Hanji_ could have died. And it would have been all my fault. They would have died because of me. Just like Isabel and Farlan did,” Levi’s voice breaks off and he furiously as well as stubbornly tries to force any tears back by sheer willpower. 

“That incident wasn’t your fault, Levi,” Erwin sighs, but still knowing full well that Levi won’t believe him. He never has.

They sit in silence again as Levi regains some semblance of control. “So, what now?” he asks. 

“You’re suspended.”

“Excuse me?”

Erwin stands and he towers over Levi. In this moment, he truly looks like a Commander.

“You are temporarily suspended from the Survey Corps for recovery. When I decide that you are fit for duty, then you may return.”

“You’re fucking kidding, right? What the hell am I supposed to do during that time?”

~~~~~

“I take it back. I’ll lie in bed like a good boy. Take me home. Sell me. Anything. _Anything_ but this.”

“Aww, Levi, it’s not that bad. Kids are the future and all that,” Hanji says with a wide grin, apparently back to her normal self.

“And who the fuck thinks it’s a good idea for me to be moulding the delicate little minds of the future?”

“Erwin, apparently, so hush and let’s go meet the little darlings~!”

Levi groans loudly and trudges after her as she enters the Trost Building office area.

~~~~~

“Jaeger, you know, I’ve been getting faster lately.” 

“That’s great, Jean. Really. Now go tell someone who cares.”

“Oh, sorry Jaeger. Forgot I’m talking to an idiot. What I mean is, even with you being a Suicidal Squirrel, I’ll beat you down to the Training Room.”

Eren feels the fire of a challenge light in his belly, “Oho~ is that so? Fine, I’ll humour you. And to prove a point, I’ll go through the fucking office area and still beat you to Training.”

Jean’s eyes narrow, “You’re on. Let’s go, on three.”

“One.”

“Two.”

… “Three!”

Jean takes off at a sprint down the corridor and Eren dives out the nearest window. The blood in his limbs feels electric as he swings from window sill to fire escape to pipe until he reaches the window above the office area.

 _Easy_ , Eren thinks with a smirk and drops. He grabs the edge of the window and swings himself inside.

And collides with someone.

Eren and the person are knocked to the ground. He shakes his head to clear it and opens his mouth to apologise to whoever he is currently crouched over. But the words get stuck in his throat.

It’s Captain Levi Ackerman.

A very peeved expression looks up at him, grey eyes glinting dangerously. 

“Oi, shitty brat, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”


	5. Military Unicorn

Chapter 5 – Military Unicorn

“Planning on ogling me all day, or are you going to get the fuck off me?”

Eren is still practically lying on top of the Captain. His mouth uselessly flaps open and closed. He’s barely able to think something coherent, much less say something. 

The Captain Levi Ackerman narrows his eyes, “Tch, stupid kid,” and pushes at Eren.

“Ahh, Eren,” says Pixis as he walks in, pocket suspiciously bulging with something bottle shaped. “I see you’ve met the new instructor, though I don’t think you need to be _that_ friendly, hm?”

“Pixis,” Levi says flatly. “Get your dog off me.”

Eren still hasn’t moved. He feels frozen. _What have I done?_

“Eren,” Pixis says gently but with a note of warning, “Get to training.”

When he hears the tone of an order, Eren’s body instinctively knows to simply follow through – thankfully. He jumps to his feet and salutes, “Yes, sir!” and he sprints through to the training area.

~~~~~

Levi watches the kid go impassively even while he feels faintly nauseous. He seemed so familiar. Those eyes… It can’t be… Can it?

“Tough break, having to train the kids, Levi,” Pixis is saying, “But it wasn’t that long ago that you were here,” he smiles, cheeks flushed ever so lightly and eyes not entirely focused.

“It’s been seven fucking years, old man. But I get it. You’re just starting to lose track of time in your old age.”

“Ever the comedian, I see. Now, come on. This old man has something to show you.”

“Unless it’s a noose, I’m not interested,” Levi mutters under his breath but Pixis chuckles. Damn his super hearing. Pixis struts through the office area and Levi follows through to the Training Room.

Levi’s nose crinkles at the smell of sweat and he frowns. _Ahh, the memories._

Shadis has already begun the training when they enter and Levi, already bored, watches some of the kids warm up. Some are preparing to lift weights, including a short blonde girl and taller black haired boy with a splatter of freckles across his face. Some are jogging around the room and one girl seems to have a potato in her mouth while doing it. Levi’s eyes come to rest on the boy who tackled him to the ground. His face is red and he’s talking rather heatedly with another boy with his hair dyed two different shades. 

“So what did you need to show me, old man?” Levi asks, pretending as if the kid isn’t the only thing that interests him.

Pixis smiles and lifts an unmarked bottle to his lips. Levi thinks he can see a twinkle of mischief in his eyes as he gestures to the two boys, who were getting progressively louder. “Watch,” he whispers, taking a swig. Or a gulp. You can never tell with Pixis. 

Levi frowns but turns nevertheless.

~~~~~

“God, Jaeger, I knew you were useless but being _that_ late?”

“Shut up, Jean!” Eren says, cheeks rapidly reddening and fists clenched, “I got distracted, your win doesn’t mean anything.”

“Of course you would say that, Jaeger. So, what? You’ve been getting up early to train for what? You’re still as useless as when you started.”

“Jean,” says Mikasa as she steps in front of Eren protectively. “That’s enough.”

But he was on a roll. “Oho, can’t Jaeger-boy even protect himself? He has to get his sister to do it? God, you’re pathetic. Why are you even still here? You say you want to extinguish all the fires? You want to save people? Give me a break! Like anyone would want to be saved by you. You’d probably fuck it up. Like you always do. Stop wasting everyone’s time here. Stop trying so hard. You don’t belong here, Jaeger. Just leave. Before I kick your ass out of here.”

Eren feels himself shaking and his shoulders are hunched over – as if already in defeat. Mikasa looks ready to say something else but Eren puts a hand on her shoulder and gently moves her out of the way. 

“Try it then.”

The room is silent and Eren is aware of everyone watching him – including a pair of grey eyes. He can feel them trained on him unwaveringly. Waiting. Challenging.

“What did you say, Jaeger?”

Eren raises his head and straightens his shoulders, “I said try it. You say I’m useless? You say I’m pathetic? You say I don’t belong here? Well then, fine. Prove it.”

The room seems impossibly tense as he meets Jean’s eyes and he says something that causes an almost audible simultaneous intake of breath from the entire room.

“Fight me.”

Jean is silent along with the rest of the room before he starts laughing – an ugly laugh that echoes unpleasantly in the thick suspenseful silence of the room. When he eventually stops laughing, his eyes narrow wickedly, “God, Jaeger, I’m gonna enjoy you eating this floor.”

Eren doesn’t say anything as they move to stand on the open floor designated for combat training and practice. Jean stands nonchalantly, completely sure of his victory. Eren raises his fists in front of him and they’re shaking. With nerves? With excitement? With fear? He doesn’t know.

Combat is a required aspect of training even for firefighters in the event of them being needed to be law enforcers at a moment’s notice. Most of the trainees don’t understand but still do it, if even just to pass it. Eren always avoids it when he can. He’s one of the worst in the class in combat. So bad that the running joke is that if he ever needs to get into a fight, he’ll need to jump into a tree and scamper away like the Squirrel he’s named after.

No one mentions that joke now. Some people are looking at Eren with pity on their faces – most of the trainees and instructors. Connie looks unhappy but like he knew the fight has always been inevitable. Annie and Reiner’s faces are unreadable. Bertolt just looks sad, not meeting Eren’s eyes. Sasha, Marco and Armin look desperate, with their eyes wide and mouths open slightly. Mikasa seems to be more scared than Eren thinks he himself feels. His roaming eyes then catch on Captain Levi Ackerman. His body posture seems relaxed but as Eren looks closer, he thinks he sees a tension in the jaw and across the shoulders. 

“Oi, Jaeger, you gonna keep me waiting or what? Stop looking around for help!”

Captain Levi stares back at Eren, and almost imperceptibly, nods once.

“Hey, _Eren_ , what are you waiting for? Come on-”

Eren lunges forward and thrusts the palm of his hand upwards in an attempt to knock Jean’s chin and force his head backwards. Jean recovers from the initial shock of Eren’s sudden attack before he makes contact and dodges to the side, attacking Eren’s open side with a well-aimed punch. The wind is knocked out of him and Eren coughs once before sidestepping and avoiding Jean’s kick aimed to swipe his legs out from under him. Jean reaches out and grips Eren’s hair. He tugs and Eren’s head is snapped to the side, his back arching uncomfortably, and leaving his front wide open.

“It used to be cute seeing how hard you used to try, Eren,” Jean murmurs, eyes narrowed and dancing with the thrill of the fight. He uses his free hand to punch Eren hard in the gut. Eren coughs and Jean does it again. And again.

“I thought you wanted a fight, Eren? This is pathetic. A punching bag would have been more fun.”

Jean releases his hair and Eren slumps forward, struggling to catch his breath. Jean then brings his elbow down on the muscle at the base of Eren’s neck causing his legs to buckle. Eren is on his knees before Jean, panting. 

“You disgust me,” Jean spits and kicks Eren under the chin, sending him sprawling. While Eren’s down, Jean kicks him the stomach. Eren coughs again and is mildly surprised to find red. His vision is moving quickly out of focus and he blinks rapidly, desperately trying to clear it. 

“What’s the matter, Eren? You gonna cry?” and he kicks him again.

Eren hears a cry in the background. Mikasa. He squints, and makes out the form of his sister straining against the hold of Armin. 

“-ren!”

_Sorry, Mikasa, I can’t hear you anymore._

“Eren, please!”

_I thought I could do it, but I guess he’s right. I **am** useless. I’m sorry._

Annie’s also holding her back now. He can see Mikasa crying. _No, don’t do that._

“Completely useless,” Jean spits and prepares to kick again. 

And in that moment it feels as though time has slowed. Eren knows that if Jean kicks him again, he’s not going to remain conscious. But what can he do? He’s weak. Jean was right; he doesn’t belong here. Who is he kidding? That the Survey Corps will accept him? Eren feels the beginnings of a delirious bubble of laughter forming in his throat. Even Captain Levi is watching this. Eren’s eyes flick to where the Captain was standing and is surprised to see that he moved forward, almost in the ring of people surrounding the fight. Eren can practically hear the unspoken words in the Captain’s gaze as he stands tensely, hands fisted at his sides.

_Well?_

_What are you doing?_

_Get up._

_Fight._

Eren’s eyes widen and Jean’s leg comes closer. 

_Fight._

That’s what it’s all about isn’t it?

_Fight._

Eren lifts his arm and grips Jean’s leg at the last moment, stopping him and nearly throwing him off balance.

_Fight._

It’s what he said to Mikasa all those years ago wasn’t it? And he’d forgotten.

_Fight._

He thrusts Jean’s leg away from him and Jean stumbles backwards, surprised. Eren slowly, painfully gets to his feet. He coughs again into his hand but ignores the blood staining his palm.

“Eren!” Mikasa screams. “ _Fight!_ ”

And suddenly Eren hears it. The sound of his fellow trainees shouting. For him.

“Come on, Eren! Fight!”

“You can do it! Fight, Eren!”

“Fight, Eren, Fight!”

“Don’t go actually dying on us now, Suicidal Squirrel! Fight!”

_Fight._

Jean’s obviously unhappy at the support Eren’s getting and he yells, charging him. Eren might be imagining that he catches Annie’s eye as he returns to his original combat stance. Jean throws a punch at his face with his left hand and Eren grabs Jean’s wrist in his own left hand. He pulls his arm slightly downward making Jean stagger and then he hooks his right hand around Jean’s neck. He kicks at Jean’s leg and simultaneously yanks Jean’s neck towards him. Jean is whipped to the ground and lands on his back, head cracking against the floor with a sickening sound. 

He looks flabbergasted, and he mutters dazedly, “What the hell was that?” before he passes out.

There is silence again and Eren falls to his knees in exhaustion. Then the room explodes around him. The ring of people rushes inwards and he’s suddenly being clapped on the back and congratulated. People are yelling and cheering in his ear and he feels like he might join Jean on the floor. Then Mikasa is there, crying and hugging her to him as he slumps in her grasp. He meets eyes with Annie over Mikasa’s shoulder and she nods. Just a nod, and Eren feels proud of himself. 

“Thank you,” he mouths and she shrugs, glancing towards Mikasa. 

Marco smiles softly at him before lifting Jean to carry him off to the infirmary. 

“Alright, you little shits, get up and get back to training, that’s enough entertainment for today. _Yes_ , Connie I can see you,” snaps Shadis and the ring dissipates.

Annie puts a hand on Mikasa’s shoulder and squeezes lightly. She has stopped crying and is simply holding Eren to her with her face buried in his neck. She lifts her head slowly and Eren sees her eyes are still red. _She looks like she’s lost everything_ , he thinks.

“Hey,” Eren whispers to her, resting their foreheads together, “I’m not going anywhere, okay?” and he lightly head-butts her. She raises a hand to her forehead more out of surprise than of any pain and he sees the fire in her eyes begin to reignite. Annie nudges her again and then helps her to her feet. Without Mikasa, Eren slumps back down to his haunches, trying to gather up the energy to stand. 

_Can’t I just lie here and sleep for a bit?_ He thinks wistfully, a little envious of Jean’s state. He feels beaten. Well, he is, but… Eren closes his eyes for a moment. _Just for a little bit._

“Oi.”

Eren’s eyes flutter open again. Captain Levi is looking down at him with his hand reaching for him. His hair as black as smoke. He’s frowning and his lips are set in a tight line. 

“Oi,” he repeats, now waving the outstretched hand in Eren’s face, “Shitty brat. Come on, let me help you up.”

“I’m not a brat,” Eren says and manages to smile tiredly. _Isn’t this familiar?_

Eren notices Captain Levi’s eyes widen imperceptibly and the line of his lips relax slightly. Eren’s eyes are still on his lips when he says, “Sure thing, kid. Well, come on then, I’m getting old here.”

Eren reaches to grab the hand offered to him but he hesitates when he notices that his hand is still stained with his blood. Captain Levi apparently notices too, as Eren can see from the way his eyes flick to the blood, but he doesn’t seem to care as he grips Eren’s hand firmly and lifts him to his feet. Eren’s legs wobble and he almost falls again but then Captain Levi is there – supporting him. He drapes one of Eren’s arms around his shoulders and places his own arm securely around Eren’s lower back. Eren inhales sharply when Captain Levi touches his side and the Captain adjusts his grip to his hip. 

The two make slow progress across the Training Room as the Captain leads him out. When he turns to head to the infirmary, Eren stops.

“Oi, we need to get you fixed up, kid,” Captain Levi says impatiently, trying to tug him further.

Eren pulls out of his grip and leans against the wall, sliding down until he’s sitting; legs outstretched in front of him and back supported. 

“I just need a little rest, then I’ll be in training in no time,” he mutters, not wanting to miss out, eyes fluttering closed. If his fight with Jean taught him anything, it’s that he has a long way to go before he can consider himself as strong. This past week of training isn’t enough. He needs to work even harder. Also, though he won’t admit it out loud, he doesn’t want to go to the infirmary when Horse-face can possibly still be there.

“Hey, kid, don’t go to sleep,” the Captain says, clicking his fingers in front of Eren’s face. He reluctantly opens his eyes to see Captain Levi bending down in front of him. His grey eyes seem to be scanning his face and Eren gets the feeling like he’s memorising it.

“Yes, mom” Eren says softly with a smirk, leaning his head back against the wall but keeping his eyes open.

Captain Levi huffs and straightens. “Fine. If you won’t go then I suppose I’ll stay with you,” he mutters, seemingly more for his own benefit. He regards the floor Eren’s sitting on and curls his lip. The Captain then settles for leaning against the wall while standing with his arms crossed. 

They don’t speak, which Eren is grateful for. If he tried, he’ll probably look like even more of an idiot. But he can’t deny the little spark of pride he feels blooming in his chest from winning the fight, albeit marginally. No, he may not be strong yet, but he’s get stronger. Eventually, Eren feels his eyes beginning to drift closed again so he busies himself with studying the crests hanging on the wall of the corridor. The Survey Corps, the Garrison, the Military Police.

“Overlapping wings,” Eren recites, and Captain Levi observes him from the corner of his eye, “To represent the goal of freeing ourselves from the fear of fires. Roses with thorns: fortification; the importance of preventing fires and recognising that even a perfect system or plan can be flawed. The Unicorn… the unicorn… what the hell does a unicorn have to do with anything?” Eren mutters, not able to recall.

“The Unicorn,” the Captain says, and Eren cranes his neck to look up at him, “To represent the myth that the Military Police do shit that is actually useful.”

Eren is shocked for a moment before he starts to laugh. Really laugh. He starts off hesitant but he surprises both Captain Levi and himself with the volume when he gets there. When he eventually stops, he’s astonished to remember that he hasn’t really laughed like that since last week. He’s just been too busy.

“Captain… Ackerman?” he asks hesitantly. 

“Don’t be so formal kid.”

“Captain… Levi?”

The Captain sighs, “Just Levi is fine.”

“L-Levi,” Eren says, feeling embarrassed for some reason, “…sir.”

“God, kid,” Levi says with another sigh, “What is it?”

“Thank you,” Eren breaths, not sure how to phrase what Levi’s presence had meant during the fight, “I just… for… in there, um, thank you, sir,” he finishes lamely, wanting to smack himself but not being able to lift his hand far enough.

Levi snorts, “How eloquent. Don’t worry about it, brat,” and he ruffles Eren’s hair. Eren thinks he saw Levi hesitate a little but he can’t be sure. This was Captain Levi Ackerman after all.

“I’m not a brat,” he mumbles, but he doesn’t move his head away from Levi’s touch.

“Sure thing, kid,” Levi smirks, but he doesn’t move his hand away from Eren’s hair. 

It’s silent again, but Eren decides he likes it. He also decides that he like the feeling of Levi’s hand gently moving through his hair. And he also decides that he is most definitely not leaning into Levi and if he is then it’s because he’s tired.

“So are you finished being a baby and ready to go to the infirmary?” Levi asks softly and Eren, startled, lifts his head to look at him. “I’m sure the other kid’s been sent to bed already.”

Eren opens his mouth to protest but when the corner of Levi’s mouth twitches slightly, he realises that it won’t do much good. He’s about to struggle to his feet when Levi offers his hand again. Levi lifts him to his feet and they resume their earlier position. Eren lifts his arm to rest it over Levi’s shoulders – _hey he’s shorter than me_ – and accidentally brushes against Levi’s back. Levi hisses in pain and Eren is about to back off with apologies streaming from his mouth but Levi grips his hip firmly. 

“Don’t worry about me, kid,” he murmurs, “I just have a few injuries of my own.”

Eren swallows and puts his arm back, but being careful to avoid Levi’s back. He notices welts and burns along Levi’s neck and he inhales sharply. Did Levi get caught in a fire?

“Come on, brat,” Levi huffs when he notices where Eren is looking, “You’re the one going to the infirmary, not me. You never seen a burn mark before?”

Eren doesn’t answer. He’s seen worse, and Levi knows that.

But he gets the feeling that, with Levi, sometimes answers aren’t needed.


	6. Painful Development

The nurse doesn’t look surprised when she see Eren.

“I knew that if anyone would have given little Jean-boy a concussion, it must’ve been you, Eren,” she tuts and gestures towards one of the beds.

Eren smiles guiltily while Levi leads him and gently extricates himself before seating himself on another bed.

“I’m just making sure you’re not going to die from internal bleeding or some shit,” Levi mutters in response to Eren’s questioning look. 

Eren’s eyes widen a bit and Levi tries to remember how to breathe but the moment disappears quickly when the nurse dabs a cotton ball with antiseptic on a cut on Eren’s upper lip. He yelps and attempts to move away but the nurse grabs his chin firmly, causing his eyes to widen even further.

“Now, you sit still, deary,” she says softly and Eren looks ready to run, “I don’t want to have to put you to sleep.”

Eren gulps, but doesn’t move.

“Stupid kid,” Levi snorts and Eren looks about to reply before the nurse pushes his chin the other way to inspect the other side of his face.

“Your face seems mostly unharmed, dear. It’s a good thing too, you’re so cute,” she says, patting his cheek, after cleaning off the blood and disinfecting any open wounds. “Your chin will have some bruising though. Where else does it hurt?”

Eren points to his side and his abdomen and the nurse motions for him to take off his shirt. He complies, albeit gingerly, and slowly peels his shirt off. Levi decides to very resolutely look out the window at this point. Even now, seven years later, the windows are still closed. Levi thinks he’s never seen them open.

“Oh, Eren,” the nurse gasps and Levi’s attention snaps back. Eren’s chest is peppered with ugly bruises already beginning to form. Levi feels faintly sick just looking at them. Eren pokes one experimentally and winces.

“Ow,” he giggles and the nurse lightly smacks him on the head before doing some poking and prodding of her own.

Levi watches as Eren tries very hard to keep his movements and whimpers to a minimum and Levi tries very hard to focus on the Eren’s injuries rather than looking like he’s ogling his chest.

 _Damn brat_ , Levi thinks, _if he can’t fight, where does he get muscles like that? What the hell does he **do**?_

“Eren, you’ve got yourself a bruised rib,” the nurse says, “It’s not too bad, but take it easy with the training, understand? And leave Jean alone for a while,” she says, flicking Eren’s nose, “Stay here while I go get some bandages and painkillers. Come, deary, you can help,” she motions to Levi.

Levi feels a snarky remark on the tip of his tongue and Eren looks like he’s about to laugh just from the expression that Levi must be wearing. 

He keeps silent though and follows the nurse through to another room, stopping only to pull the finger at Eren once she’s not looking. Eren starts laughing and Levi follows after the nurse again with a smirk on his face.

There is a short corridor between the ward and what seems to be a storeroom. He passes a girl with long black hair pulled into loose pigtails. She doesn’t notice him from trying to balance a glass of water and several boxes of tablets. Levi enters the storeroom and the nurse flaps her hand at him, “Oh, don’t worry, dear, my assistant is already helping. You can back to your little friend now.”

Levi grunts impatiently. _Woman, how old do you think I am?_

He turns on a heel and stomps back down the corridor but stops just before re-entering the ward when he hears a girl giggling.

A quick and sneaky peak around the corner shows him that it’s the girl that he passed – the assistant.

She giggles again and touches Eren’s bicep. Eren looks relaxed and he’s laughing too.

Levi retracts his head and suddenly doesn’t feel well. He lets out a shaky breath but doesn’t move from his position leaning against the wall.

 _He’s a kid_ , he thinks to himself, _what are you getting so worked up about?_

And he can’t stop listening.

~~~~~

Eren laughs but wonders why Mina hasn’t moved her hand from his arm, “Well, I’ve been working really hard, but I still have a long way to go.”

Mina giggles again. _What? Did I say something funny?_

“I’m serious, Eren,” Mina says, looking Eren directly in the eye, and Eren feels a little uncomfortable. She leans a little closer and Eren fights his natural reaction to lean away, “The fight was really impressive! Look, my hearts still racing!” She grips his wrist and holds his palm to her chest. Eren blushes and pulls away his hand almost immediately. _That is most definitely **not** your heart._

“Hey, Eren, you know, after the fight, I came here to help ‘cause I hoped you’d be here.”

“O-oh? Okay, um, why?” Eren says, feeling increasingly awkward from her closeness.

“Hey, Eren, do you like anyone?”

“W-what?” Eren is confused. Is something wrong with her? Why is she changing the subject? Why is she still standing so close?

“Is there anyone you like, Eren?” Mina says lowly and she moves even closer.

Eren splutters for a bit and can feel his face becoming even redder, “Anyone I like? There’s a lot of people I like. Except Jean of course. But I don’t think anyone likes him.”

Mina giggles again and Eren swears her eyes look almost predatory, “No, Eren, I mean someone you _like_.”

Eren is confused before he clicks. _Oh_. Unbidden, an image surfaces in his mind of Levi standing watching the fight with his fist clenched at his sides. Eren remembers sitting in the hallway with Levi lightly running his fingers through his hair. _God, my face must be so red right now. What am I thinking?_ But Levi is a guy. Eren can’t… can he? _I admire and respect him. That’s it. Nothing else._ But even Eren is unconvinced.

Mina shifts again and Eren thinks he must look like a bent over pretzel. He winces at the pain and collapses onto the bed with a gasp. To his surprise, Mina joins him, crouched over him much like he was hovering over Levi earlier. 

“Well, Eren? Would you say that you perhaps, liked… me?” Mina practically _purrs_.

Oh. _Oh_.

“Sorry Mina,” Eren blurts, “But I don’t think I could ever think of you as more than a friend. We… we can still be friends, right?”

Mina looks a little shocked, “What?”

“You heard the kid.”

Eren and Mina both look up to see Levi standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. 

“Captain Levi!” Mina breathes, eyes sparkling, and Eren remembers she was the one who was fangirling over Levi after the news. His eyes narrow a bit.

“That’s Captain Ackerman to you, girl,” he says coldly and Eren suddenly doesn’t mind being called a kid. “You’re the assistant here, right? I didn’t realise that your job includes jumping the patients.”

Mina flushes, “I – I wasn’t! I’m just-”

“Oh, it doesn’t? Then why don’t you actually go and do something that fits your fucking job description?”

“Y-yes, sir!” she says and hurries out the room. Eren notices that it’s the door that exits the infirmary completely but doesn’t say anything. 

Levi straightens his shirt, looking pretty proud of himself, and sits back down on the other bed. Eren stares at him. “What?” he says, “I mean honestly, kid. ‘We can still be friends, right?’ Give me a break.”

Eren desperately tries to defend himself but Levi’s insufferable smirk doesn’t change. The nurse re-enters and asks about her missing assistant but Levi and Eren deny knowing where she went. The nurse indicates the dosage on each of the boxes and then tells Eren to lift his arms. He does and she begins wrapping him tightly.

Eren gasps and sees spots at the edges of his vision. He feels like he might pass out but Levi clicks his fingers and motions with his two fingers from Eren’s face to his own. _Keep your eyes on me._

Eren doesn’t blink, just studies Levi’s face. What Eren mistook for a frown just seems to be a permanent feature of indifference on his face but Eren thinks now that his expression seems a little softer. Eren also suspects he sees a little upturn in the set of Levi’s mouth. Eren feels a smile of his own begin to form. He has an idea.

“All set,” says the nurse. “Take two of the blue ones now. Is there anything else, dear?”

Levi stands, preparing to leave.

“Yes, ma’am,” Eren casually says while putting his shirt back on and Levi freezes. He glares at Eren, as if he knows what is going through his mind. “Levi here also has an injury. On his back.”

 _If looks could kill,_ Eren thinks. He should be scared, but he’s too busy laughing. 

“Well? Come on, then, off with the shirt.”

Levi manages to still look very cool and collected as he takes his shirt off really carefully. Eren tells himself that he’s only admiring his abs because it serves as motivation.

The nurse carefully extricates the bandages already wrapping Levi, “Turn around, dear.”

Levi turns and Eren sucks in a breath. On his back is an angry red burn that looks like it’s been swiped across his back. Eren thinks that it kind of looks like… a wing. Like the one on the Survey Corps crest. But singular. Without its partner. Alone.

The nurse tuts, “And when were you going to come back here for treatment? You don’t want his to get infected, do you?”

Levi grumbles in response and the nurse leaves for the storeroom again.

“How did… what happened?” Eren asks softly, after a few moments silence. 

He thinks Levi isn’t going to reply and Eren starts to feel bad for forcing Levi. But Levi just sighs while looking down.

“There was freak explosion and I used my own body to shield my friend. That’s it.”

When Eren doesn’t respond, Levi lifts his eyes and seems to be a bit taken aback by Eren’s expression. Eren thinks it must be because he looks stupid or something.

He just knew Levi was different. He doesn’t fight fires for the glory – he does it to save people. Eren feels a surge of respect and admiration.

“I see,” he breathes, not trusting himself to say more without sounding like a fangirl – and that’s the last thing he wants. He doesn’t want to sound as if he worships Levi simply because he gives off a cool persona. He doesn’t want to be the same as people like Mina – simply chasing people who are ‘impressive’.

The nurse returns with some poultice and smears it gently across the burn. Levi’s expression doesn’t change as he stares at Eren, and Eren can’t bring himself to look away. The nurse wraps Levi up again in a fresh bandage and says while he redresses, “Now dear, come back each day so I can check on you, okay? Eren, you should come too if you experiences any discomfort. Oh, and be a dear and make sure your little friend here comes back, okay?”

“Excuse me?” Levi says, “What the fuck? I-”

Eren jumps off his bed and wraps his hands around Levi’s mouth, “Yes, ma’am! I’ll do that! Come on, Levi!” and Eren drags the protesting Levi out the infirmary. When in the hall, Eren suddenly is very aware of his subordinate status and releases him immediately.

Levi furiously wipes his mouth, “Don’t you ever fucking do that again. Who knows where your fucking hands have been? And I should fucking go back in there. What the fuck? Does she think I’m some fucking trainee or something?”

Eren laughs, “Maybe she thinks you’re one of us kids because you’re so sh-”

Levi grips the front of Eren’s shirt and pulls them together so that they’re in each other’s faces, “Finish that sentence, I dare you.”

Eren is equal parts afraid and struggling to hold in laughter. Levi only seems about ten centimetres shorter but he definitely makes up for it in attitude. Though Eren still finds it funny that Levi has to look up to threaten him.

“Am I interrupting something, Levi?” says a woman’s voice next to them and Levi releases Eren’s shirt.

“Yeah, you interrupted his execution. Remind him to thank you.”

The woman laughs. She’s wearing glasses and her brown hair is messily pulled up into a ponytail. She smiles very easily and reaches out to pat Levi’s head. He practically snarls at her and she laughs again.

“Hi, I’m Hanji Zoe,” she says, shaking Eren’s hand quite vigorously. “I hope my little Levi hasn’t been giving you any trouble.”

“Don’t you fucking start Hanji,” Levi says but she absently makes shushing motions at him with one hand.

“What’s your name, recruit?” Hanji asks and Eren finally realises why her name sounds familiar – she’s a squad leader in the Survey Corps.

He quickly salutes, “Eren Jaeger, ma’am!”

“Oh, he’s cute,” she coos, “I like him, Levi.”

“Well, that’s fucking great for you. Think you can choose him as your favourite person to annoy?”

“Ignore him,” Hanji says to Eren, “Most people do.”

“I’ll fucking ignore your death.”

“Yes, Levi, whatever you say.”

Eren watches the exchange silently but he then starts to laugh, causing the both of them to look at him. He stops, feeling a bit awkward, and Hanji says, “Oh, he’s even cuter when he laughs, Levi! Can I keep him?”

“Hanji, I thought you knew better than to steal Pixis’ dogs until they’re ready to be sold.”

“Oh, but Levi~ I’ll take good care of him!”

The mention of Pixis shocks Eren. Training! He feels better now so he can go back, right?

“Please excuse me, Squad Leader Zoe! Captain Levi!” he says and begins to head back.

“Oi, brat,” Levi says, gripping Eren’s wrist and holding him back, “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Before Eren can answer, Levi seems to get it, “You’re going back to training, aren’t you?”

“Yes, sir,” Eren says, desperately hoping he’ll understand. He must get stronger!

Levi huffs and says, “How’s this, brat: you skip training today and actually get some rest, and I’ll start personally training you when you can handle it. If you don’t get in the Top 10 for that Evaluation you’re undoubtedly trying so hard for, I’ll call _myself_ short.”

Eren is surprised at how much Levi seems to know about him. Is he really observant or is Eren just easy to read?

“Levi,” Hanji says in shock, “Did you just… did you just offer to do extra work? Did you just _admit that you’re short_?”

“I did nothing of the sort, Shitty Glasses. Not only are you blind but you’re going deaf too.”

“Levi~” Hanji whines but she’s laughing.

“Thank you, sir!” Eren says, and Levi turns his attention back to him. “But I’ll still need to excuse myself… If-if that’s okay,” he mumbles, a little intimidated by Levi’s unchanging expression.

“Oh, let the boy go, Levi! I need to show you where we’ll be staying!”

“’We’? What the fuck? You’re going to be let loose around this place?”

“Yes! Weren’t you listening earlier? I was saying that-”

“Okay, you know what, I don’t care, just stop talking.”

“Levi~”

“Go on, kid,” Levi says, releasing Eren’s wrist. “Escape while you can.”

“Yes, sir!”

Eren leaves the squad leaders and heads back to the training room. He hears them as he walks even though it seems Hanji’s tried to lower her voice.

“Hey, Levi, that kid seems kind of familiar… isn’t he the one-”

“Shut up, Shitty Glasses.”

When Eren re-enters the Training Room, more than a few people call out an enthusiastic greeting to which Eren just nods dazedly in response. He can’t even remember the last time he’d been so welcome anywhere. Shadis eventually sees Eren.

“Jaeger! What’s the damage, boy?”

Eren salutes, “Sir! Nothing I can’t handle, sir.”

“That’s what I like to hear, Jaeger. Now go run some laps and get back to training.”

“Yes, sir!”

While Eren’s jogging – and trying to not pass out – Armin starts jogging next to him.

Armin doesn’t say anything and neither does Eren. He just tries to keep his pants as inaudible as possible and to keep from suddenly losing balance and careening into a wall.

When he’s done, Eren moves off to the weights and Armin follows him. But when Eren tries to pick one up, he drops it with a gasp, clutching at his chest, where he guesses the offending rib must be.

Armin moves forward and suddenly grips Eren’s shirt, pulling upward. He is still silent when he takes in the layer of bandages around Eren’s torso. Armin not saying anything is an Armin that Eren is not used to. Armin-that-is-not-Armin grips Eren’s wrist and pulls him along to the exit and Eren just miserably accepts. Once out in the corridor, they run into Pixis who looks between them and simply nods, allowing them to pass. Armin-that-is-not-Armin nods back in gratitude and continues pulling Eren. The real Armin only returns once Eren is seated on his bed. His blonde friend stands with his arms tensely crossed. 

Eren looks down and picks at his duvet. Armin looks _livid_. 

But he doesn’t shout. He never does.

“God, Eren,” Armin sighs and then sits next to him.

“Sorry,” Eren mumbles.

“What are you sorry for? Sorry that you even fought Jean in the first place or sorry that you came back to training like an idiot even though you’re obviously still too injured.”

Eren thinks carefully and decides to be honest, “Sorry that you caught me trying to train.”

Armin exhales heavily out his nose, but doesn’t say anything.

“I at least thought you’d be proud of me,” Eren mutters sulkily, watching Armin’s reaction from under his eyelashes.

“Oh, Eren, you know I’m proud of you for winning,” Armin sighs and Eren smiles at his victory. Armin can’t stay angry at him for too long. Armin turns to Eren, fully aware of the manipulation, “I just wish you weren’t such an idiot sometimes.”

“Sometimes I wish Mikasa could cook, but it looks like none of our wishes are being granted.”

“ _Eren_ ,” Armin moans in exasperation.

“ _Armin_ ,” Eren moans back, just to be annoying.

“So, what’s wrong?”

“Bruised rib apparently but listen, Armin, I can’t _not_ go to training. If anything, I need more of it. I can’t be weak anymore,” Eren says desperately.

Armin sighs, “Eren, you’re not weak. The fact that you managed to even make a comeback like that in the fight should’ve proved that.”

“If I wasn’t weak, I wouldn’t have been on the floor in the first place.” 

“No, if you weren’t an idiot you wouldn’t have been on the floor in the first place.”

Eren grumbles and Armin sighs again, “Eren, just… think before you do things, okay? If not for your own safety then just think about Mikasa. She was sent to her room shortly after you left because she couldn’t train. Mikasa. Mikasa _not being able to train_. Do you understand? Don’t do this to her, Eren. You should know better than anyone.”

Eren doesn’t know how to respond to that. He just leans forward and grips his hair in one hand.

Armin stands, “I’m gonna go back to training, okay?” 

Eren stays silent. 

Just before Armin leaves, he turns and says with a small smile, “Hey, Eren? You looked pretty cool back there. Just try to stay alive to enjoy the attention, okay?”

Five minutes later, Eren stands and heads down the corridor. He knocks on the door and isn’t completely surprised to find that Annie opens it. She regards him stoically before stepping back and jerking her head to indicate he should enter. He doesn’t see Mikasa on her bed but after a moment’s consideration, he sits and leans his back against the wall next to the cupboard. Annie closes the door and leans against it. 

After easily ten minutes of thick silence, the cupboard quietly creaks open and Mikasa peeps out at Eren over the edge of the red scarf. She crawls out and kneels next to Eren with her arms clutched around her, moving in a daze. She slumps forward and simply rests her head against his shoulder. Eren reaches out and brings her onto his lap. He adjusts so that her face is still hidden in his shoulder and his rib isn’t in too much pain. Eren then wraps his arms around her carefully, deeply afraid of breaking her when she seems so fragile. He looks up at Annie and tells her with his eyes to sit as well. She’s barely seated before Mikasa shyly reaches a hand out. Annie entwines their fingers with a small sigh and Eren can feel a little tension in Mikasa’s body disappear.

She might get over it one day or she might never be okay with what happened. Eren squeezes her a little tighter, ignoring the pain. But if she needed support then she would get it.

Eren glances at Annie.

He’s glad that Mikasa has let someone else in.


	7. Chocolate Icing

When Mikasa was six, her mother died. Shortly after, her father seemed to lose his mind. Her older sister by ten years, Tsubaki, tried to take on the role of caretaker, since their father was often too lost in his own thoughts, and alcohol, to be much of a parent. 

Mikasa didn’t mind. As long as she could follow Tsubaki around, she was content. Her young mind already replaced her late mother. She didn’t miss her. She associated her memories with her sister. Her sister became the woman who took care of her when she was sick and the woman who sang sing her to sleep after a nightmare. Tsubaki was the only mother she remembered and needed. So her real mother was forgotten.

But Tsubaki did remember their mother. Sometimes the pain of her memory became too much and she then holed herself up in her room when she thought Mikasa was asleep. She would try to cry as quietly as possible in grief for her mother, afraid to disturb her father or her baby sister. Mikasa knew though. And every time she noticed Tsubaki’s smile start to falter; a dish slip out of her hand from an unexpected hand tremor; or her eyes glaze over as she begun losing her hold on reality, she would be there. She wouldn’t say anything because she didn’t know what to say. She would simply fist the material of Tsubaki’s shirt in her little hand and she would simply _be_ there. 

Most of the time, Tsubaki didn’t react to it, just choosing to take a deep breath and continue whatever she had been doing before. Other times though, Tsubaki would gently stroke Mikasa’s hair; offer a shaky smile; or fall to her knees and cry with her arms wrapped around her sister’s little body. Mikasa could only stretch her short arms around her sister’s neck and let her cry.

Mikasa never cried – because Tsubaki did.

Sometimes, their father would disappear for a day. Or a week. Or maybe more. Eventually Tsubaki needed to get a part-time job. But every day, Tsubaki would fetch her from school. Then she’d make her lunch and ask her about her day. She’d help Mikasa with her homework, while simultaneously doing her own. She’d make dinner, which they would eat together. Then, she’d put on her work uniform, kiss Mikasa on the forehead and tell her not to go to bed too late. Mikasa would wait for her though. Once she heard her sister’s key turn in the lock of the front door early in the morning, though, she’d run to greet her. Tsubaki would stroke her hair back and say with a tried smile, “Thanks for waiting up.”

As her sixth year progressed, Mikasa began helping Tsubaki with the household chores. When she got better at it, Tsubaki would let her do them by herself while she worked on her schoolwork. The presence of their father was never a given, but they’d always greet him when they found he was home. He rarely acknowledged their existence, but that suited them just fine. They had each other.

When Mikasa was seven, she met a boy at school named Eren. He was loud, pushy and didn’t have many friends but he was always nice to her and frequently offered for her to join in a game. She never accepted, but always ended up watching him. His happiness fascinated her and she envied his freedom. When they discovered that he lived across the street from her, he immediately suggested that they walk home together after school every day.

“I’m a man, after all,” he would say, “And as a man, I have to protect girls!”

Mikasa wouldn’t agree with his reasoning but she didn’t reject his company after school. In fact, she found that she enjoyed his presence. Being somehow a part of his happy world felt like a dream.

But she’d still return to a nightmare.

Her father had pulled himself enough out of the depression of losing his wife to indulge more in alcohol. When his cheeks were red and his eyes no longer could focus on either of the sisters, he’d start raging. He’d scream and lash out – uncaring whether he hit furniture or his own daughters. He lamented their lack of money and he’d blame it on Tsubaki’s laziness. Once, she’d suggested that he work too, in order to better their situation. He’d gotten worse after that. And he’d started aiming whenever he lashed out. Tsubaki tried to shield Mikasa from most of it, but Mikasa would rather be hit than see the pain in her sister’s eyes as she curled herself protectively over her. 

Sometimes, when Tsubaki would sense their father being in a fouler mood than usual, she’d tell Mikasa to hide in the cupboard and that she’d come find her. Mikasa would wait, arms wrapped tightly around her body, until the sound of flesh being beaten stopped and her sister would open the cupboard door and say, “Found you!” with a tired smile.

Sometimes, before Mikasa could hide, her father would begin his attack on her sister and scream at her to stay where she was and that she’d get her turn later. Tsubaki would try to tire him out so that he’d lose interest in the beating before getting to Mikasa. But if she was too weak, he would sometimes turn his attention to the seven-year-old. 

Mikasa became even quieter at school and Eren noticed. But Eren seemed to know Mikasa’s secret technique, and would simply grip her fingers in his own hand, and wouldn’t say anything. He would simply be there. She didn’t need to ask him. He just knew. 

On the tenth of February, Mikasa had her eighth birthday. Tsubaki had asked to move her shift at work and they spent the afternoon baking a cake together. Mikasa ate it heartily and when some of the icing was smeared on her chin, Tsubaki laughed and smeared more over her face. Mikasa responded by taking a handful and putting it in Tsubaki’s hair. Squealing and giggling, the two girls marked one another with chocolate icing. Mikasa smiled broadly for the first time in two years. 

Then their father came home.

He’d sworn and shouted and raged at the wastage of food and the mess in the kitchen. Tsubaki had gotten to her feet and begged their father to calm down. 

It’s Mikasa’s birthday. Please don’t do this. I’ll clean it all up, I promise.

But it was like he hadn’t even heard her.

And Mikasa could hear her sister’s bones break.

He abused her with a vengeance out of hell. Kicking and hitting until she was on the floor.

And he didn’t stop.

He continued until Tsubaki stopped crying out in pain. He kicked her in the stomach so many times that she started vomiting up blood. 

Mikasa was on her knees, frozen, as she watched her father kill her sister.

“Mikasa…” Tsubaki said softly. 

So softly.

“Mikasa, run…” she said and a shudder ran through her as he kicked again.

Her eyes didn’t close after that.

Her life had left this world. And Mikasa.

So softly.

And Mikasa ran. She tried to get to the cupboard. The place her sister had promised would be safe. Like a rabbit, she dove into the hole, but the wolf followed after her. He dragged her out by the ankle and back to the kitchen. He started beating her next to her sister’s lifeless body as if to give her a peek at what was to be her future. 

She didn’t scream. She didn’t fight.

What was the point?

She was going to die surrounded by blood and chocolate icing. 

But then a child tackled her father’s legs and she noted listlessly that his hair was also the colour of chocolate. She could’ve laughed. The chocolate boy was also going to die here, surrounded by chocolate icing.

“Mikasa!”

She noticed him trying to get her attention while clawing at her father’s legs and dodging his attempts to grab him.

“Mikasa! You have to fight!”

Fight? 

Why should she fight?

What was there to fight for?

The only thing that mattered to her in this world was lying dead next to her.

Why should she fight?

There was nothing left to fight for.

Her father grabbed hold of the boy by his neck and lifted him.

It was Eren.

And something clicked.

“Mikasa! _Fight!_ ”

Fight.

Mikasa got to her feet and reached for the knife she and Tsubaki had used to cut the cake.

Fight.

She was wrong. There was something left for her to fight for.

She could fight to live. If she was dead, there was no way for her to remember Tsubaki.

She could fight for Eren.

_Fight!_

Mikasa sprang forward and stabbed her father in his back. And she did it again and again.

And again.

She did it so many times until he was lying on the floor like Tsubaki was.

Surrounded by chocolate icing and blood.

Eren then grasped her wrist and gently pried the bloodied knife out of her vice-like grip.

He dropped the knife to the floor and led her out the house.

She was numb inside. 

Despite it being February, she was cold. She said this out loud and Eren told her to wait. He went to fetch his father and she waited outside her house. She waited until Eren came back with a tall man that she instinctively shied away from. Eren gripped her hand and said it was okay. 

No one will hurt you ever again. 

She repeated in a daze that she felt cold inside and Eren took a bright scarf that he must’ve fetched while inside and draped it haphazardly around her.

“There. It’s warm isn’t it?”

The scarf was very warm. And so was Eren’s hand. He smiled gently at her and she realised that she wasn’t cold anymore.

Eren was warm.

Eren was her heat.

Slowly, tears began to run down her face and Eren did something he would never admit to the boys at school. He hugged her. He held her close to him until she stopped crying. Until she stopped shivering.

Until she was warm.


	8. Breathless Feeling

Eren wakes up to an unfamiliar sound – nothing.

No alarm clock. No Armin-snores. No Connie screaming about an axe murderer.

No, seriously that happened.

Eren blinks in confusion when he sees that the room is filled with sunlight.

_How late is it?_

He reaches under his pillow for his phone and sees that it’s close to noon – and that there’s a text message from Armin.

_“Switched off your alarm clock. Don’t you dare come to training. #Sorrynotsorry”_

“You fucking little-” Eren snarls, tempted to throw the phone at Armin’s bed. After muttering a few more choice descriptions of his blonde friend, he sighs and flops back down on his bed – only to gasp in pain.

“Aw, shit!” Eren groans. How the hell is he supposed to get stronger like this?

After sulking for a few more minutes, he decides to go in search of something edible. Something sugary. _Yeah_ , he thinks, moving with more enthusiasm now. Traveling through the silent corridors makes him feel slightly uneasy, after either being used to be walking this path way before sunrise or when everyone is awake and scrambling. Arriving at the dining hall, he expects to see the kitchen empty when he arrives but he’s greeted with the sight of a short blonde girl straining to reach a soup sachet on a high shelf.

“I got it,” he says and snatches it down quickly but winces. _This is really inconvenient._

“Thank you, Eren!” Christa says, beaming sunnily up at him, making him temporarily forget the pain. _Such a nice smile..._

“It’s not a problem,” Eren mumbles. He clears his throat, “So, um, soup? It’s like thirty degrees outside.”

“Oh!” Christa blushes and Eren feels his own blush forming. He doesn’t feel particularly attracted to her, but she’s just so damn pretty and _nice_ and Eren sometimes forgets how to act normal around her. “Well,” she continues, “Ymir just wasn’t feeling well so I thought that maybe soup would help…”

 _Soup?_ Eren thinks dazedly. “Oh! Well, um, maybe that’s not such a good idea-”

Christa’s eyes suddenly go wide, “Oh, no! Do you think it would make it worse? What else can I do?”

She has stepped up really close to Eren, blue eyes wide and pleading and Eren feels uncomfortably warm in his cheeks, “U-um, no! I’m sure it will be fine! Oh, no Christa don’t _cry_ please.”

“Do you need to get beaten by me too, Eren?” comes Ymir’s voice from the doorway and Eren turns his head in fear but is still unable to get Christa untangled from his shirt.

Christa steps away and lifts her head, blue eyes piercingly examining Eren’s face, “You were beaten, Eren? Oh, no! What happened? Oh no, wait, you don’t need to tell me, I’m just glad you’re okay. I’m so glad you’re okay!”

Eren returns to being unable to form coherent sentences and his blush deepens further. Ymir comes forward and throws an arm around Christa’s shoulders. The gesture is clear: _mine_. Eren could snort. Like everyone in Trost doesn’t know that. Everyone is well aware of Ymir’s interest – well, except Christa.

Eren scratches his head, trying not to grimace too much, “Just got into a little fight yesterday with Jean. No big deal.”

Christa looks relieved but Ymir shakes her head and tuts, “Eren, Eren, Eren… I heard you challenged Jean and he broke one of your ribs. You then knocked him out by accident before getting sent to the hospital. Seems like a little more than a big deal.”

Christa gasps, hands flying to her mouth, and Ymir continues as she looks at Christa from the corner of her eye, “Oh, yeah, apparently it was brutal. Blood everywhere and you were crying and begging for Jean to stop. Quite pathetic really. I mean, jeez Eren, I knew you were bad at fighting but even that is really sad.”

“Oh, Eren,” Christa murmurs, looking like she might cry, “Why would you try and fight Jean? Why didn’t you just run away so you wouldn’t get hurt?”

And Eren snaps, “You know what? I did it because I’m sick and tired of everyone thinking I’m weak and that all I’m good for is running away. I hate how everyone keeps looking at me with pity in their eyes, treating me just like a child. Just like you are right now.”

The two girls are both silent; Christa’s eyes brimming with tears and Ymir looking like she might disembowel him.

“I’m gonna go,” he mutters, appetite lost. He turns and heads for the door, cheeks feeling warm with a little shame for snapping and taking it out on them. He can faintly hear Ymir speaking softly to Christa as he exits the kitchen. 

Eren feels sick. _This_ is why he wants to get stronger. Well, partly. He’s just so sick of people having that look in their eyes when speaking to him. As if they’re humouring a child with unrealistic dreams. Normally when he feels this way, he just jumps out the nearest window and climbs to the roof. He stops in the hallway and looks out the nearest window longingly.

_Stairs it is._

And once Eren has climbed all the way to the top of the building, he has never been more convinced that all stairs should be destroyed. He waits to catch his breath – and _fuck_ it hurts to breathe. He isn’t used to coming through the door; normally he would clamber to the top along the outside wall. He opens the door, surprised at how heavy it is, with a shove with his shoulder – and he bumps into someone. He and the person fall to the floor and Eren winds up sprawled on top of them. He inhales sharply at the pain, shutting his eyes tightly.

“You know, I’m starting to notice a trend here with you always jumping me,” comes a muffled voice from under Eren. He grunts and tries to lift himself but his chest muscles spasm and he ends up falling back down with a yelp.

“Oi, kid, don’t push yourself,” says Levi and gently but firmly lifts Eren away from him, setting him down carefully on the floor next to him. Eren wheezes and frantically claws at his chest. He can’t breathe. What the hell?

“Hey kid, look at me, _look at me_ , calm down, okay? You’re not dying. Everything’s alright, see? You just need to take slow, deep breaths, okay? Just in… and out. In… and out. There we go, kid, just like that.”

Eren looks at the Captain and is surprised to see his expression a little worried. He can’t seem to tear his gaze away from Levi. He finds himself hypnotised by his grey eyes and he obediently follows his instructions, gradually feeling the tightness in his chest relaxing. 

“God, kid, are you suicidal or something? Why does it always seem like you’re about to die?”

“…name,” Eren says weakly after a few more controlled breaths.

Levi leans forward and his black hair falls onto his forehead. “Eh? What’s that, brat?”

Eren breathes in deeply and tries again, “It’s… my name. Suicidal Squirrel… or Suicidal Bastard… depends.”

Levi stares at him for a moment before snorting, “And aren’t you so proud of that?”

Eren laughs softly and winces again, “Sorry about… falling on you again… sir.”

Levi sighs, rubbing the back of his neck, “Whatever, kid, it’s not a big deal, I wasn’t paying attention anyway. And you can drop the ‘sir’, brat. Makes me feel old.”

Eren slowly manages to pull himself up so that he and Levi are both sitting facing each other. “How old are you anyway?” he asks, forcing himself not to tag a sir on the end.

Levi doesn’t respond and Eren wonders for a panicked moment if he’s overstepped a boundary. Levi is a Captain after all, and Eren is merely a trainee. They’re light-years apart in terms of rank.

“Twenty-three last month,” he murmurs, not meeting Eren’s eyes. Eren watches how Levi’s usual demeanour of cocky (albeit mostly silent) Captain slightly slips, revealing a normal man who’s experienced pain just like everyone else. Levi coughs, looking slightly uncomfortable under Eren’s scrutiny, “And what about you, kid?”

“Eighteen in March,” Eren says, “Then you can’t call me a kid anymore, Captain.”

Levi snorts, lips turning upwards slightly, “That’s two months away, kid. And you’ll still be a brat. And what did I say, Eren, about the Captain thing?”

“Sorry,” Eren says with a sweet smile that rapidly turns cheeky, “…sir.”

Levi looks at him sharply before snorting again, “Tch, shitty brat.”

It’s silent between them again and Eren looks up at the clear sky. A slight wind is blowing but it is still promising to become stiflingly hot – not that Eren minds.

“Wish it would fucking snow,” Levi says suddenly, looking at the clear sky too.

Eren laughs, “It’s practically the middle of summer! Why would you wish for snow?”

Levi glowers, holding the collar of his shirt and trying to cool himself by creating a draft. Eren tries not to get distracted by the sight of his collarbones. “I hate it when it’s this fucking hot. It’s fucking irritating.”

Eren tilts his head to the side. “I can’t imagine anything better than the heat,” he says softly. Confused, as usual, that not everyone shares his outlook.

Levi meets Eren’s eyes and says very seriously, “I can think of quite a few things.”

And Eren, like an idiot, starts blushing. He didn’t mean it like _that_ did he? He couldn’t’ve. He’s a Captain, surely there are things preventing him from-

 _Eren, you’re overthinking things_ , he tells himself firmly, _It was a joke and you’re taking it to mean something completely different._

Levi makes a slight sound at the back of his throat, “Jeez, kid. You sure do blush really easily, makes me think you’re gonna burst a blood vessel.”

Eren looks away self-consciously, hiding his mouth behind his hand, “Shut up.”

“Oho,” Levi says, a smirk rapidly growing on his face, “Where’s that cute respectful kid from a few minutes ago now? The one who says ‘sir’ and ‘Captain’ and ‘please’ and ‘thank you’?”

“The kid in front of you now is gonna shove his fist up your nose,” Eren retorts but Levi just laughs.

Wait, did Levi call him _cute_?

Levi stops laughing to say, “It’s kind of sweet, and a little sad, and that you think you could hurt me, kid. I’m way above your league.”

“Yeah, everyone keeps saying that,” Eren mutters, suddenly remembering the reason he’d come to seek solace in his usual view of the city from the rooftop. He feels a sinking feeling in his stomach. Levi thinks he’s weak just like everyone else.

“Oi, kid, what’s wrong with you?” Levi asks, brow furrowing slightly as he studies Eren’s change in mood and expression.

“Nothing,” Eren sighs and hauls himself to his feet. He walks to the edge of the building and seats himself in his usual spot with his legs dangling. He leans forward with his elbows rested on his knees as he gazes downward at the grass three storeys below. He wonders how much it would hurt to fall from this distance. He’s never put much thought into it before, but he finds himself thinking more carefully about it now that he’s incapable of climbing.

In the midst of his pondering, Levi has come to stand next to him on the edge. His heels remain firmly on the building but the balls of his feet are over the edge. Suddenly, his legs fall out from beneath him and over the edge. He lands with his arms holding onto the edge of the building and his lowers himself into a sitting position. He glances over and sees Eren still regarding him calmly.

“Tch,” he says, looking displeased, “Normal people give a reaction.”

Eren shrugs and then regrets the movement with a wince, “I’ve done the same trick before. Sometimes I even drop. That gets the best reaction.”

“Is that right?” Levi says, looking faintly impressed and Eren tries to smother the feeling of pride that just that look gives him. Eren turns back to his study of the ground with a small sigh. Of course Levi would be surprised that Eren could do anything marginally impressive. “What’s eating you, kid?” Levi asks, now also studying the ground. Eren wonders if Levi’s unused to being at any great height, but doesn’t say it out loud for fear of Levi actually pushing him off.

Eren is tempted not to say anything. Levi’s probably not going to understand. He glances at the older man’s expression and sees that Levi isn’t just asking out of politeness. _I don’t think ‘polite’ is part of his vocabulary_ , Eren thinks wryly. His expression looks so worn with experience and suddenly so very old that Eren can hardly believe he’s only twenty three. Eren wonders what could have made Levi have to grow up and toughen up so quickly.

Levi waits surprisingly patiently for Eren, staring thoughtfully at the ground below as if he’d understand whether he received an answer or not. Something in his expression has the words coming out of Eren’s mouth of their own volition, “Everyone just keeps treating me like I can’t do anything. Whenever I try to better myself or get stronger, people look at me with this look in their eyes that says that they think it’s cute that I’m trying, since nothing will ever come of it. The only thing I’m good at is climbing and people even treat that as some child’s game. They make jokes that all I do is run away but I’m trying really hard to be strong enough to stand my ground, yet no one sees that. All they see is a Suicidal Squirrel who’s only good for scaling a building or making someone laugh or… or bleeding out on the floor of the Training Room. I’m so tired of being weaker than everyone else. I’m so tired of everyone just tolerating me.”

Eren has brought up one of his knees and rested his arms on it. He buries his face in humiliation. Levi probably thinks even less of him now. The Captain is silent for so long that Eren thinks telling him was a mistake. He lifts his head to tell him that it’s okay, don’t worry about it, I’m just rambling, ignore me, but he’s shocked when he suddenly feels a smack on the back of his head.

“Ow!” he cries, rubbing the spot resentfully and glaring at Levi, “What the hell was that for?”

Levi grips him by his hair and none too gently yanks him forward until their noses are nearly touching, “Now you listen here, you little shit. No one has lower tolerance level than I do and I’ve been handling you just fine. If you have the drive and the resolve and the pure desire to get stronger then you’re already proving yourself to be strong. If you have the determination then you will get the results, understand? Fuck, I’ve already said that I’m gonna train you. If you don’t have the faith in yourself, then at least have faith in me, got it? ‘Cause I have faith in _you_ , shitty brat. And I’m going to keep calling you brat because that’s what you are, _brat_. And if you want me to stop, then prove me wrong. If you want any of those motherfuckers to stop, then prove them wrong. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, besides this fucking godforsaken season of summer, it’s someone who’s weak but has no desire to change it. Now that I’ve proved that I don’t particularly loath your existence, accept that there are people who like you for who you are – and that includes when you’re a little shit.”

Apparently satisfied with his little pep talk, Levi pushes Eren away. Eren sits stunned for a few moments before he feels a small smile form. Levi is looking out over the city and Eren thinks he can see a faint colouring across his pale cheeks. No, Levi isn’t very eloquent, but what he says is straightforward and sincere which Eren appreciates. Eren also appreciates that Levi inadvertently admitted that he likes Eren – or at least doesn’t hate him.

“What’re you smiling about, brat,” Levi huffs.

Eren smiles wider, “Nothing. Just… thank you, si- I mean, Levi.”

Levi huffs again, “Don’t mention it.”

The two are silent again and Eren looks out over the city as well, admiring how different it looks in the daylight. He only ever has time to come up after training which was usually at sunset. Training… “Hey, Levi,” Eren asks suddenly, facing him, “What are you doing up here, anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be helping the other instructors?”

“Yes, yes I am,” Levi says, not looking particularly bothered, “I got bored so I left.”

Eren laughs, picturing a Levi just randomly leaving saying something like ‘Fuck all you people, I’m bored’.

“Oi, brat,” Levi says, tugging Eren’s ear, “What the fuck you giggling about?”

“Nothing,” he gasps out.

“Fucking brat, I need to put you down to size.”

“Your size?”

“I take back what I said about training you. You’re not going to live long enough.”

~~~~~

Armin closes the door leading out to the roof carefully, not wanting to alert the two of them to his presence. He hears Eren laughing before the door shuts and muffles the sound. He stands there for longer than he’d like to admit. During water break, he’d asked special permission from Shadis to come check on Eren. When he saw that Eren wasn’t in their room, he immediately thought to come to the roof – an instinct prompted by countless times before. He expected to see Eren sulking alone and that he’d be the one to console him, just like he has throughout the years. 

What he did not expect to see is Eren smiling broader and laughing louder than he has in a while.

 _It’s fine_ , Armin thinks, hand still clenched around the door handle, _All that matters is that Eren’s happy._

_Right?_

Armin’s knuckles go white.

_That’s what friends are for… isn’t it?_


	9. Red Boxers

Armin feels like his stomach has been tied into a tight knot. 

_Some friend I turned out to be._

_I should only care about what makes him happy._

But Armin can only think of how _un_ happy it makes _him_ feel. He remembers how wide Eren smiled and he feels like something’s lodged in his throat. 

_He’s never smiled like that with me_ , he thinks bitterly, and then feels angry with himself for even thinking it.

He reaches the bottom of the stairs.

Armin and Eren have always been there for one another. They were closer than brothers. It’s what lead Armin to believe… He clenches his fist again. But that look in Eren’s eyes said it all. Armin doesn’t think Eren is completely aware of it yet, but he definitely feels… _something_ for Captain Levi. Something more than the simple hero-worship he’s been harbouring for all these years. 

Since the fire seven years ago, Eren often talked about the ‘cool guy’ who was going to be a firefighter and save lives and how cool does that sound? When Eren finally said that he was going to train to be one himself, Armin and Mikasa hadn’t been surprised. Eren then stopped gushing uncontrollably about the Captain over the years and Armin was secretly relieved. But Eren still retained a certain sparkle in his eyes when the subject was brought up. He didn’t know that his mystery ‘cool guy’ was the Captain Levi Ackerman; he just fervently hoped he’d meet him someday. Armin passed off Eren’s obsessive behaviour as hero-worship. He thought it was nice that Eren had something that motivated him so much. 

But Armin noticed the change in Eren once he learned his hero’s name – he just chose to ignore it. He ignored how Eren’s eyes burned brighter than ever. He ignored how much more obsessed with getting stronger Eren had become the week thereafter, thinking only that Eren was amazing for working so hard. He ignored how Eren suddenly was able to fight Jean again after looking at Levi despite Armin also desperately urging Eren to keep fighting. He even ignored his own pang of jealousy when Levi was the one to help Eren up after the fight.

When Eren came back to training after the infirmary, Armin waited for Eren to confide in him. He waited for Eren to notice that he was there, just like always. He waited for Eren to talk to him, to open up to him, to trust him. But when Eren didn’t, he ignored his feelings of disappointment and tried to be a friend. He told Eren to think about Mikasa, but a small selfish part of him was telling Eren to think about him. That selfish part of him turned out to be bigger when he went looking for Eren to console him. What kind of friend wants their friend to be unhappy just so he’ll rely on him?

_But I don’t want to be **just** his friend, _Armin thinks as he sets off down the corridor and back to training.__

He thought that maybe, just _maybe_ , one day Eren would reciprocate Armin’s feelings. He thought that Eren’s jokes and playfulness hinted at a hidden interest. He hoped that Eren would suddenly realise that while he ranted about everyone treating him as weak, Armin was his biggest supporter. _**Is** his biggest supporter_ , Armin reminds himself forcefully. He has held on to that hope for so long that he’d started to believe in it. And the crushing realisation hurt more than Armin could believe.

He can’t even be angry at Levi for stealing Eren away because Eren never belonged to Armin. Eren has always been Levi’s. Ever since that fire. And Armin thinks that maybe Levi has always belonged to Eren. In that TV interview, Levi had spoken with such admiration for a kid five years his junior that Armin doesn’t doubt that Levi will feel the same way when Eren finally realises his feelings. Even this morning, when Levi walked into training, he looked around at all the trainees, hung around for a bit and then left on the grounds that he was bored, while Armin suspected he just lost interest because Eren wasn’t there. Levi has a perpetual look of boredom on his face – except when he looks at Eren. Levi looks at Eren like he’s _his_ hero, and not the other way around. His face seems to soften when he looks at Eren. Even Armin notices that Eren is something special to Levi and he’s only been studying him since yesterday. Well, since the interview, if that counts. Levi’s look of quiet horror during the fight almost seemed to match Mikasa’s screaming in desperation. Levi had seemed to feel every blow Eren received.

 _But so did **I**_ , Armin thinks wretchedly. He also felt Eren’s pain as if it were his own. He had cried out for Eren to keep fighting nearly louder than even Mikasa but it’s like Levi’s silence had screamed louder than anyone.

And it _hurts_.

Why does Levi have to feel the same way about Eren that Armin does? Why can’t he reject him and leave Armin to pick up the pieces? Why can’t Eren suddenly realise that Levi isn’t the one for him? Why can’t he just love Armin? 

_Why am I not good enough for you?_

Armin slams his back against the wall and slides down until he’s on the floor. He claws at his chest desperately as he struggles to regulate his breathing.

_Why does it have to hurt this much?_

Armin eventually tears open the top button of his shirt and his nails rake down his chest. The physical pain somehow makes him feel calmer. He does it again and again until he’s breathing normally. 

He won’t cry. 

What is there to cry about?

 _Eren doesn’t love me,_ Armin thinks, _that’s it._

_Now get over it._

He struggles to his feet and fixes his button.

_I’m fine._

He walks back to training with a new resolve in his step. Armin isn’t weak either. 

_I can be strong too._

No one notices him when he re-enters, which stings more than he’d like to admit. Is he that much of a nobody if he’s not next to Eren? _Is ‘Eren’ my whole personality?_ Armin asks himself, thinking that maybe being a part of a trio hasn’t helped him as much as he hoped.

He’d always found safety in being with Eren and Mikasa ever since the first time they’d stopped some kids from bullying him. As usual, some kids were picking on Armin because he liked to read and wasn’t particularly strong. They pushed and jeered at him, cornering him one recess. Armin was used to these kinds of beatings. They happened daily and he resigned himself to the activity. He couldn’t do anything about it, so might as well accept it. It hurt more when you fought back. Then, Eren and Mikasa were there. Eren had been a terrible fighter even then but Mikasa managed to protect him in such a way that he didn’t notice. The siblings chased away the bullies easily. Armin (as well as everyone else at Shinganshina Primary School) had heard the gossip about them. Apparently the Mikasa girl had killed her family and the Jaeger’s had taken her in as their daughter after Eren helped her do it. None of the other kids wanted to be friends with them so they either were ignored religiously or unquestionably avoided. Eren had leaned down with an arm outstretched and Armin flinched back in fear that they were here to finish him off. Eren widened his eyes and then offered a toothy smile.

“It’s okay, I’m not gonna hurt ya,” he said and Armin found himself trusting him. He reached out to take his hand and Eren whipped him up with a happy sound. “I’m Eren, by the way, what’s your name?”

Armin mumbled his name, looking down and hoping his hair hid his face. Mikasa then stepped forward and asked in a very calm voice, “Armin, are you hurt anywhere?”

Armin quailed under her piercing stare but shook his head, surreptitiously tugging his sleeve down to hold in his palm. Mikasa noticed the sneaky movement and gently grips his arm. She tugged his sleeve up, revealing a scrape he must have gotten when he fell down. She reached into the pocket of her long skirt and took out a little plaster, handing it to Eren. Eren took it and quickly placed it over the scrape. 

“There, all better.”

Eren and Mikasa then each took one of Armin’s hands. That was the start of their friendship. Armin was no longer bullied. The rumours then stretched to encompass him but Armin didn’t care; he had the two best friends in the world.

And he was happy.

What else could he have wanted?

Armin shakes his head and heads over to one of the punching bags.

When his was thirteen, he discovered that he had developed a crush on Eren. He didn’t say anything of course, since he was perfectly content to just be by Eren’s side anyway.

Armin straps on some gloves and takes up his position in front of the bag. He begins punching; harder and faster until he’s panting but he continues.

Eren had never pursued anyone romantically. It gave Armin hope.

A false hope.

His punches sound deafening to his ears.

All these years Armin has waited. 

And for what?

For Eren to find someone else who interested him more?

For Eren to never even consider Armin as a choice?

For nothing.

Armin’s muscles are screaming at him, but he can’t stop. He just keeps hitting harder and faster.

_I have waited all this time for my heart to be broken. And Eren doesn’t even know he did it._

_And you know what?_

_Fuck you, Eren._

_Fuck you for not knowing._

_Fuck you for thinking I’m just your friend._

_Fuck you for not loving me the same way I love you._

And while Armin can curse Eren all he wants, he knows he can never hate Eren. 

_Why do I have to want something that can never be mine?_

_Why does it have to hurt so much?_

“Armin! _Armin!_ Hey, bro, just calm down!”

“What?” Armin says bewilderedly, pausing in his onslaught, panting and feeling sweat drip in rivulets down his forehead.

It’s Reiner. He’s spreading his hands in a placating manner and approaching Armin very slowly. Carefully. “Dude, you’ve got to calm down, okay?”

Armin is confused. To everyone else, he should just be training. He glances around and sees a lot of people paused in their exercises, staring at him outright. Behind him, the punching bag is dented where Armin had repeatedly attacked it and the chain hanging it up seems to be creaking precariously, although that could be his imagination. He’s still panting heavily.

“I am calm,” he mutters, unstrapping the gloves from his hands. His knuckles are red and seem like they bruised – even through the gloves.

“Sure, you are, buddy,” Reiner says, taking the gloves. “Let’s go get some water, okay?”

_Please stop treating me like a child._

“I’m not feeling well, I’m gonna go to the infirmary,” Armin says, turning away from Reiner. He asks Shadis for permission to leave again and surprisingly receives it.

_Please stop being surprised when I’m being my own person._

Armin’s head is spinning.

_Where do I go from here?_

He stops in the corridor. Where can he go that is safe? He can’t go to the bedroom. Where can he go that is not saturated with Eren? Armin’s whole life is practically built on Eren. His whole personality.

_Who am I without him?_

Armin had so willingly followed Eren to be a firefighter when his grandfather died. He’d given up his education. And for what? Why did he do it? Because even then, a part of him recognised that without Eren, he was lost. He was nothing. He’s just some smart kid that can’t even protect himself.

Armin lets out a laugh that sounds suspiciously like a sob.

_I’m pathetic._

_No wonder Eren doesn’t love me._

“Armin?”

Armin turns and sees Jean walking along the corridor from the infirmary. He has a bandage on his head. Jean notices his gaze, “Oh, yeah, well, Jaeger got me pretty good.” He laughs awkwardly but Armin doesn’t answer. Jean’s laughter trails off uncomfortably. He coughs, looking down at his feet. “I guess you hate me too, huh? I tried to talk to Mikasa this morning but she wouldn’t even look at me.”

Armin analyses Jean silently. He wants to hate Jean for being so cruel to Eren. He felt something akin to hatred yesterday but today he feels nothing. Empty. Numb. Cold. 

“No,” Armin whispers softly, and Jean’s head snaps up in surprise, “I don’t hate you. I probably should but… I don’t.”

Jean’s eyes study Armin’s face so closely that Armin feels like he should take a step back. But he can’t bring up the energy to care.

“Hey,” Jean says and Armin notes that he doesn’t think he’s ever heard Jean speak so softly or so gently before. He points a thumb down the corridor leading to the dorm rooms. “Do you… do you want to talk about it?”

Does he want to talk about it? Probably not. It hurts enough to just think about it.

Armin shrugs and begins walking down the path Jean indicated.

No, he doesn’t want to talk about it.

Jean walks alongside him silently.

But it’s nice to know someone cares enough to listen.

~~~~~

Hours later, Eren realises that despite Levi’s resting bitch face, he can talk quite a lot. Or at least, he can hold a conversation well enough. Eren also finds that it is actually very comfortable between them even in silence.

They don’t talk about the incident though.

Eren can’t remember exactly the things they even discussed - for the sheer multitude of topics they touched on. They even exchanged stories of being firefighters (or training to be one in Eren’s case). But there was a conscious effort to avoid any serious topics. They both seemed to want at least a little time where things didn’t have to be sombre.

“I don’t miss living here,” Levi is saying now, “Everyone was a bunch of idiots. Not that the Survey Corps is much better.”

“It can’t be that bad,” Eren says with a laugh, leaning back on his hands and tipping his head back to watch some clouds drift lazily across the sky. He enjoys the feeling of the late afternoon sun warming his skin and he’s glad that he doesn’t burn easily. He slowly lowers himself down until his back is flat and his legs dangle over the edge. Carefully, he stretches his arms up past his head and arches his back. He makes a noise that sounds suspiciously like a baby pterodactyl – or maybe a cat with laryngitis - and then opens one eye to gauge Levi’s reaction from the less than civilised sound.

What he does not expect to see is Levi wearing a wide eyed expression with what Eren would swear is a blush. He quickly turns away when he sees Eren looking and Eren props himself up on his elbows.

“What is it?” he asks, with a mixture of amusement and curiosity.

“Nothing,” Levi says quickly, pointedly not looking back. “Just pull up your pants, brat. Don’t you own a belt?”

Eren glances down and sees that his shirt has ridden partway up his abdomen and that his pants have fallen below his hip bones, exposing the elastic of his bright red boxers.

“Oops.”

Not wanting to sit up, Eren wiggles around awkwardly on his back trying to pull them up. Bum left, bum right, try to lift. If anything it feels like they’ve fallen further.

“What the fuck are you doing, brat?”

Eren starts laughing because he can imagine how ridiculous he looks wriggling around. The bruised muscle over his rib then twinges and he yelps in pain but he continues to laugh, making the pain worse.

“God, you’re fucking insane,” Levi says with Eren still giggling like an idiot and occasionally punctuating his laughter with an ‘Ow’.

Levi then leans over him and Eren can feel the chuckle die out on his lips as his eyes widen in surprise. Levi comes even closer and puts his hands on either side of Eren’s hips. Is it weird that Eren has a little trouble breathing? What is the Captain doing? Is… is Eren enjoying this? Shouldn’t he be? Eren feels his thought process rapidly dissolving into an incoherent muddle.

Levi’s face is so near to his that Eren can see that Levi’s grey eyes have flecks of silver and darker grey in them. Should he be uncomfortable right now? Should his heart be beating this fast? What is Levi _doing?_

Levi stops just shy of Eren’s face and his black hair falls to tickle Eren’s forehead. Levi isn’t blushing anymore now. He looks very serious and Eren swallows involuntarily. Is the Captain going to…? Would he? Would Eren mind?

Levi then trails both hands up Eren’s sides, lightly tracing over his hipbones, before hooking his fingers in Eren’s belt loops. 

_Oh my god._

_Is he…?_

_Is my face as red as it feels?_

The Captain leans back ever so slightly, smirking, and very suddenly _yanks_ Eren’s pants up.

“OW! Jesus, Levi!” Eren yells.

“There. No more problem. And you can fucking _sit still_ and stop squirming around.”

Levi’s looks away again so Eren can’t see his expression but he’s glad for that. What on earth does his own face look like? He laughs again in a hopefully non-awkward way, trying to cover up how he can still feel the ghost of Levi’s fingertips against his hip bones and practically hear the steam rising from his face.

Eren feels a little confused. What exactly does he feel for Captain Levi? 

He respects him; admires him; and actually kind of likes him but is that it?

He remembers what Mina said yesterday.

_“Is there anyone you like, Eren?”_

_“No, Eren, I mean someone you **like**.” _

Does he… _like_ Levi?

He hasn’t really _liked_ anyone before. During their school years, while kids his age had started forming an interest in the opposite sex – or even the same sex occasionally – he, Armin, and Mikasa had been ignorant to this change. They never felt the need to interact with the other kids and were perfectly content in their trio. This _liking_ business is foreign territory. It would be wrong for Eren to like Levi that way… wouldn’t it? Levi is a Captain; he far outranks Eren. Levi is five years older. Levi is a _man_.

But… does that matter?

“Oi, shitty brat, don’t fall asleep here.”

“Oh, right!” Eren says and sits up.

They look out over the city. They’ve been up here for hours but Eren feels like no time has passed at all.

“The sun’s setting,” Levi murmurs so softly that Eren wonders if he’s talking to himself. Levi’s expression seems really tender – almost fragile. His eyes meet Eren’s and he looks so sad again that Eren is overcome with the impulse to hug him. Levi looks back to the horizon while Eren wrestles to control the urge.

“This is my favourite time of the day,” he admits a little awkwardly, glancing at Eren from the corner of his eye. Eren realises that Levi is wondering how much he can share with Eren – or even if he should.

“How come?” Eren asks encouragingly, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, and giving Levi his full attention. A look of surprise and, Eren thinks, a little relief passes over his face.

“Well, for one, it’s the time when the fucking heat of the day starts to disappear,” he says and Eren chuckles. “And another… some friends and I used to always watch the sunset together. Always somewhere up high. We’d laugh and joke as the sun used to go down and generally just celebrate that we’d made it through another day. Eventually, it became a daily ritual, even when we got into the Trainee Division. Isabel would try to steal the alcohol that Farlan and I had smuggled in and we’d always pretend she couldn’t have any. I used to let her have a little sip behind Farlan’s back though, and I strongly suspect that he did the same. It just didn’t matter where we were. As long as we were together and had a sunset.”

Levi’s then silent and he glances back to Eren self-consciously. Eren is leaning in really close to Levi, captivated by the story, smiling. “That sounds nice,” he says wistfully, “It sounds like you three were close. Where are Isabel and Farlan? Are they-”

“That’s another story for another day, brat,” Levi interrupts, pushing Eren back with a good-natured ruffle of his hair. Eren decides not to pry further, a little happy – and surprised – that Levi actually opened up to him in the first place. Eren hums softly in response and Levi says, “Hey, kid, don’t you want to go down to dinner? Training should be over by now, you could go see your friends..?”

Eren wonders why Levi still sounds a little uncertain and then realises that maybe Levi is trying to give him some room to escape. “Nah,” he says with a toothy smile, “I like it up here. Besides, we haven’t finished watching the sunset, have we?”

Levi’s eyes widen a little and he looks back to the sun, “Oh, yes, right.”

Eren wonders if it’s the reflection of the sun that’s colouring Levi’s cheeks.

After some time, the sun has completely disappeared. Levi looks just about as peaceful as Eren feels. Suddenly, he has an idea. “Hey, Levi? Can we do this again?” he asks and Levi looks at him sharply, “We could make it a… daily ritual if you like?” he says, finishing off hesitantly, not quite sure what to make of his piercing stare.

A large display of emotions flicker across Levi’s face and Eren is uncertain of what to expect. Was he not supposed to say that? Has he been imagining this sense of companionship? What if Levi doesn’t want to be in such close quarters again?

“Oh, well, you don’t have to,” he said hurriedly, “I mean, I’m sure you don’t want to hang out with me every day so don’t feel obligated to or anything-”

“I’d like that.”

Eren is a little shocked and sits with his mouth still gaping open. Levi coughs, looking away again, “Well, I mean, I wouldn’t totally hate it.”

A smile slowly begins to form on Eren’s face, “Okay. Good. Cool. So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Levi nods, “Sure. See you tomorrow… Eren.”

Eren grins broader and gets to his feet. He glances back over his shoulder before entering the building and sees Levi’s fiddling with something clenched in his hands. Eren can’t see what it is from here, but, he thinks as he closes the door behind him, maybe one day Levi will let him in a little more and trust him with a bit more of his past.

_Maybe I can trust him with mine too._


	10. Unwashed Dishes

The dim hallway is surreally ordinary compared to the bright afternoon spent with Levi. Eren can feel his content smile slowly fading from his face as he traipses down the gloomy stairwell.

Even with Levi’s offer to train him, will he be good enough in time for the Evaluation?

Eren shakes his head in an attempt to rid himself of the melancholy thoughts. This is Humanity’s Strongest we’re talking about. Feeling slightly better, he prances awkwardly down the remaining steps while simultaneously trying not to hurt himself even further.

By the time he reaches the dining hall, the rest of the trainees are already loudly digging in to their own plates of food. He scans the room, trying and failing to find Armin or Mikasa.

“Eren,” a voice softly calls out and Eren sees Mikasa sitting with Annie at one of the tables that are connected to the wall. He steps towards them and as he comes closer he notices how close together they are seated. He wouldn’t be surprised if they are holding hands under the table. The thought brings a smile to his face and he ruffles the hair on each their heads affectionately before sitting down. Mikasa smiles back softly, eyes looking tired, but Annie’s head snaps up abruptly like a startled wild animal. Her eyes are wide and she purses her lips, giving Eren a look that is equal parts incredulous and Eren-I-swear-to-god-I’m-going-to-fucking-kill-you-in-three-seconds. He is just about to yelp and try to get away but then Mikasa’s arm shifts under the table and Annie stops. She turns to look at Mikasa with an expression that is almost apologetic before continuing to eat, not paying any more attention to Eren.

Eren’s mouth is hanging open.

He’s alive.

Mikasa can… control it?

He’s about to say out loud that Mikasa really _did_ tame the beast but she seems to sense his train of thought and silences him with a meaningful look. Eren closes his mouth but then pushes his lips out and makes kissing motions in Annie’s direction, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Mikasa blushes beacon red and chokes on her food. She coughs and splutters and Annie looks up in surprise. She thumps Mikasa on her back until the latter waves her away.

It’s now Mikasa’s turn to glare at him and Eren bites his lip. He may have survived Annie through sheer dumb luck, but Mikasa too?

Nope 

Sorry 

Does not compute.

Do not pass GO.

Please leave a message after the beep and try again later.

“So!” Eren says loudly as Mikasa stands, just before she can launch herself at him, “Where’s Armin?”

Mikasa seats herself again and stares at the table top thoughtfully. “I don’t know,” she says. “He left training shortly after water break. I haven’t seen him since.”

Eren mulls this over. It’s strange that Armin misses training; even more so than Eren missing it. He hums thoughtfully and stands up to serve himself dinner. He manages to get a decent portion before Sasha descends on the table for thirds. Or sevenths. One can never be too sure.

Just as he’s about to seat himself again, he spots a familiar blond head entering the hall.

“Hey! Armin!” Eren calls, waving to him.

The blond head turns towards him and Eren see that it is accompanied by an equally familiar head that is dyed two tones.

What. 

Eren kind of just freezes with his arm raised.

Why would Armin be with Jean?

The two dish up their food together before Armin turns to face the table where Eren, Mikasa and Annie are seated. He says something to Jean and the latter moves off with a small nod and a glance in Eren’s direction. Eren drops his arm awkwardly to his side. Armin navigates between the tables before seating himself in the chair next to Eren’s. Eren is still standing as Armin begins eating. Mikasa is eating too, peering at Armin from under her lashes, while Annie continues to not give a shit.

“Eren,” Mikasa says softly, still looking at Armin, “Sit down and eat your food.”

Eren plonks down in his chair but he doesn’t touch his plate.

“What were you doing with Jean?”

It feels like Eren should have shouted it, but it comes out really quietly and calmly, something Eren is aware of being unusual for him.

Armin doesn’t even look up. “Why should it matter to you?” He eats another bite.

_Why should it matter to **me**?_

Not even why it should matter in general?

“I don’t… I don’t get it. What about yesterday?” Eren is confused. Armin never expressed any desire to be social with Jean even before yesterday’s incident. Why now, of all times?

Armin sighs and puts down his fork, finally looking up at Eren. He looks irritated and impatient. He’s never given anyone this look, much less Eren. At most, Eren would receive exasperation and a tired reproach that everyone knew wasn’t even serious. Armin rolls his eyes, “Of course. Of course you don’t get it. Why would you? Everything’s always been clear to you hasn’t it? God Eren, you think everything’s about you, don’t you? You’re not my only friend, you know. You’re not the only one that matters-”

“Armin,” Mikasa suddenly snaps, causing Armin and Eren to both look up at her in surprise. Annie glances at her from the corner of her eye and Eren notices her arm shifting under the table.

Armin snorts, lips curling and eyebrows furrowing into another expression that Eren hasn’t seen on his friend’s face before – one he can’t even name. Something like disgust. Anger. Bitterness.

Hatred?

“Of course you would protect him,” he spits venomously, looking away, “Poor Eren. Poor baby. Stop treating him like he’s the centre of everything. He’s starting to believe it himself.”

The table is quiet. It feels like the surrounding tables are quiet too but the sound could be just deafened by the blood rushing in Eren’s ears. Is this… is this how Armin truly feels? Eren’s eyes are wide, mouth hanging slightly open. He feels like the whole hall is staring at him. Mikasa is looking down, hair falling in front of her eyes. Annie is looking at Armin impassively, eyes dark and brows furrowed.

Armin clicks his tongue and scrapes his chair back. “I’m done.”

The table is still quiet when he leaves, Eren and Annie simply staring at the full plate he left behind and not paying any more attention to their own. Mikasa gets up quietly and collects the mostly full plates from around the table; then leaving to the kitchen, not once meeting Eren’s eyes.

_“I’m done”_

With what?

Is Armin done with… with Eren?

Eren pushes his chair back violently and prepares to go after him. He can’t be too far. Maybe he’s in the bedroom.

He didn’t mean it like that… Did he?

Eren steps forward but feels a yank on the back of his shirt. Annie is standing gripping his hem, leaning over the table. He wants to scream at her to let him go, so that he can fix this. He can get better. He’ll be less selfish. He’s sorry. He’ll start thinking less about himself and more about others. He can make it better. He can fix this. He can-

Annie stares at him and then jerks her head to the side. Eren’s eyes follow the indicated direction and he sees Mikasa’s retreating form disappear into the kitchen.

“Prove it,” she says flatly, challenging Eren with her eyes. “Prove he’s right, and go after him. Grovel and get his forgiveness. Make everything okay for you again. Prove him wrong, and care about someone else before yourself.”

Eren stares back at Annie for a few more moments before he smiles faintly, “Thank you. Annie.”

She sits back down and leans against the wall, “Whatever, dork.”

When Eren pushes the kitchen door open, he finds that Mikasa is already washing dishes. He closes the door behind him quietly even though he knows that she is probably already deaf to the world. He grabs a chair from the small dining table that he often uses for breakfast and straddles it backwards, resting his arms on the back of it and his chin on his folded hands. He sits silently, listening to the rhythmic washing, rinsing and stacking of dishes. Some of the other trainees enter and leave their dishes next to the sink, well aware that Mikasa was unusually fond of washing dishes but not knowing the reason. He sits as people enter and exit, laughing and talking, oblivious to the despondent introspection of the siblings, only glad that they are free of the chore of washing their own dishes.

Eren suspects that everyone has left the dining hall when the door hasn’t opened for a while. He considers saying something, trying to get Mikasa’s attention, but he then notices that Mikasa’s dirty dish pile is getting dangerously low. Eren gets to his feet and enters the dining hall again, then proceeds to collect the dishes that some people left at their respective tables. He notices that he was mostly right; the hall is almost empty. The only people left are the instructors still talking at their table. Eren sees Hanji talking animatedly to Pixis but Levi is absent. He re-enters the kitchen and places the dishes next to Mikasa. She doesn’t even glance up, still methodically scrubbing. Her hair is shielding most of her face from Eren but he sees that her lips are clenched and pale, jaw moving slightly. He sighs and leans against the counter top with his arms folded across his chest.

When Mikasa finally stacks the last dish, she reaches for the dishtowel Eren holds out for her, silently drying her hands. She then leans against the counter next to Eren, position mirroring his. She turns her head and leans until she is resting her forehead against his shoulder. Eren wraps his arm around her, pulling her into an embrace. She’s shaking, but he doesn’t say anything. Just holds her.

“Why is my family breaking apart?” she eventually asks, so quietly that Eren strains to hear. “Why is everything so different?”

“I don’t know,” Eren responds softly. “But it’s my fault. And I’m sorry, Mikasa.”

“No!” she says violently, suddenly whipping her head up from Eren’s shoulder and fixing him with a glare. Her eyes are red and moist. “It’s not your fault! You did nothing wrong! We can fix this together! It’s not you-”

Eren hugs her to him again. “It’s okay. You don’t need to protect me.”

Mikasa sniffs and Eren thinks he can feel her smile a little, “With all the shit you get yourself into, I _do_ need to protect you.”

“I am perfectly capable of running away from my own problems, thank you very much,” he says lightly, his breath ruffling the loose strands of Mikasa’s hair.

“You know,” Mikasa says after a moment, “You’re wrong about yourself.”

“I am?”

“You are. You’re not as weak as you seem to think you are. You have this determination that really is just…”

“Yeah well, I’m not going to put out many fires by sheer willpower.”

“I’m serious, Eren.”

“So am I.”

Mikasa sighs in exasperation, knowing that a stubborn Eren is not an easily convinced Eren. They stay together for a while, until Eren feels significantly less tension in Mikasa’s body; though he suspects that he has been gleaning as much comfort from her as she him.

“I’ll talk to Armin.”

“Really, Mikasa, I think I should-”

“No. Listen, Eren. Armin was right about one thing. You don’t get it. But I do. So I’m going to talk to him. Okay?”

Now Eren sighs, “Fine. Do what you want. You usually do anyway. Ow! You pinched me!”

“You deserved it.”

“I did not!”

“Did so.”

“We’re doing this? Seriously?”

“Seriously,” she confirms and pinches him again.

Eren yelps again. He lifts his head slightly and then brings it down harshly, head-butting her. Mikasa pulls away, holding her head.

“God, Eren!”

“Just Eren’s fine.”

At a stalemate, the siblings glare at each other. It doesn’t last for long though as Eren laughs and Mikasa gives a small smile.

Eren then tells Mikasa that he’s headed off to bed, and she bids him goodnight before heading to her own room. He wonders how she’ll get through to Armin, feeling an underlying mixture of confusion and guilt.

_We’re not done, Armin._

_This family is going to stick together._

~~~~~

Levi stays on the roof long after twilight has faded into night – after Eren left.

How could one little bratty kid bring up so many memories?

Levi unclenches his fist to look at the three rings nestled in his palm. Originally they had been simple steel bands – just symbols of them belonging to the Underground. Each member received one – as a sign of their loyalty. Whether that loyalty was forced or not didn’t matter. Underground members recognised one another with these rings – that was all that mattered.

Levi still remembers how an excitable Isabel – only twelve at the time – had woken Levi and Farlan holding out these rings.

“Isabel,” Farlan asked, mouth dropped and eyes wide, “What have you done?”

“I made them better!” she said enthusiastically, not picking up on Farlan’s panic. “Look! This one’s mine,” she held out the smallest band. There was a green sequin glued to the top and green little swirls painted along the side. “This one’s for Farlan,” she said, pointing to the band with a blue bead and blue stripes. “And this one,” she whispered, almost reverently, lightly touching the third band. “Is for Big Brother Levi.” There was a little clear plastic gem glued to the band and three white dots – _is that Tipp-ex?_ – drawn on either side.

Levi and Farlan were still silent. “Well?” Isabel said, “Put them on!”

Farlan kept glancing over at Levi’s impassive expression nervously. Levi slipped the ring onto his finger and studied it. Isabel was almost vibrating with excitement.

“Hmm,” Levi said finally, and Farlan visibly flinched, “Not bad.”

He ruffled Isabel’s hair and she beamed at him toothily.

Farlan began laughing, “Unbelievable.”

 _Unbelievable_.

Levi looks at the three rings now. Their paint – and Tipp-ex – has mostly fallen off now but the sequin, bead and gem still remain – probably because Isabel used industrial strength superglue. He shudders at the thought of how much she’d accidentally gotten in her hair.

_What’s unbelievable is that you weren’t the ones sharing the sunset with me._

Levi was shocked to say the least when Eren stayed with him.

_“…Besides, we haven’t finished watching the sunset, have we?”_

_“We could make it a… daily ritual if you like?”_

Levi huffs. _If I like?_

_Like I had a choice._

Being faced with those bright green eyes so hopefully waiting for an answer after seven years of thinking he’d never see them again; he couldn’t say no.

He couldn’t say no to Eren.

Levi may have not been sure of Eren’s identity when he was first tackled to the ground but seeing him during the fight sealed his certainty.

A kid blindly and bravely rushing into something that should have killed him.

A kid in pain still answering defiantly.

_“I’m not a brat.”_

Levi smiles to himself. _Yes, you are._

Who knew he actually would meet that kid seven years later? In a very similar situation no less. Levi thought that he’d only have the memory of the moment that a kid inspired him to do something with his life but yet…

He’d spent the entire afternoon with the kid. And he felt… happy.

Levi clenches his fist around the three rings again.

_What right do I have to be happy?_

Levi gets to his feet and exits the roof, glancing back once over his shoulder at the dark sky.

_None. Not if you can’t be here and happy too._

He walks past the dining hall, hearing Hanji’s loud cackle, but deciding that he doesn’t feel very hungry. The trainees fill some the hallways, talking, laughing and playing around – a ritual present even when Levi was in training. He acts on instinct and heads down another hallway which, for some reason, has never been a first choice for the socialisation practice. He walks briskly, aiming to quickly get to his room and shut himself away.

“-ren.”

_Hmm?_

Levi stops, it came from the door slightly behind him.

“-still protecting him?”

“Why are you still blaming him?”

“You know why, Mikasa. You know how I feel about him. I just… feel so stupid. I’ve loved the guy for years, _years_ , and he doesn’t even _know_ , much less reciprocate.”

“You can’t blame Eren for not knowing.”

“Just why not? Why can’t I be angry for no reason? Why can’t I throw a temper tantrum? Why can’t _I_ do something completely stupid and have my friends’ support. Why is Eren the only one that matters?”

 _I shouldn’t be listening to this,_ Levi thinks, but he can’t find himself able to move. The girl – Mikasa – is silent for a few seconds before she speaks again.

“Eren, isn’t the only one that matters, Armin. The three of us are a family _together_. We’ve always been _equal_. We’ve always been there for each other. Eren might be the one always getting in trouble but remember that he’s protected you. Always.”

“I don’t want to be the one that always has to be protected! And you’re wrong, I’ve never been equal to you. I’ve always been in the background, just a pale insignificant shadow of you two. No one even notices me if you two aren’t around. How can you say we’ve been in this _together_?”

“Armin-”

“No! Just _listen_ to me, Mikasa. I thought that maybe Eren would notice me, and my life would be better then, but I was _wrong_. I’m tired of having to depend on the both of you. Can’t you see? I’m not even my person. I need to… I need to…”

“ _Armin_ -”

“Just _stop_ , Mikasa. Just let me sulk, let me rant, just let me _hurt_. Because it _does_ hurt.”

Mikasa is silent. Levi finds that he has slid down the wall and is sitting next to the door.

Armin speaks again, softer, “Have you seen how Eren looks at him? Eren. Finally reunited with his great hero, the great Humanity’s Strongest. Captain Levi Ackerman. And the worst thing is-” Armin’s voice breaks, “and the worst thing is, that the Captain looks the same way at Eren.”

_I do?_

_No._

_This can’t happen._

Armin’s voice becomes fainter as Levi shoots to his feet and hurries to his room, almost running.

“How am I supposed to compete with that?”

_Take him._

_Please, take him._

_I’m no good for him._

_I’m no good for anyone._

Levi makes it to his room and crawls onto the bed. He hunches over, frantically tightening his grip on the rings.

 _I wasn’t any good for you two either_.


	11. Abandoned Children

Levi was one of the abandoned. Left alone at the age of five in a filthy alleyway, he simply awaited the inevitable end. The cruel, downfall of the sharpened edge of the blade that was death hanging suspended above his head.

 

But it never fell.

 

Instead the dirty, cold, starving, near-lifeless child was taken in by Kenny Ackerman, leader of the Underground. The Underground was lead ruthlessly, becoming one of the most feared organisations dealing in crime from Downtown Shinganshina to even the wealthy Sina. The gang was associated with so many illegal circles that they never had any shortage of income – or attention from the law, but the money fixed that quite easily. Any self-loving criminal wanted to be one of them. But only the best were accepted; Kenny would have nothing less.

 

Levi was no exception.

 

No one believed that Kenny took in a filthy kid out of sympathy and soon it was confirmed.

 

Kenny Ackerman had not acted out of charity, but rather to raise his very own Guard Dog. ‘Robot’ would have been more appropriate since the child never laughed or smiled and followed Kenny’s orders without question or hesitation. Though the Underground members put on brave faces, they were scared of him. A child. If he could even be called that anymore.

 

Levi’s primary job was intimidation, something that Kenny found unconditionally amusing. Using a thirteen year old boy to change someone’s expression from incredulity to pure, unadulterated fear; to change unwilling patron to eager benefactor; to change threat to ally.

 

But despite rumours of how many lives Levi had ended, the boy had never seen death.

 

When intimidation failed or when someone was to be disposed of, Levi would receive the same order.

 

“Levi, get out. This isn’t the place for a kid.”

 

It was the one order that Levi questioned, “Why? I can handle this, probably better than most of these other fuckers you keep around.”

 

“Levi, I said get out.”

 

“Is that an order?”

 

Kenny would never respond to this. And Levi would always get out.

 

Levi received obvious and blatant special treatment from the underground’s leader, though it was not something the other members protested – within earshot of course. But no matter the objection, it was never disputed that Levi earned it to some fair degree. He was considered as an asset beyond material value. He already surpassed all but Kenny in combat and possessed an extensive knowledge of the city’s darker inner workings - information gleaned from countless meetings and discussions Kenny kept him present for.

 

He was Kenny’s favourite pet.

 

Even though Levi received admiration and special treatment, he wasn’t happy. He didn’t know what it was to feel happy. He couldn’t remember how to feel anything other than a muted sensation of pride when Kenny praised him.

 

One day during sunset, he left the base unquestioned by any members still milling about outside. He just kept walking, not mindful of the people still scuttling about trying to finish whatever it was that normal people did during the day. He had nothing to fear of the night. He didn’t know fear.

 

He came to a local park and, urged by a faint sense of curiosity, he sat on one of the benches to observe the people. To him the people seemed so free, but also ignorant. They did not know the black cesspool of violence that served as the backbone of their society. They did not know that without so many so actively working in the darkness, they could never so freely enjoy the light.

 

Then a blonde boy slightly taller than Levi stood in front of him, blocking his vision of the people he concluded to be awfully similar to livestock.

 

“Hey, you, you’re new around here, ain’t ya?”

 

“Who wants to know?” Levi said flatly in response.

 

The blonde boy narrowed his eyes and said importantly, “I do. You know, newbies have to hand over their lunch money. Tradition and whatever. Get it?”

 

Levi got to his feet with a grace unusual in a boy who had yet to even experience puberty. The blonde boy must have seen something beneath Levi’s deceptively relaxed posture and the obvious height difference between them because suddenly he backed away and a wide smile split his face.

 

“Hey, hey, hey! I was just kidding! Cause, well, I haven’t seen you around before and I was curious to meet you.”

 

“You expect me to believe a shady-ass guy like you?”

 

“Well, no,” the boy laughed, and Levi noticed that he had a very… compelling smile. “My name’s Farlan, by the way. What’s yours?”

 

Levi knew what Kenny expected him to do. He wasn’t supposed to get friendly with local dwellers of the light, of the outside world.

 

He was supposed to go trotting back to base and wait obediently for the next order.

 

“…Levi.”

 

“Levi? That’s a pretty cool name!”

 

And so Levi gained something called a ‘friend’. He often found himself automatically walking the path to the park at sunset, where he would meet with Farlan. He found himself looking forward to this time of the day, a sensation that was very unfamiliar but not unpleasant. Kenny noted one evening that Levi was acting distracted and that he needed to pay more attention. Levi didn’t think he was behaving any differently. He didn’t feel much different. He just felt a little… lighter. Was this being happy?

 

What was happiness anyway?

 

He asked Farlan this one day. Farlan’s face unexpectedly darkened and he said, “I don’t know. It’s not something I can learn from my parents.”

 

At Levi’s unobtrusive prompting, Farlan revealed something that Levi was slightly shocked to discover.

 

Farlan was also one of the abandoned.

 

Since no one showed an interest in adopting him, he was placed into foster care at a young age. He cycled through different families that didn’t want to keep him for too long until finding himself at his current family. Cameron and Martha Church were very upstanding and well respected members of the community – at least on the surface. Away from the sights of society, they became emotionally abusive self-serving assholes that used the foster care money on themselves. Farlan was often not served dinner and he didn’t like to be home when the Churches returned from work, which was why he escaped to the park at sunset.

 

“They don’t love me,” said Farlan. “No one does, that’s why no one wanted to adopt me.”

 

Levi was suddenly overcome with a surge of emotion – one he couldn’t accurately describe. It was anger at Farlan’s foster parents for treating him so badly. It was the fierce desire to stop Farlan from being hurt again.

 

“Levi? Why are you standing?”

 

He’d gotten to his feet with the unexpected flood of unfamiliar feeling. Levi noticed that he was shaking and that his hands were clenched so hard that his nails bit into his palm. He turned to Farlan, who was still seated.

 

“Farlan. Come with me.”

 

Farlan looked confused, “Come with you? What do you mean?”

 

Levi lunged forward, startling Farlan, and grabbed his wrist, “Farlan, you don’t need to stay with those people. Come with me.”

 

Realisation dawned on his blonde friend’s face and Farlan smiled sadly, “It doesn’t work like that, Levi. I can’t just leave them.”

 

“Fuck that,” Levi snarled, grip tightening. Farlan didn’t look like he was going to change his mind though. “Fine. If anything happens then come to the old hotel in the Downtown area. The one with no name but also no graffiti. There should be some guys standing outside, doesn’t matter what time. Ask for me.”

 

Levi then released Farlan’s wrist and began stalking away.

 

“Wait! Levi! What is that? Is that where you live? Where are you going?”

 

Levi didn’t respond, just kept walking.

 

He didn’t return to the park for three days, choosing to hover around the base and picking on the other members when they didn’t clean properly. Kenny noted that he had become more taciturn lately but Levi didn’t elaborate. He couldn’t stomach the thought of being with Farlan and not being able to do anything about his situation. So he stayed away.

 

On the fourth night, Levi was feeling even more sullen and the other members of the underground were making more of a conscious effort to avoid him. He watched the sun set from the roof of the hotel miserably before heading back downstairs, aiming to push someone around, or maybe clean something. Or maybe force someone to clean something. That sounded fun.

 

He eventually wound up practicing his knife throwing, but hitting the centre of the target so many times eventually became so tedious that he started aiming for people’s feet who weren’t training hard enough. A few death glares and bleeding ankles later, Levi decided to sit by Kenny’s side and listen to him handle his business.

 

“We’ve received reports from one of our contacts within Sina that some of the wealthies are attending some fancy meeting,” said one of the members.

 

Kenny nodded, smirking, “So, perhaps we can offer our services. For protection, right? And we don’t come cheap, now do we boys?”

 

There were a few snickers from around the room. Then the door burst open, revealing one of the newbies, panting. Kenny looked up in thinly veiled annoyance and Levi started aiming at the guy’s ankles.

 

“What is it?” Kenny demanded.

 

Fresh-Meat swallowed thickly, “S-sir! Well, there’s this kid outside-”

 

“And since when is this a daycare?”

 

“Ah, no! Um, just-”

 

Levi stood and sheathed the knife, “He was asking for me wasn’t he?”

 

Fresh-Meat nodded in relief and Levi took a step forward towards the door but froze when Kenny spoke:

 

“Where do you think you’re going?”

 

Levi faced Kenny and said lowly, “This is important. I will take full responsibility for whatever happens.”

 

Kenny regarded Levi silently then finally sighed, “Whatever. Do what you want.”

 

When Levi arrived at the front door, the guys outside parted before him. One of them was harshly gripping Farlan’s arm and twisting it while spitting something in his face. Levi threw the knife that he’d sheathed and it pierced into the meat of the guy’s forearm. He released Farlan with a yelp and swore viciously.

 

“Levi!” Farlan said, smiling broadly. There was a bruise on his cheek and the area around one of his eyes seemed to be turning blue. Farlan didn’t seem to be particularly surprised that Levi was perfectly comfortable surrounded by thugs, or that he’d even thrown a knife at one.

 

“What happened, Farlan?” Levi said quietly, not moving from his position in the threshold of the entrance.

 

Farlan’s face fell, smile disappearing. Levi noticed his jaw tighten.

 

“Come inside.”

 

If the other gang members were surprised to see a soft-looking blonde boy following Levi through the headquarters, none of them voiced their shock. Levi showed Farlan into his room and closed the door behind him.

 

“What happened?” he repeated.

 

Farlan swallowed thickly, “Cameron came home before sunset – before I could leave. He’d been fired from work and I was – I was in the way.”

 

Levi was silent, leaning against the closed door and trying to control his breathing and the urge to go find this Cameron Church.

 

“When Martha came home, I – I tried to tell her what happened. But I guess I was in her way too,” he finished bitterly. Levi hated the fact that his usually easy-going friend’s eyes were now glazing over in unshed tears. He jerked forward awkwardly as he acted instinctively. He folded his arms around Farlan and crushed him to his body.

 

_Is Farlan shaking? Or is it me?_

 

“I’ll kill them,” he snarled over Farlan’s head.

 

Farlan wrapped his arms around Levi’s waist.

 

_Or maybe it’s both of us._

 

“No,” Farlan choked out. He had started crying, the tears seeping through Levi’s shirt. “Please, don’t – don’t kill them.”

 

Levi’s only response was to squeeze him tighter.

 

He finally knew how to describe the feeling. Or rather he had a word that meant the same for him.

 

_Mine_

~~~~~

 

Levi did take responsibility, and the Underground gained a new child prodigy. Levi trained Farlan himself until he lost all the baby fat and general softness of childhood and became a weapon for the Underground alongside Levi. When they were both fourteen, Farlan received the plain metal band to show his acceptance into the Underground. Kenny was pleased to have a new intimidation technique for it seemed as though Levi had become even more ruthless – and thus more profitable. Farlan was treated with the same caution Levi received, for fear of inciting the black haired boy’s rage. The two went on missions together, otherwise not going at all. It wasn’t to say that Farlan didn’t get along with the other members without Levi present, in fact, he showed an uncanny knack for being charming and dealing with people. Levi was additionally more than happy to have Farlan speak for him.

 

The two boys shared Levi’s room, it having been not too much trouble to smuggle another bed into the room - not that anyone would have dared objecting. Levi found himself sitting awake more often, waiting until Farlan fell asleep and watching over him, as the blonde boy often whimpered and cried out in his sleep. One night, as Levi leaned against the wall while seated on his bed, Farlan woke with a sharp gasp.

 

“Levi?” he called out cautiously and Levi grunted in response. “You’re still awake? What time is it?”

 

“Don’t worry about it, just go back to sleep.”

 

There is silence again.

 

“Um, Levi?”

 

“What?”

 

“Would it, um,” sounds of Farlan fidgeting, “Would it be okay if I, um-”

 

“What is it, Farlan?”

 

“CanIsleepwithyoutonight?” he said in a rush.

 

“…”

 

“Please, Levi?” he said, reduced to shameless begging, “Please can I sleep with you? Just for tonight?”

 

Levi sighed, “Fine. Do what you want.”

 

“Thank you,” Farlan breathed and climbed cautiously under the covers next to Levi. He fidgeted a bit more.

 

“Oi, sit still.”

 

“Sorry…”

 

And suddenly Levi could feel Farlan’s trembling fingers grip the hem of his shirt and, when he didn’t react, Farlan shuffled closer into his side. Levi sighed again then wrapped his closer arm around Farlan’s shoulders. Slowly, the quivering subsided and Farlan fell into a sleep that was peaceful for a change.

 

This behaviour of Farlan sleeping in Levi’s bed did not last for just that night as promised; but Levi couldn’t deny that having the other boy sleep next to him made it easier to keep watch over him as well as allow himself to sleep easier too. Levi wondered if it was intentional that Farlan kept sidling closer to him each night. He also wondered why he felt more comfortable sleeping next to him than alone.

 

Early one morning, after spending the night running around chasing some idiot who tried to bolt, Levi collapsed onto the bed next to Farlan and uncharacteristically gripped him tightly around the waist.

 

“Levi?! What are you doing?”

 

“Shut up, you’re too noisy,” Levi said tiredly from his position of smooshing his cheek against Farlan’s chest. Farlan laughed and adjusted their positions until they lay face to face. After a few moments, Levi grumbled and shuffled around. He moved until Levi’s head was tucked under Farlan’s chin and in his neck.

 

“Your breathing on me is irritating. Too fucking hot.”

 

Farlan laughed again and Levi felt the corner of his mouth twitch in response. What he didn’t tell him is that he could sleep that much better when he could hear and feel Farlan’s heartbeat.

 

~~~~~

 

In the winter of their fourteenth year, Levi and Farlan accompanied Kenny on a mission to take care of a rat who’d taken residence in one of the buildings in Kenny’s territory. Kyle Dell – an opportunistic ‘businessman’ had been raking in cash by using orphans. He collected kids off the street and used them as beggars, sometimes injuring them so as to receive more sympathy money. Levi found this practice disgusting, as did Farlan, but Kenny was more concerned with the fact that someone other than him was making a profit.

 

When they arrived at the door, Kenny knocked on the door good naturedly. There was a grunt from inside. “Hello~? Mr. Dell? We’re the debt collectors!” he called in a playful, high-pitched voice and the guys in the group snickered. This was a part of Kenny’s fun, playing with his victim before moving in for the kill. Like a cat toying with a mouse. Levi and Farlan stood towards the front, serious and focused, waiting for Kenny’s command.

 

“What?” answered a voice from inside, “Get lost!”

 

“Excuse the intrusion!” Kenny sing-songed and kicked in the door. There was a loud squawk, presumably from ‘Mr Dell’, and several startled screams from the children that were likely grouped in the room. Kenny waited a moment before inclining his head sharply to Levi and Farlan, “Go get him.”

 

Like the two well-trained dogs that they essentially were, Levi and Farlan darted in without hesitation. Their sights quickly skimmed over the orphans huddled in a corner and locked on to the fat man taking cover behind a filthy sofa littered with leftover food, cigarette butts and questionable stains. Levi’s expression grew only more determined after eyeing the mess. The two boys acted swiftly together; Levi hooking Dell’s neck and pulling him off balance, and Farlan striking the back of his knees. Kyle Dell found himself on the floor in the centre of the room facing Kenny as Farlan held a 9mm handgun to his temple and Levi lightly pressing the sharpened edge of a sword to his nervously bobbing Adam’s apple. He swallowed and a thin trail of blood ran to pool in his clavicle. His arms hung by his sides uselessly and he studied the two boys holding their positions on either side of him.

 

Kenny stepped into the house, followed by the rest of the group, who were present mostly for the effect. He didn’t spare the trembling children a glance as he sauntered closer to Kyle.

 

“Well now,” Kenny said, stopping in front of him, hands in his pockets, “This is a great place you got here Mr Dell. Funny, I don’t remember it being yours.”

 

Levi pressed the blade slightly closer so that when Kyle swallowed again, more blood dripped into the now overflowing clavicle and dying his grease stained white shirt darker.

 

Kenny leaned down on his haunches, “Now see here, if you really want to do ‘business’,” he finally studied the children, “then you should have come to ask for my say so, got it? But I’ll tell you what, I’ll let you off easy this time, for a tiny deposit, if you will, hmm? As a show of good faith and in hopes of doing good business with each other in future. What do you say?”

 

“Bunch of fuckin’ dog lords, you are!” Kyle spat, full of pompous and misplaced bravery. “You ain’t getting’ none of my money!”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Kenny said, straightening up and not sounding very sorry at all. “Take him out through the back.”

 

Levi and Farlan move to take him but Kenny held up a hand, “No, not you two, this’ll get messy. Ramone, Mio, you do it. Everyone else wait out in front.”

 

Levi opened his mouth to protest but Kenny cut him off, “Levi, deal with the kids, then take Farlan and search the house, we don’t need any surprises, and also check if there’s anything worth taking.”

 

Levi gritted his teeth then nodded once, and Kenny walked out the back after Kyle. The door shut with a finality and Levi and Farlan were left alone with the orphans. When Levi turned his attention to them, a few of the younger ones squeaked in fear. They were of varying ages and nationalities, boys and girls mixed together.

 

“Get out,” he said flatly.

 

The children didn’t move and Levi decided to cycle through his mental catalogue of languages learned at Kenny’s command.

 

 _“Toridasu! Sortez! Aussteigen! Salir! Eruit!_ Get the fuck out of here, you’re pissing me off!”

 

At last, whether it was a language they recognised or the irritation in his voice, the kids eventually scrambled out the front. Farlan watched them go, “You didn’t have to be so harsh.”

 

“They’ll get over it. Come on.”

 

Levi and Farlan quickly scanned through the other rooms, eventually finished inspecting the second floor.

 

“All clear,” Farlan said, “No threats or good stuff to be found.”

 

“Tch. Fine. Let’s move out.”

 

They were about to do just that when they heard the slight shifting of material. They instantly stood at the ready; Farlan cocking the gun and Levi holding the sword in position. Levi gestured towards a cupboard, where he thought the sound came from and the pair sneaked forward. They stood on either side of the doors and Levi counted down with his fingers.

 

3…2…1

 

They opened the doors and a blur of red came tumbling out.

 

It was a… girl?


	12. Sleepless Nights

“Found my hiding spot, did you?! Take this!”

 

The scruffy, red-headed little girl launched herself at Levi. Levi, still a little shocked at this new development, could possibly have cut her down mid-air in pure reflex-reaction had Farlan not casually reached out and plucked her out of harm’s way. She struggled ferociously in his grip and he held her away from his body at arm’s length. He was gripping her by the collar of her shirt and she dangled helplessly in the air, swiping at him uselessly.

 

“What should we do with her?” he asked, ignoring her attempts to claw at him.

 

“I don’t know,” Levi said, biting down viciously on his shock. The only women in the Underground were whoever had picked up someone’s interest for the night; Levi had never been required to interact with them.

 

“You’re not doin’ anything with me! I’m gonna kill ya both! Don’t look down on me!”

 

Something then clicked for Levi. Gender didn’t matter. This scruffy little shit wanted to live and she was willing to fight for it.

 

“Put her down, Farlan.”

 

“Levi, are you sure?”

 

“Do it.”

 

Farlan set her down and, as expected, she flew at Levi. He stopped her by placing a hand on her head and letting her flail in her attempts to hit him.

 

“Hey, kid, you’re pretty strong, aren’t you?”

 

She stopped struggling, shaking his hand off her head, “I’m not a kid but, yeah, maybe, who wants to know?”

 

Levi snorted, feeling the corner of his mouth twitch upwards a little, “You been protecting all those other kids?”

 

“Of course!” the girl said, then she narrowed her eyes, “Sometimes old fatty tried to push around the little ones but I managed alright. He didn’t like me much.”

 

Levi snorted again, and Farlan said, “Can’t blame him, probably scared of you.”

 

“Really? You think so?” she asked, green eyes widening in excitement.

 

“Definitely,” Farlan nodded, smiling disarmingly.

 

“Cool!” she said, “What happened to him anyway? You guys beat him up or something?”

 

“Something like that,” Farlan said, hastily aiming to change the subject, “Hey, what’s your name? I’m Farlan and this is Levi.”

 

“Farlan and… Big Brother Levi!”

 

“’Big Brother’…?” Levi asked.

 

“Yeah!” the girl said with wide grin, “I’m Isabel.”

 

“Hey, Isabel,” Farlan asked, “Are you going to be alright on your own? I know-”

 

“Isabel,” Levi interrupted, “Do you want to come with us?”

 

“Levi?!” Farlan choked.

 

Levi stared at Isabel. He watched as her grin widened impossibly further and her eyes lit up.

 

“Good,” he said, not waiting for an answer. He turned on his heel and exited the room, sheathing his sword.

 

“Wait, Levi!” Farlan called and, holstering the gun, followed with Isabel close behind him.

 

When the trio reached downstairs, they found Kenny wiping his hands on a cloth and standing with the rest of the group outside. “Ahh, Levi,” he said, “Let’s go. We’re done here.”

 

Levi nodded, and glanced at Farlan out the corner of his eye. Farlan understood and motioned subtly to Isabel to keep quiet. The girl nodded, watching Levi closely.

 

“Eh?” Kenny said, noticing Levi’s additional party member, “What’s this? You picked up a stray?”

 

Levi could feel Isabel bristling behind him but he trusted Farlan to control her as best he could.

 

“Something like that.”

 

“Hmm? Oh, it’s a girl? How cute… boys, it looks like Levi’s found himself a bitch to take home! She’s a bit dirty though, isn’t she, boy?” Kenny sneered and the rest of the group snickered cruelly.

 

Levi felt the tightening of a little fist in the back of his shirt, and was overcome once again with that same emotion he experienced all those months ago with Farlan. He could now recognise it as protectiveness. This defensive feeling gave him the courage to tilt his chin slightly upward and look at Kenny straight in the eye, “She’s coming with us to live as a member of the Underground, not as some whore to be thrown away.”

 

And there was silence. “Oh, is that so, boy?” Kenny eventually said, eyes glinting dangerously. “How is this little street urchin gonna pay her way, hmm? Are you going to look after her?”

 

“Yes,” Levi said immediately, “I accept full responsibility.”

 

Kenny regarded Levi and the latter fought to stand as strongly as he could, expression schooled into his well-practiced mask of impassiveness.

 

“Fine, boy, you can bring your little bitch along. Just watch it.”

 

Levi simply nodded, not wanting to show his relief too clearly.

 

On arrival back at the hotel, Isabel was already excitedly chattering about everything she saw and eagerly asking questions. Farlan entertained her as best he could, since he was better equipped at social interaction than Levi. Levi spent this time glaring at any other members giving the girl any funny looks.

 

While Isabel enthusiastically and randomly greeted someone mopping a section of floor, Farlan pulled Levi to the side, “I don’t know what you were thinking by bringing her back with us but this is gonna get difficult.”

 

“I know, Farlan, but I couldn’t just leave her there.”

 

“I know,” Farlan sighed and they silently watched Isabel talk animatedly with some of the guys. “Where’s she gonna sleep anyway?”

 

“What?” Levi asked, a little surprised, “She can sleep with us, can’t she?”

 

“Levi!”

 

“What?”

 

“Levi, she’s a girl.”

 

“Yes? And?”

 

“Levi.”

 

“I’m not going to magically understand whatever the fuck you’re trying to say just because you keep repeating my name.”

 

“Listen, girls have different _situations_ than us, okay? She’s eleven now so at some point things for her are going to be _different_ for her. Get it?”

 

“I still don’t see what the problem is,” Levi said. What the hell was Farlan talking about?

 

“Just… put her in a different room, okay?”

 

“How will I watch her, then? She’ll be alone.”

 

Farlan was a little dumbstruck. Levi set his jaw obstinately. Farlan remembered how Levi always fell asleep after he did and woke up before him.

 

“We can put her across the hall from us lock the door or something. She’ll be fine, Levi.”

 

Levi still didn’t look convinced but he trusted Farlan and arranged for Isabel to be placed into the room he specified. When the two boys went to bed however, Farlan sensed Levi’s tension as they lay close together in the darkness.

 

“You’re still worried about her?”

 

“Hmm.”

 

“She’s going to be fine you know.”

 

“…Hmm.”

 

Farlan sighed. He stayed awake with Levi, well aware that the black-haired boy wasn’t even thinking of sleeping. After a few hours of sleepless silence, there was a faint scratching sound at the door. Levi whipped himself out of bed immediately wielding the knife he hid under the bed frame, leaving Farlan’s head to drop to the bed sharply since it had been resting on Levi’s arm moments before.

 

“Ow,” Farlan grumbled and turned to look at Levi who was standing tensely facing the door, blade held at the ready. The handle opened slowly and a scruffy head of hair cautiously popped in.

 

“Isabel?” Farlan asked incredulously as Levi visibly relaxed and returned the knife to its spot, “What are you doing here? Wait, didn’t we lock the door?!”

 

The little redhead simply grinned and stepped inside. She held one of her wrists in one hand, wringing it awkwardly, “I didn’t want to be alone.”

 

Levi laughed once, more like a bark, “Told you.”

 

Farlan sighed, “Fine, she can stay. I’ll sort everything out tomorrow,” he rubs his face wearily, “Can we go to sleep now? Thank god there’s two beds.”

 

“Can I – Can I sleep with you?” Isabel blurted, sending the boys into a mildly surprised but very thoughtful silence.

 

The single mattress the boys shared wasn’t going to be enough, so Levi moved Farlan’s old bed and the shared bed together. If Isabel found it strange that two fourteen-year-old boys slept together, she didn’t comment. She simply crawled in between them happily, taking over the space like an invasive alien plant. She rested her head on Levi’s arm, the position previously occupied by Farlan, and curled herself into a little ball. She then reached behind her, grabbed Farlan’s arm, and tugged him forward until he was curled around her. She even went so far as to drape his arm over her, thus successfully creating a cocoon of maleness for herself to sleep in. She fell asleep in seconds, leaving Levi and Farlan a little stunned with the new sleeping arrangement.

 

Eventually, after some more time of sleeplessness, Farlan whispered over Isabel’s head, “Hey, um, Levi?”

 

“What is it?” Levi whispered back.

 

“I - I can’t sleep.”

 

“Me neither.”

 

“Um,” Farlan hesitated and he cautiously moved the arm resting over Isabel. He gripped the tips of Levi’s fingers with his own lightly. “Is this – is this okay?”

 

Levi realised that he’d been feeling uneasy because he was unused to sleeping without being in constant contact with Farlan. He didn’t respond verbally, only entwining their fingers. He heard Farlan sigh and a little time later, fall into the rhythmic breathing pattern of sleep. Once assured that his two charges were asleep, he allowed himself to follow suit.

 

_What is happiness, anyway?_

 

_I don’t know, but I think I’m close._

 

~~~~~

 

If Farlan earned his place socially among the members of the Underground through his charm, then Isabel earned it through sheer likability. After a year of training with Levi, she also became an invaluable asset to the gang; resulting in Kenny reluctantly granting her with her own steel ring when she turned twelve.

 

She didn’t seem to mind being the only female member, and the three of them learned the consequences of her gender through a series of informative talks with some of the ‘temporary’ women. They also learned through experience as she grew older. As her body began to change, Levi and Farlan also noticed how the rest of the Underground’s reaction to her began to change.

 

Leering stares, ‘accidental’ touches, ambiguous comments, and twisted upturns of lips became more common.

 

So before she turned thirteen, Levi and Farlan took her and left the Underground.

 

They thought no one would question anything if they left during the night and acted like they had a job to do, but apparently Kenny had planned for a time when the three Guard Dogs suspiciously left on their own. So, the trio found themselves sprinting and dodging through alleyways in the middle of the night, desperately trying to lose their pursuers in the darkness of a city asleep.

 

“Guys!” Isabel called from ahead of them, “This way! We can scale the fence!”

 

She ducked into an alley and shimmed up and over a fence laden with green construction material. Levi and Farlan tried to follow after her but Farlan’s hoodie pocket got caught on a nail protruding from the building corner.

 

“Shit!” he cried as he got pulled back, the material tearing.

 

Levi paused and glanced back. The voices of the gang members were getting louder. They wouldn’t have the time to climb over.

 

Thinking quickly, he stepped towards Farlan and tugged him roughly to his feet. He ripped the torn hoodie off him, leaving him in a pale white t-shirt, and then pulled him closer.

 

“Levi? What-”

 

Levi didn’t respond, only tugging backwards until his back was against the wall and Farlan was covering him with his body. He reached upwards, grabbed Farlan’s neck and pulled him roughly into a kiss. He held him firmly in position as he heard footsteps at the entrance of the alley. A flashlight shone briefly on them but they were dismissed as some random couple seeking privacy, and the group continued in the pursuit. Once Levi heard their footsteps recede, he released Farlan, who stumbled backwards, holding a hand to his mouth.

 

“What was that for?”

 

Levi looked at Farlan’s wide eyed expression and red face, and shrugged, “Sorry. I had to act quickly. I won’t do it again, if it bothers you so much.”

 

Farlan actually managed to blush a deeper shade of red. “It’s not that,” he muttered, “I didn’t say that I didn’t like it.”

 

Levi raised a slim eyebrow, “Oh? Then what’s the problem?”

 

Farlan narrowed his eyes, but Levi could see the beginnings of a smirk, “The problem is that that wasn’t the right way to go about our first kiss.”

 

“And what is the right way then?” Levi played along, feeling his own smirk begin to form.

 

Farlan didn’t answer; only stepping forward and pulling Levi closer with one hand on his waist and angling his head up with his other hand. Their lips connected with considerably less force than previously; a light touch involving equal parts tenderness and curiosity. It was a unique experience, one that Levi wasn’t too keen to end quite yet.

 

“Oi, guys, we’re supposed to be running away,” called Isabel, head popping up from the other side of the fence.

 

The boys separated quickly in surprise, Farlan blushing again and Levi fighting to keep his expression neutral. They climbed over the fence, joining Isabel, and continued running; so close together that their arms brushed every so often.

 

~~~~~

 

“So, Isabel,” Levi said mock-calmly, and the girl flinched, “Tell me again why you thought it was a good idea to hide in a fire department?”

 

She grinned apologetically, eyeing the assortment of people now surrounding them nervously. After they’d scaled the fence, she’d lead them over another wall and hid them in the closest building – The Survey Corps Fire Department. After waking an entire station of surprised firefighters, they prepared to fight them off. But Levi didn’t expect them to be such good combat fighters too. If he was alone, he might’ve managed to get away, but after Farlan and Isabel were captured, he surrendered to his opponent.

 

Erwin Smith.

 

Levi had heard the name before. Some big-shot firefighter who was some local hero.

 

_Don’t make me sick._

 

Firefighters were just as corrupt as the other government organisations that formed this society. They just had more fun, sliding down poles, riding around in ostentatious fire engines and spraying water in people’s faces. A bunch of bullies on steroids playing at the good guy.

 

He told Erwin this, even as he was forced to his knees next to Farlan and Isabel. The tall man simply smiled, leaving Levi to seethe and curse those furry things that should’ve been eyebrows.

 

Erwin conferred with an equally large man who had a moustache just as furry as Erwin’s eyebrows. The man came closer and, much to Levi’s disgust, sniffed them thoroughly. After returning to Erwin and the two men discussed even further, Erwin nodded.

 

“Thank you, Mike.”

 

Erwin then came closer and kneeled so that he was on level with Levi, though he was still irritatingly taller than Levi. “I’m going to assume that you weren’t hiding in this department simply for fun and that you’d spend a lot of time in prison if we turned you in for trespassing.” Levi only glared and Erwin continued, “Though all that trouble can be solved, of course, if you make a little deal with me."

 

“Fuck off,” Levi spat but then Mr Moustache lunged forward and smashed his face into the floorboards.

 

“Hey!” Isabel yelled, trying to get to Levi, “Let him go!”

 

“What kind of deal?” Farlan asked frantically, glancing quickly between Levi, Erwin and Mr Moustache.

 

Erwin motioned to Mr Moustache and Levi’s head was forcibly raised. Erwin spoke to Farlan but didn’t take his eyes off Levi, “You three come along with us on a few calls – let’s say as community service. Behave and do what you’re told and I won’t turn you in. I’ll even pull a few strings with my contacts in Law Enforcement and clear you of all charges. Once you’ve completed your service you’re free to go, no strings attached. How does that sound?”

 

Levi remained silent, trying to transmit his intense hatred to the man before him.

 

“That’s it?” Farlan said incredulously, “Then we can go? We’re not going to be in danger?”

 

“None whatsoever,” he confirmed, eyes locked on Levi.

 

 _Well, Levi?_ He seemed to ask.

 

Levi still hadn’t spoken. Mr Moustache pulled tighter on his hair and he bared his teeth.

 

“Do we have a deal, Levi?” Erwin repeated.

 

_Stop saying my name like you own me._

 

He could feel Isabel and Farlan staring at him.

 

“Fine,” he snarled. “We’ll follow you and your merry helpers around for a bit then we’re gone.”

 

Erwin only smiled self-satisfactorily.

 

_Keep smiling, old man. It won’t last long._

 

~~~~~

 

Levi was not stupid.

 

He was well aware that Erwin was trying to coerce him into being a firefighter; and as far he could see, they were still big idiots riding on embarrassingly bright vehicles. The only opinion change he had was that they were even bigger idiots for continuously risking their lives to put out fires when it was obvious that they were inevitable.

 

He waited with Farlan impatiently until their community service was over; leaving Isabel to entertain herself poking her nose into the firefighters’ business. She flourished in the new environment, becoming more confident and, according to Levi, cheekier. She stopped with adding ‘Big Brother’ to his name, for which he was thankful, but developed an annoying habit of ruffling his hair. He also noticed her giving him knowing looks, specifically when he was with Farlan.

 

But he was glad she was safe. Now all they had to do was wait it out and then they would be free, just the three of them.

 

Then, on their last day of their week-long community service, Levi watched a ten-year-old kid dive head first into a burning house to save his mother.

 

And just like that, Levi’s outlook changed.

 

Kenny had beaten into him the value of strength in the Underground, but that wasn’t true strength. That was pretending to be strong by taking advantage of those weaker than you. Strength lay in wanting to protect someone. Strength lay in the fiery determination of a child to go against all odds to save someone he loved.

 

He wanted to be that strong.

 

After returning from the hospital, finding it surprisingly hard to leave the kid behind, he entered the room that he, Farlan and Isabel shared temporarily in the Survey Corps building.

 

“Levi!” Isabel called out happily and he grunted a greeting in reply. Farlan remained notably silent.

Levi was perfectly happy to leave him to sulk but Isabel apparently had other ideas. She jumped off the bed where she was sprawling and walked towards Levi.

 

“I’m gonna go find Erwin and ask for that paperwork, okay?” she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. _Fix this._

 

Levi sighed, “Sure, I’ll be down there in a bit.” _Fine, just leave already._

 

Farlan still didn’t say anything when the door closed behind Isabel. Levi fought against the awkwardness he was feeling and began changing from his day-clothes.

 

And then: “You were at the hospital a long time.”

 

“The kid looked like he needed someone.”

 

“We need you too, Levi.”

 

Levi didn’t say anything.

 

“Why are you even going along with this? You know how dangerous their job is.”

 

“Oh and I suppose we lived a safe life growing up in the Underground?”

 

“That’s not the point, Levi.”

 

“Then what is, Farlan? Cause it seems to me like you’re trying to get at something but you’re being too chicken-shit to come right out and say it.”

 

Farlan looked hurt and Levi thought he might’ve gone too far. _But we need to get through this, he thought resolutely._

 

“Fine,” Farlan snapped. “I was jealous, okay? I’ve been happy this past week because I thought we would be free after this and, I mean, you and I were together so of course I was happy. Then today, you see some kid acting stupid and all of a sudden it’s like I don’t exist. It was all about some random kid you don’t even know. Then you just decide on your own to be a firefighter? I thought we were in this together, Levi. There was no teamwork in this, just you acting on your own without thinking about me – or Isabel. Haven’t you thought about how much danger she’d be in? About how much danger we’d all be in?”

 

Levi then pushed himself off the wall he was leaning back on and stalked over to Farlan. The latter flinched back and Levi felt hurt that he’d even think Levi would hurt him. Levi leaned over Farlan, forcing the blond teenager to lie down flat on the bed. Levi placed one hand on the bed and used the other to grip his chin, forcing the other to look at him, “Of course I thought of the danger. You think I’m not always thinking about how to keep you guys safe? I know the danger, Farlan, but I’ve been facing danger my entire life. I’ve _been_ dangerous all my life. I want to do something good. I want to actually _save_ people from danger. I’m sorry, Farlan, I know you don’t want this, but this is something I have to do. I’m going to train and then join the Survey Corps. I’ll watch over Isabel here, and I’ll check up on you every day if you want to leave.”

 

Farlan just looked up at Levi in silence, studying him closely. Finally he let out a big sigh, “You know I’d follow you anywhere, Levi.”

 

Levi released the breath he didn’t know he was holding and softened his grip. He moved his hand to cup Farlan’s cheek.

 

“And what was this about jealousy?” he asked softly, moving a piece of hair out of Farlan’s face with his fingertips.

 

Farlan blushed slightly, but stared at Levi resolutely, “If you stay this close for a while longer I might get over it.”

 

Levi laughed once and brought his face down to Farlan’s for a kiss. Farlan seemed like he wanted to resist but they were both well aware that they enjoyed each other’s company far too much for either to ever seriously consider it.

 

When they eventually separated, Farlan sat up and Levi sat next to them so that their shoulders touched. Levi suddenly was overwhelmed by the realisation of how much trust had been placed in him. From both Farlan and Isabel. And now he wanted to become a firefighter and save lives? Would he be able to handle the pressure? He bowed his head slightly, clenching his hands together.

 

Would he be strong enough?

 

He was determined to try. After being nothing but a harbinger of danger and destruction, he wanted to be something better than simply the weapon Kenny had forged him to be. A weapon designed to cut through his enemies with its sharp edge but having a brittle core. A core established from the wrong strength.

 

“You know, it’s weird,” Farlan murmured, snapping Levi out of his thoughts, “But it’s like you’ve changed. Your eyes seem… brighter somehow.”

 

Levi responded automatically, “Don’t be gay.”

 

“Oh, sorry, I’ll try to keep my gayness under control when I’m around you. Wouldn’t want you to catch it.”

 

“Smart-ass.”

 

“You want my ass.”

 

“ _Oh my god_ ,” said Isabel from the doorway and the two boys look up in surprise. “I came back ‘cause I thought Mommy and Daddy had stopped fighting but apparently you guys are still in the making-up part.”

 

“Just come here, you idiot,” said Levi and Isabel bounded over with a laugh. She tackled them both backwards onto the bed making Farlan laugh too and Levi to smile a little. She excitedly started telling them of how she spoke to Erwin and they were going to be training at Trost building starting in the morning. Levi glanced at Farlan, who was smiling at Isabel.

 

Levi would protect them both. As long as they had each other, they’d be fine.


	13. Spoken Insecurities

“Just stop, Mikasa. Just let me sulk, let me rant, just let me _hurt_. Because it _does_ hurt.”

She doesn’t know what to say. She’s not good at this. Armin is usually the one that comforts with words. Mikasa can only comfort with her presence, much like Eren; but it’s not working.

_I don’t know how to make this better._

They’re standing in one of the unused bedrooms in one of the less popular corridors; the only witnesses to the conversation being a bared bed base and open empty cupboard. She caught him hurriedly walking down the corridor, though she hadn’t known where he thought he was escaping to, and pulled him into the room. He wasted no time in ranting to her and she quickly realised that while she might’ve told Eren that she could fix it, she wasn’t sure she could do it herself.

She clenches her fists at her sides, unable to move forward and embrace Armin. There are tears on his cheeks and she wonders if he’s even noticed.

_I know it hurts, Armin._

She wishes she could just fix everything by hugging him and pushing him in Eren’s direction so that they could hug too. Maybe zip-tie them together for a few days.

But this pain is something that Armin has been repressing for a long time. Mikasa has always been good at watching other people. And she’s even better when watching over her family. She watched Armin’s feelings grow stronger for Eren and still remembers the exact moment when Armin realised that he loved Eren as more than a brother. 

They were thirteen and Eren was doing something stupid – again. He’d gotten stuck in a tree that he’d climbed to prove a point and was mewling and whining pathetically from the uppermost branches. And despite him begging for them to rescue him, Mikasa and Armin stood beneath the tree without planning to. Mikasa stood smugly, pleased that his stupid stunt proved her right and Armin was crying from laughter. The other children at the school just walked by as quickly as they could. They read the situation thinking that the “Scary-messed-up-kids” were torturing one of their own.

“Aw, come on guys! Don’t you love me?” Eren yowled, clutching his branch tightly.

“I’m teaching you a lesson _because_ I love you,” Mikasa called up.

“Armin~!” Eren pleaded.

Wiping tears from his eyes, Armin eventually agreed to help Eren down. Once on solid ground, Eren then clutched Armin tightly.

“You see Mikasa,” Eren said, cheek smooshed against Armin’s, “Armin _actually_ loves me. You’re gonna die alone but we’re gonna be together forever.”

In hindsight, Eren has always had an inappropriate sense of humour.

Armin laughed when Eren said this but Mikasa saw it. A flickering of emotions across Armin’s face; invisible to Eren but blindingly obvious to her.

Confusion. Contemplation. Realisation. Embarrassment. 

Hope.

Armin never tried to force his feelings on Eren, and he never tried to hide them from him either. But Eren unfortunately remained oblivious. It wasn’t his fault – it’s still not. Eren may also be observant but he is only selectively so. He pays attention when he wants to or he knows that he has to. He didn’t notice Armin’s feelings change because he doesn’t know to look for the signs.

He was just happy in a family. They all were. At first. 

But Armin gradually showed signs of realising that maybe Eren wouldn’t return his feelings and experienced minor bouts of dissatisfaction with just being Eren’s friend, Eren’s brother. It wasn’t overly obvious, even to Armin himself, so Mikasa never felt the need to act on it. Eventually Armin admitted his feelings for Eren to Mikasa, expecting shock or even anger, but was surprised when she said that she already knew and that she was okay with it. He was glad that she wasn’t angry of course, but he seemed mostly relieved that he had someone to share his secret with after keeping his feelings to himself for so long.

For years, the family remained intact.

Until Eren’s Hero got a name.

It became obvious that Eren’s obsession was still as fervent as ever – perhaps even more. In the space of a week, Armin was harshly made aware of the fact that the tenuous hope he’d harboured for years was about to break. He always comforted himself with the fact that Eren never seemed to be romantically interested in anyone; so it wasn’t just Armin not receiving Eren’s attention. But then Armin’s defence couldn’t stand anymore and he couldn’t cushion the rejection with excuses. Now he stands amongst the ruined pieces, hurting himself on the jagged edges, cursing the pain he feels but refusing to drop the shattered remains and staunch the blood.

Mikasa remains silent and Armin speaks again with a much softer voice, so much more pained, and she feels her heart clench. “Have you seen how Eren looks at him? Eren. Finally reunited with his great hero, the great Humanity’s Strongest. Captain Levi Ackerman. And the worst thing is-” Armin’s voice breaks, and Mikasa digs her nails into her palm, “and the worst thing is, that the Captain looks the same way at Eren.”

Mikasa vaguely registers someone running down the corridor, thinking that the trainees might be playing some ridiculous childish game that’s basically an excuse for them to flirt.

“How am I supposed to compete with that?” he mutters, angrily dashing away the tears on his cheeks. His sniffles are the only sound to be heard once the footsteps have disappeared.

Mikasa steps forward and Armin eyes her warily, expecting a hug meant to comfort, preparing to reject her.

But Mikasa doesn’t hug him.

And Armin does not expect her to slap him across the cheek.

He staggers backwards in shock, hand pressed to his cheek and eyes threatening to overflow with new tears. Mikasa steps forward again and grips both of Armin’s shoulders, sensing that he might flee.

“Now, you listen to me, Armin Arlert,” she growls lowly and Armin’s startled eyes are locked on hers, “You are not _competing_ for anything. Eren _is not some prize to be won_. He is a living, breathing human being that deserves better than what you’ve been giving him. You say you love him but I don’t see it. You call Eren selfish but really the only selfish one here is you. You’re making this about you but it’s about someone else. It’s always about someone else when you love that someone. So maybe he’s not _in_ love with you; but do you seriously think that he doesn’t love you _at all_? We’re a family. And family doesn’t do this to each other. Family involves sacrifice, because we love each other. Any love needs sacrifice. You don’t need to be happy about Eren maybe, perhaps, possibly going to be in a relationship in the future that is not with you. Just the fact that he is happy is enough and you know it. And you’re not weak. You may think you are but I sure don’t. And neither does Eren. We’ve always trusted and loved you. We’ve never thought of you as our shadow, you thought that up all on your own. And I don’t see why you being insecure gives you permission to project your frustration and anger at _yourself_ onto someone who loves you. So you’re gonna go and apologise right now for taking it out on him unfairly.” 

Armin looks ready to interrupt but Mikasa stops him, “I’m not saying that you should just give in or even confess your feelings. I’m saying that you two should discuss your insecurities and issues with him _properly_ and _civilly_ instead of hurting him when he doesn’t know what he’s done wrong. You know how he is. He’s an idiot. I know he’s an idiot. You know it. He knows it. Everyone knows it. It’s an important part of his personality. And we all love him for it. Even you. If you fell in love with him then you fell in love with all of him. Idiocy, bad jokes, squirrel-likeness, and shit-stirring tendencies included. But he’s also caring and protective and you can bet he’ll try his absolute hardest in everything – especially in trying to understand where you’re coming from. He’s completely _unselfish_ in that way. He’ll listen to what you have to say right now, even though you hurt him and he doesn’t understand why. So you’re gonna suck your head out of your ass _right now_ or I’m gonna yank it out for you. You’re gonna grow a pair of fucking balls and be the strong person you think you’re not, but we know you are, and you’re gonna prove that you do so have a personality, but you’ve been too blinded by the insides of your own ass to notice it.”

Satisfied, Mikasa then head-butts him, making him fall to the floor.

He rubs his head resentfully, “OW. Jesus, why do you two have to be so violent?”

“Well, it worked didn’t it?”

He stays silent but he releases then releases a huge sigh, “You’re right. I know. I guess I’m an idiot too.”

“No guessing about it,” Mikasa retorts and Armin gives her a withering look to which she responds by staring back stonily.

“But… I don’t know if I can watch him fall in love with someone else, Mikasa,” he says softly, still sprawled on the floor.

Mikasa sighs and kneels in front of him, “You don’t have to. Just don’t hate him for being happy when he does.”

Armin nods, swallowing hard, then clambers to his feet. He brushes off his pants and moves towards the door. He turns when he doesn’t hear Mikasa following and asks, “Could you… could you go with me? I’m scared I’ll fuck it up even more if I go alone.”

Mikasa nods and they exit the room together. They head off down the corridor towards Eren and Armin’s shared room. Behind them come more frantic footsteps and the two whirl around.

Christa, tears streaming down her face, screams as she runs past. She’s gripping some sort of dessert in her hand tightly. Behind her, comes Sasha, looking nothing less than a demon. Following after Sasha is Ymir with a murderous expression. Christa disappears around the corner and Sasha skids to make the tight turn, giving Ymir enough time to catch her. The taller girl grips Sasha by the hair, making Sasha’s legs pinwheel comically as her momentum carries her forward until she drops to the ground. She blinks up at Ymir’s dark expression and gulps. Ymir reaches down to possibly end her food-gobbling days forever but Sasha whips out of the way with sudden urgency and pulls herself up. Now she is the one screaming as she runs down the corridor in the opposite direction. Ymir looks at Armin and Mikasa, shrugs and then peels off after Sasha. 

Even Mikasa feels a little stab of pity for Sasha as she watches Ymir run after her. But not enough to help.

One crisis at a time.

When they finally reach the bedroom, Armin pauses outside the door. He breathes deeply as he hesitates, psyching himself up. But Mikasa has grown impatient and she simply bursts the door open and strides into the room resolutely, “Eren.”

Eren was sitting on his bed contemplatively rubbing something in his hands. He shoots to his feet and Mikasa catches a flash of bronze before he quickly stashes whatever it was away in his pocket, “Mikasa!”

He catches sight of Armin lingering in the doorway, “Armin?”

Armin straightens his back and enters the room with his jaw set determinedly, “Well now that we know who everyone is.”

Eren doesn’t look like he knows how to react, giving a small confused laugh, eyes flicking between Mikasa and Armin. There is an awkward silence and Mikasa elbows Armin.

“ _Jesus_ woman,” Armin complains, rubbing his arm and glaring at Mikasa. She threatens to do it again and he flinches back, “I got it! _I got it_.”

Mikasa folds her arms and he sighs, raising his eyes to finally meet Eren’s. “I’m- I’m sorry, Eren. I lashed out at you and I’m sorry. I just – I’ve been so – I don’t-”

Mikasa grips Armin’s shoulder and when he turns to her, she nods for him to continue, silently offering her support. He breathes in deeply and starts again, “It’s just so complicated. I don’t know what to say. I can’t tell you everything that’s bothering me right now… but I can say that lately I’ve been feeling so… useless. Even worse than since I last time talked to you about it. I feel like I’ve been useless this entire time. Like I’ve been relying on you since the beginning, hiding behind you – the both of you. I feel like I’m not my own person and that I’ve structured my whole life and personality around you two. It’s like I don’t know who I really am if I’m not next to you. I want to become my own person – someone that even I can see. But it’s hard to do that when I’m stuck in a trio.”

Eren makes a choked sound, panic crossing his features, and Mikasa tightens her grip on Armin’s shoulder.

“I’m not saying that I want to cut you out of my life completely!” Armin corrects quickly, hand twitching forward slightly. _As if subconsciously reaching out to Eren_ , Mikasa thinks. “I mean I just need some space right now.”

She then sees Eren’s expression change.

_Oh god, Eren don’t-_

Eren drops his head, bottom lip wobbling, “Are you breaking up with me?”

Armin takes in a quick shocked breath and Mikasa wants to slap Eren. Armin shrugs off her hand and steps towards Eren. Mikasa tenses, ready to step in if Armin starts yelling or tries to hit Eren him.

“Eren,” Armin says seriously, his hand now on Eren’s shoulder, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Eren sniffs loudly, wiping his eyes. “We can still be friends, right?” he entreats, eyes wide and hand pressed against his heart.

“You idiot,” Armin says, “Of course we’ll still be friends.”

“Oh Armin!” Eren cries, flinging his arms around him, sending them both sprawling to the floor. Armin is laughing and Mikasa releases the breath she didn’t realise that she’d been holding. Eren yelps, clutching at his rib, but he’s laughing now too.

“Armin,” he says, once he’s caught his breath, “You know I’m always here for you, right? You’re my best friend – my brother; you’re really important to me, okay?”

Mikasa flinches inwardly. _For the love of god, Eren. Please at least **try** to read the situation._

There’s a slight pause, and Eren’s eyes widen slightly making Mikasa think of an innocent puppy, waiting for a word from his owner. She watches Armin carefully, but he doesn’t snap or react like she fears he will. His eyes just become a little sad, his smile softer and more melancholy. He sighs and pulls Eren into a hug, murmuring, “I know, Eren. You’re really important to me too. You being there for me means more than you think. Thank you for… understanding, even though I can’t tell you more.”

Eren snorts, tightening his grip around Armin, “I’m an idiot, remember? I’m probably too stupid to understand anyway; forget about fixing it - no matter how much I want to. But I can just be here. And I will be – always.”

Armin just nods, pressing his face into Eren’s shoulder. Mikasa feels a weight off her shoulders seeing her family reunited. The problem isn’t fixed, not even close; but at least they can begin fixing it, together. As a family.

Eren notices Mikasa still standing and gives her a big grin. He holds one arm out, “Come on. It’s family group hug time, so you get over here.”

 _Yes_ , she thinks as she gets pulled into a hug and all their cheeks are pressed together. _Together as a family_.

~~~~~

Eren doesn’t understand. And it pisses him off. 

He wishes that it’s simply some bully that’s been picking on Armin so that he can sort them out and be done with it. But it’s not something he can fight. It’s something that Armin must fight.

But Eren would rather die than let him fight it alone.

So he smiles as he holds his family – and pretends that he does understand.

Once they unstuck all their cheeks, Armin says that he would like to go somewhere. He says it with a weird expression on his face but he smiles in relief when Eren tells him to go, have fun, and he’ll see him later.

Eren and Mikasa sit side-by-side on the floor of the bedroom after he leaves.

“Did I do it right, Mikasa?” Eren mumbles after a bit. “I can’t help feeling that there’s more I should have done.”

Mikasa looks like she’s choosing her words carefully. “I think,” she says slowly, “That you did the best you could have with the information he gave you. The rest is up to him.”

Eren mulls this over. So Mikasa knows the full story. He knows she would tell him everything if she didn’t have a good reason not to; but he can’t help feeling a bit bitter. What could Armin trust to Mikasa and not Eren?

Mikasa seems to sense Eren’s train of thought and lightly bumps his shoulder with hers, “Listen, Eren. I need you to trust me when I say that this is good and that there really is nothing more you could have done. Although you being a little shit nearly ruined everything.”

“Sorry,” he mumbles, “I’ll try to be less of a shit if it means I’ll stop fucking up. Then maybe Armin can be happy again.”

She exhales through her nose and bumps him again, this time staying leaning on his shoulder, “You know, Eren, there are a lot of people who like you just the way you are. Even when you’re a little shit.”

Eren is reminded of this afternoon, seemingly so far away:

_“…accept that there are people who like you for who you are – and that includes when you’re a little shit.”_

Similar words of comfort from two very different people.

But while Mikasa’s words make Eren feel a little better, the memory of Levi saying it is making Eren’s face heat up. As if waiting for invitation, a flood of memories of this afternoon flood Eren’s mind. Levi’s face lightly dusted with pink. Levi running his fingertips along his hipbones. Levi’s hair tickling his cheeks. Levi’s expression when he said he’d like to watch the sunset with Eren every day.

_Should my face feel this hot?_

“Eren? What’s wrong?” she says, peering into his face.

“I- um,” he stutters, glancing at Mikasa and away repeatedly, “I think I have something to tell you.”

Mikasa lifts her head from his shoulder and asks cautiously, “What is it?”

“IthinkImightbegay,” he says quickly and holds his breath as he waits for a reaction.

“Sorry? Run that by me again?” she asks in a weird voice, face curiously blank.

Eren narrows his eyes suspiciously, but repeats slower, “I think… I might be gay, Mikasa.”

“What makes you think that?”

Mikasa’s expression is starting to freak him out. He expected some kind of reaction.

He feels his cheeks heat up a little more. _Maybe Levi’s right; I am going to burst a blood vessel someday_. He mumbles, not looking at Mikasa, “I think I maybe - might like Levi. Like, I mean _like_ -like Levi. I mean- well, you know what I mean?”

Mikasa just stares at him expressionlessly for a few seconds and Eren panics that maybe she’s angry at him. _It shouldn’t be that much of a problem, right?_

Then, unexpectedly, Mikasa begins to laugh. 

It’s one of those loud cackling laughs that you can only actually do if you found something absolutely gut bustlingly hilarious. For it to have come from Mikasa… the girl who at most gave a small smile if she found something amusing. Eren is about to check her temperature or something when her laughter dies down.

She wipes tears from her eyes as she looks at Eren, “Oh, Eren. You _think_?”

“Shut up,” Eren grumbles, cheeks now hot from indignation.

Mikasa still has a little grin on her face and Eren wants to tell her that she’s much prettier when she smiles but he’s too pissed off that it was at his own expense so he decides against it.

“Eren, don’t pout.”

“I’ll do what I want.”

“Come on, don’t be like that.”

“…”

“Don’t you want to talk about Levi?”

“Do you want to talk about Annie?”

Mikasa flushes bright red and Eren smirks in triumph. It doesn’t last long though once Mikasa grabs him and pulls him into a headlock.

“Okay! Okay! Truce! We don’t talk about either of our respective people! Deal?”

“…Fine,” she huffs, releasing him at the same time he tries to pull away. He narrowly avoids smacking his head against his bedframe and she snorts.

When Mikasa eventually leaves, Armin still hasn’t returned. Eren thinks he’ll have trouble falling asleep but when his head hits the pillow, he finds himself drifting easily. His eyes grow heavier with thoughts of Levi, Mikasa, Armin, and the distant, excited sounds of what might be Sasha finding food.


	14. Dawn-lit Hope

Levi doesn’t remember falling asleep, but being plagued by the nightmares of his memories ensured that any sleep he did get was not peaceful. He almost feels relieved when he sees the beginnings of sunrise shine into his room. It’s easier to not be dragged into the darkness of his memories and guilt when he’s watching little dust motes floating playfully in the soft rays of light slowly illuminating the room.

Sunrise is delicate and innocent. It is so fleeting and so pure, chasing away the shadows of the night-time and replacing the evening chill with a soft and encouraging warmth. A warmth that Levi quite particularly liked. The sunrise is untainted by the things that could happen later in the day. It simply cleans the slate and starts each day anew.

It’s like hope.

Hope that the new day will be better than the last.

Sunrise is not a time for loudness and celebration. Sunrise is a time for quite reflection. If one is awake, that is. Years ago, Levi would always find himself awake with the sunrise. He would be happy to enjoy it alone but sometimes Isabel or Farlan would join him. They would often leave him to it, though. Sunset was to be shared. Sunrise was different for Levi.

Levi slowly gets to his feet and approaches the window. A hand rests on the windowsill as he squints at the bright sliver of light peeping over the horizon.

He stopped watching both sunsets and sunrises at the same time. 

So, why does the simple appearance of some kid in his life change that?

Why does he suddenly get the foolish notion that he’s allowed to be happy?

Levi’s hand on the windowsill clenches into a fist.

_I don’t deserve happiness._

_Why should I when I’m the reason someone’s dead?_

And Eren is going to be the same. 

_I’m no good for anyone._

_I’m going to ruin his life just like I ended theirs._

Fine. Levi will just call Erwin and go back to the Survey Corps. He can just leave. He’s not stuck here or anything. He’ll just go back to keeping only the memory of a child to inspire him. He can just forget meeting the teenager the child grew up to be. He can forget ‘Eren’ and return to being content with ‘some kid’.

_But why do I feel sick thinking about this?_

A strangled sound comes out of Levi’s mouth.

 _It’s too late, isn’t it?_ He thinks with a bitter curl to his lip.

Eren isn’t simply some kid. There’s something about him that’s kept him so present in Levi’s mind all these years. Something has made him not easily forgotten.

How do I look at him?

Eren isn’t simply some kid. He means more to Levi than that, otherwise he would have been dismissed as something unimportant long ago.

_Have I always felt this way?_

Eren is not some kid. 

Because why would Levi feel this way about ‘some kid’?

Levi raises his hand to cover his eyes and isn’t surprised to find himself crying.

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

He want to hit something. Himself, maybe. But the window is starting to look like a good target. He raises his fist, ready to feel the shards slice open his skin. Anticipating it even. He relishes the sharp tautening of his muscles as he strikes towards the glass but at the last second he freezes.

_I’m not supposed to be the one that destroys everything anymore._

Instead, he quickly unlatches the window’s clasp and slides the glass up. His body moves easily from memory after having countless times done it before, particularly in Levi’s own training days. He grips the outside protruding bit of the windows and swings himself out before darting up the preface of the wall, easily finding foot- and hand-holds to propel himself up faster. 

He reaches the edge of the building panting but the burn in his muscles is so liberatingly distracting. With one final burst of power, he swings himself to the top. He gives a satisfied grunt when his feet touch down which turns into a grunt of surprise when he crashes into something.

Some _one_.

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

Eren stumbled a little under Levi’s momentum but he manages to reach out and steady the both of them before they go tumbling to the floor together. 

“Well,” Eren huffs, massaging his rib slightly, “At least I’m not the only one continuing this trend.”

Eren smiles and laughs a little breathlessly. Shocked, Levi stands frozen in Eren’s grasp, hyperaware of the hand that is currently resting on his upper arm. Then with a violent and sudden tug he rips himself away from Eren.

“L-Levi? What’s wrong?”

_Stop looking at me like that._

And Levi gets an idea.

“None of your fucking business, brat.”

Eren looks taken aback a bit from the vehemence in Levi’s voice. Even Levi is a little surprised. But he pointedly turns away and ignores the nagging little feeling of displeasure at seeing Eren’s hurt expression.

“Well, um,” Eren mumbles awkwardly, “You know, I’m here to talk if you need me to be. I, um, don’t mind if you make it my business.”

Levi bites his lip as he looks out at the sunrise. He came here to escape from his thoughts – and now the primary object of them is here.

 _I need to end this_ , he thinks resolutely and turns to face Eren.

_I can’t let him get hurt because of me._

“You know what, brat?” Levi says as he steps closer to Eren. He stands close enough that he can see that Eren’s eyes are not just green as he originally thought but contain different shades of blue as well. Eren looks a little startled at the close proximity, looking down at Levi with wide eyes.

“W-what?” he asks hesitantly, not stepping away but his face getting rapidly redder.

_I need him to stop looking at me like that._

Levi tilts his chin back and looks Eren square in the eyes, “How about you back the fuck off?”

_I need him to hate me._

Eren’s jaw drops and Levi grabs the front of his shirt to keep him focused, “How about you leave me the fuck alone, hmm? When I say it’s none of your business, I _fucking mean it_. You’re five years too early to be of any use to me. How dare you talk to me like I’m your friend? I’m a fucking Captain in the Survey Corps, and what are you? Hmm? A fucking child not even done with training. A stupid little kid. You haven’t even started living yet. What gives you the fucking right to even think you’re on equal terms with me? I’m on a completely different fucking level to you, in a completely different league; and you think you can come here and try to be sympathetic to me? That you can _understand_? How could you _ever_ fucking understand? I’ve seen more shit – fuck, I’ve _lived through_ more shit in my life than you could ever _imagine_ in your entire lifetime. So take your sympathy and get the fuck out of my face, child.”

Levi pushes Eren away forcefully and the taller boy stumbles back. Eren’s expression is hidden by his hair as he looks down, and Levi is glad. He doesn’t want to see the result of his words. 

_I’m sorry, Eren._

He looks away. He can’t stay here. He turns to leave the roof and make the call to Erwin but is stopped with a hand to his wrist.

“Listen, kid, did you not hear _anything_ I just said-”

“No, Levi, you listen.”

_Wait, what?_

Levi feels like a startled deer. This isn’t what was supposed to happen. Eren was supposed to just back down. Eren was supposed to hate him. Eren was _not_ supposed to fight back.

He pulls frantically on Eren’s grip. _I need to get out of here._

Eren looks up and Levi stops struggling. That expression. That’s the expression that started all of this. So much determination. Levi is once again struck with that same feeling he got all those years ago. He thought Eren the Child’s resolve was moving but it is nothing compared to the fire in his eyes now. 

“You listen, Levi,” Eren repeats and tightens his grip fiercely on Levi’s wrist. Levi doesn’t even acknowledge the pain, he’s frozen under Eren’s stare. 

Eren continues, keeping eye contact, “How about _I_ back off? How dare _I_? How about _you_ take a fucking seat and listen to what _I_ have to say? I’m not buying this bipolar bullshit of how we actually had a good time yesterday – and how you _actually opened up to me_ and trusted me with something that I thought was important to you; and now all of a sudden you’re throwing some major bitch fit. And how dare _you_ pull the rank card? After all those times where you told me off for being remotely formal and now you expect me to believe that you think rank matters? Don’t make me laugh; I’m not _that stupid_. You think I’m not aware of the league you’re running in compared to mine? I’m more aware than you! And you were the one who offered to train me! Or what? Was that a lie? ‘Cause I don’t believe that. I don’t believe that the guy I’ve looked up to for years, _years_ , is going to all of a sudden become some arrogant bastard who’s going to jerk me around. And so what if you’re older? So what if you’ve experienced different things than me? _Everyone’s_ had different experiences. So maybe I can’t understand. But that doesn’t mean I can’t care! That doesn’t mean that I must ignore that you are obviously suffering through something! Why can’t I be sympathetic? Why can’t I be here for you? Why are you trying to push me away? Do you think I don’t see that that is what you’re trying to do? What are you trying to protect me from, Levi? _Levi, what are you trying to protect me from?_ Answer me!”

Levi doesn’t answer. He simply resumes his efforts to get away.

“ _Levi!_ ”

“Myself, okay?!”

Eren breathes in sharply, gaze flicking between Levi’s eyes.

_Are my cheeks wet?_

“I’m trying to protect you from myself,” he repeats. _God, is my voice shaking?_

Eren still doesn’t say anything, he just loosens his grip on Levi’s wrist slightly. Levi looks down and on impulse, shifts until he’s gripping Eren’s hand in his own. He doesn’t look back up.

“I’m not _good_. Not for you, not for anyone. Everyone gets hurt because of me. Because I’m not _good_ enough. I’ve always been _bad_. When I saw you go into that house all those years ago, I wanted it. _I wanted it_. I wanted the strength you had. I wanted the _goodness_. I didn’t want to be bad anymore. That’s why I became a firefighter. Because I thought that if I did that, then maybe I could be good too. But no, the world doesn’t work like that. Just because you want to change doesn’t mean you will. So I might save people from fires, but I end up killing those close to me in the process. Isabel, Farlan,” Levi’s voice nearly breaks, “I almost even fucking killed Hanji. I could kill you, Eren. _I could kill you_. Why won’t you just let me be a dick? Why won’t you hate me? I’m not good enough for you so why won’t you let me at least protect you from myself?”

As Levi speaks the last words, he is suddenly made aware of how close Eren has moved to him while he was speaking – and how hard Levi is gripping his hand.

“Hey,” Eren whispers after a moment and Levi reluctantly lifts his head. Eren’s gaze is softer now, the fiery heat of his anger now settled into a comforting warmth. Levi blinks rapidly to try and get rid of the tears blurring his vision. _How embarrassing_ , he thinks, _twenty three and blubbering like a child. Who’s really the kid here?_

“You know,” Eren murmurs and his smile is actually warmer than the expression in his eyes. _Now that’s hardly fair_. “I am perfectly capable of running away from my own problems, thank you very much. And don’t you think I should be the one deciding whether you’re good enough for me or not? I think it’s very unfair of you to be deciding all of this on your own. I thought that I showed you yesterday that you don’t have to be alone, that we’re in this together. Like a team, right?”

_“Then you just decide on your own to be a firefighter? I thought we were in this together, Levi. There was no teamwork in this, just you acting on your own without thinking about me – or Isabel.”_

Levi swallows thickly. Is that what he’s been doing all this time? Acting on his own? Is that what he’s been doing wrong?

“You can trust me, Levi. Even if I am a kid, that doesn’t stop me from being your friend, okay?”

_If I trust you, if I start trusting others, does that mean I can start trusting myself?_

Levi makes a gross hiccupping sound that makes him want to crawl into a hole and die, and Eren’s smile gets wider. He reaches into his back pocket and brings out a tissue. He holds it out and Levi takes it with a huff, releasing Eren’s hand to wipe at his face properly. 

_How disgusting._

When his face is clean to his satisfaction, he finds that Eren has turned away to face the sun that has by now risen quite a ways up.

“Thank you,” Levi mutters, relieved that his voice is steadier.

Eren glances back and Levi notes that his cheeks are a little red, “Don’t mention it.”

Levi clears his throat and moves forward until he’s standing next to Eren facing the sun. He folds his arms across his chest and straightens his shoulders in an attempt to regain some composure, “So, what brings you up here this early in the morning?”

Eren gives Levi a look. Levi stares stubbornly back. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Eren, it’s just that right now he really doesn’t feel like he’s ready to talk about it. Eren’s gaze examines his expression and Levi sets his jaw. After a few moments, Eren seems to come to a decision and looks away again.

“I couldn’t sleep. I had a lot of shit on my mind. So eventually I just decided to come up here.”

Levi remembers the conversation he overheard last night with that boy and girl – Armin and Mikasa – and wonders if maybe something happened. Maybe that Armin kid confronted Eren? He chooses not to ask though. If Eren lets him keep quiet then he’ll return the favour.

“It’s always been my favourite place to escape to,” Eren continues as he glances at Levi from the corner of his eye. He smirks slightly, “I was innocently enjoying the sunrise until I heard some noise on the side of the building. So, naturally, I went to check it out and was ambushed by _someone_.”

“How terrible,” Levi says flatly, refusing to let his mouth twitch into a smile. “It sounds like you barely got away with your life.”

Eren grins, “Nah, the guy was too short to be very threatening.”

“Oh, really?” Levi says and punches Eren in the arm, making him yelp, “Don’t judge on size if you can’t even take a punch, you pipsqueak.”

Eren laughs and makes an exaggerated wink, “But size matters, doesn’t it?”

Levi snorts, “It’s not the size that counts, it’s how you use it.”

“Glad you cleared that up for me,” Eren laughs again and Levi decides he likes the sound of Eren’s laugh very much. 

_Are we- are we flirting?_ Levi thinks as Eren sits down on the edge of the building.

“I thought I was the only one that made a habit of climbing the outside wall,” Eren muses, swaying his legs slightly as he looks down.

_But… that’s okay, isn’t it?_

Levi sits next to Eren, “Nah, you’re not that cool. You didn’t think up such a fun way of getting around all on your own.”

“Ha! Well, at least I got a cool nickname out of it! The Suicidal Squirrel! Much better than Humanity’s Strongest,” Eren grins and elbows Levi playfully.

“Don’t be stupid. Humanity’s Strongest isn’t my only nickname. I had a much cooler one when I was a trainee.”

“Really? What was it? The Really-Scary-Short-Dude-With-A-Billion-Abs?”

“You know it would be really easy to push you off the edge right now.”

“I’d only take you with me.”

“Someone’s going to survive the fall and it’s not going to be the fucking Squirrel-With-A-Bruised-Rib.”

“Fine! Fine! So, then what was it?” Eren asks, lifting his hands in surrender but still smiling widely.

Levi pauses for dramatic effect, “The Black Crow. Cause when I climbed walls, I did it so quickly that it looked like something black was flying upwards.”

Eren is silent for a moment, then he says flatly, “Lame.”

Levi snorts, “It was a joke.”

“It better have been. I was just about to feel sorry for you. The Really-Scary-Short-Dude-With-A-Billion-Abs would have actually been cooler.”

“Well, I’m so sorry, not all of us could have been named after some rat with a bushy tail with death-seeking tendencies.”

“A squirrel is not a rat.”

“They have fur and they’re dirty. They’re fucking rats to me.”

“You’re just jealous because some species of squirrel are probably bigger than you.”

“Seriously, I can and will push you off. People will believe me when I say you fell.”

“Yeah, if I tripped over you.”

“Okay, come here. I’m not pushing you, I’m fucking throwing you.”

~~~~~

Two weeks pass and Eren’s life settles into a comfortable routine. He normally dicks around until afternoon, bothering people not in training or sneaking into training to bother them there. When he gets bored or gets kicked out, he heads to the roof of the building. Levi joins him after escaping training himself and they spend time together until after sunset.

They haven’t spoken more about what was originally bothering Levi. Eren doesn’t want to push it. He’s just relieved that Levi has stopped trying to push him away. He hasn’t said anything about liking Levi yet either, much to Mikasa’s irritation.

“Seriously, Eren, would you please just suck it up and confess to him?” she’d say each night at dinner.

“I’m waiting for the right time, okay?” Eren would always respond causing Mikasa to sigh loudly and Annie to snort.

The three of them still eat dinner together as usual. They don’t mention Armin’s absence. They pretend that they don’t glance over to where he’s sitting for that night. They don’t comment on how much more animated he’s become sitting with different groups of people.

They also don’t mention how much more quiet Eren’s become at dinner.

When not peeking at Armin, Eren often finds himself glancing over at Levi sitting at the instructor’s table. Levi retains his resting bitch face even with the other adults which Eren finds quite impressive. But Eren notices that even Levi’s expression softens ever so slightly when interacting with Hanji. It’s hard for anyone to not like her eccentricity.

Sometimes, as Eren peeps over his shoulder at Levi; Levi’s eyes will flick upwards to meet his gaze. Eren never manages to look away immediately, always keeping eye contact until either Levi’s attention is called elsewhere or Annie tells him to stop looking like a lonely puppy.

Eren’s relationship status has become the target of both females. And it is not pleasant.

One afternoon after lazing about in his room, Eren deems himself bored enough to head to the roof, despite it being earlier than he and Levi’s usual meeting time. He runs up the stairs, and his rib doesn’t protest too much. Maybe he should visit the infirmary and ask if he’s ready for training yet.

He reaches the door leading to the roof and pauses gripping the handle. He fights to reduce his huge grin into a slightly more sane expression but he suspects that he hasn’t succeeded. He takes a big breath before open the door with a shove.

“Hey, Levi! You-”

Wait, what? 

“What. The. Actual. Fuck?”


	15. Half-way Point

“What. The. Actual. Fuck?”

~~~~~

_Sometime earlier._

Levi meets the delivery guy at the entrance to Trost Building and is simultaneously offended and unsurprised that he has to set up the damn thing himself – not to mention carry it up all the way to the fucking roof.

After pulling it through only the office area, he realises the task might be more difficult then he originally thought.

 _Why the fuck do we not have an elevator?_ He thinks with a frustrated groan. 

Then he gets an idea.

He peeps into the training room and calls out, “Hey, I need one of the little shits to do something for me.”

Shadis only glances at him before returning to what seems to be getting Hanji off the training equipment. The bespectacled freak is hanging upside down off various things asking trainees awkward questions and trying to distract them. None of the other instructors seem particularly bothered by Levi’s absence from training or his attempt to steal one of the children – them being well aware that he was not particularly enthusiastic to ‘wasting his fucking time with a bunch of little shits’ and that even if he did steal a child, he’d likely return it in good condition soon after tiring of it. 

Probably.

The trainees look up from their exercises, most wearing varying expressions of fear and the other few apathetically glancing at him before returning to training. Levi squints – trying to remember which ones to frighten later before he hears a voice speak up.

“I can help if you need me, Captain.”

Levi looks towards the speaker and feels his eyes narrow a little more as he recognises him. 

Armin Arlert.

Levi sought out the holder of the name ‘Armin’ when he went to training the day after his and Eren’s… heart to heart on the roof. He didn’t even deny that he was more than a little curious – and worried – to see if this Armin had spoken to Eren about his hidden feelings. He was a little unimpressed as he analysed the blonde during a training session – the boy not having any particular talents or strengths – and he found himself agreeing slightly, albeit a little guiltily, with Armin’s insecurities.

Then he overheard another conversation while the trainees were on water break. 

At first Levi thought he might have been misinterpreting the situation but with further observation found it to be true.

Armin is an utter genius at psychological manipulation.

The boy can easily alter his personality and steer conversations in such a way that he will gain favour from whomever he speaks to - effectively making it near impossible for his fellow trainees (and even instructors) to dislike him. 

Levi’s consequent feelings toward the boy have been ones of unease – and if he’s honest with himself – something very akin to fear.

He can’t read Armin’s true nature and can’t measure the extent of his skill – and it scares him. Levi truly thinks that if this boy wants to, is malicious or ambitious enough, he can ruin someone’s life. The fact that they both have feelings for the same guy makes Levi sick to the stomach with fear. Levi has over the last two weeks been coming to terms with his feelings for Eren – although he still doesn’t fully understand the extent of those either. It’s easy enough for him to fuck things up on his own – add a psychological mastermind to the mix and his chances are looking pretty slim.

“Sir?”

Levi blinks, pulling himself back into the present, “Um, yes, uh, you’ll be fine.”

Armin quickly wipes himself off with a towel and looks over his shoulder before following Levi out into the hall. Levi follows his gaze and sees the guy with two-toned hair that beat up Eren looking at Armin.

Jean Kirchstein.

Another face Levi made sure to remember.

Levi glances between the two boys. Armin’s face is an inscrutable mask that could have rivalled Levi’s own - but Jean’s face is easier to read. His eyebrows are drawn together and his lips form a tight line.

He looks like he asking Armin not to do something.

A knot settles in Levi’s stomach but he allows Armin to follow him into the office area and grab the other end of the package. Going up the stairs with two people is a lot easier but Levi can’t shake the feelings of discomfort and worry.

 _This is ridiculous,_ Levi thinks. _He’s a kid. What the fuck am I afraid of?_

But Armin’s mask isn’t slipping and Levi feels as though his own has already dissolved.

They make it to the roof without Levi snapping and they set down the package. Levi squints at the sunlight and raises a hand to shade his eyes.

“Do you need help setting up, sir?” Amin asks in a measured tone.

_Am I just being paranoid? He’s harmless._

_Right?_

But he can’t think of a good reason to reject his help so he only nods.

When it’s done, there is a huge patch of shade on the roof that was previously flooded in sunlight. 

“An umbrella, sir?” Armin inquires, a little confusion colouring his voice. The human emotion eases Levi a little.

_See? I’m freaking out about nothing._

“Uh, yes, I spend a lot of time up here and it gets too hot for my liking,” Levi responds. He glances at the boy and the anxiety returns tenfold when he sees that Armin’s eyes are slightly narrowed.

_Fuck._

_Of course he knows Eren spends a lot of time up here a lot too._

_That we spend a lot of time up here together._

Levi fights to keep his expression neutral.

_Why am I even freaking out? I’m doing nothing wrong._

He walks to the edge of the building and looks down. He hopes his shoulders don’t look as tense as they feel.

Armin walks to the edge as well and folds his arms across his chest. His composure seems to be suffering too, Levi notices.

“Nice view, isn’t it?” Armin asks but it sounds more like a statement. His voice is flat and Levi can tell that this is only an opening before something is going to happen.

He clenches his jaw.

_I have done nothing wrong._

_I have nothing to be afraid of._

“This just shows how different our perspectives are. I was just thinking it would be a good height to jump from.”

Armin doesn’t laugh and Levi doesn’t expect him to. 

_There are better things to be afraid of._

Levi waits for Armin to say whatever he felt was necessary to be alone with Levi to say.

_I’m not as simple an opponent as you think._

Levi isn’t going to cave and ask what’s wrong. He’s not going to play his game.

_And if we’re fighting for Eren, I’m not going to lose._

He can feel Armin studying him from the corner of his eye. He senses Armin come to the conclusion that his manipulation would need to get an upgrade in order to blindside Levi.

“Eren comes up here a lot too,” Armin says almost conversationally, if it’s possible for someone to ignore the blatant tension underlying his words. Levi feels as though they’re playing a game of chess. Each making moves and waiting for the other to fuck up.

“He does, doesn’t he?” Levi responds with same casual tone, “I didn’t think you would notice anything he does. You guys aren’t friends anymore, right?” _A low blow but very enlightening,_ Levi thinks when he notices Armin eye twitch slightly.

“I’m still closer to him than you think. Looks like you don’t know as much about him as you think you do.”

Levi wonders if Armin can see the faint tremor that is spreading from Levi’s hands. 

“That’s funny, I don’t remember blatantly ignoring someone to be classified as being close to them.”

“You wouldn’t. I doubt you know the true meaning of what being close to someone is.”

Levi’s lip curls bitterly but Armin continues before he can respond, “Do you not have anyone your age to hang around with? Or do you just make it a habit of lusting after minors?”

_Check._

Levi was right. Armin hasn’t given up on Eren. And he’s using all manners of underhanded methods to discourage him from pursuing Eren.

But this doesn’t make Levi back down, which seems to be Armin’s goal. In fact, Levi sets his jaw indignantly and turns to face Armin with a rush of determination urging him forward.

_I’m not going to lose to an irritating little child._

“No, but I do make a habit of not being a dick to those who are close to me.”

Armin balks slightly and Levi feels himself smirk slightly.

_Check._

“Also, I have this thing of knowing when to back off when people aren’t interested in me. Maybe I can teach it to you sometime. Looks like it’s a skill you need.”

Armin opens and closes his mouth, speechless.

_Checkmate, bitch._

“Right, so now that we have that established, shouldn’t children be in training right now? Off you go. I have other more interesting things to deal with.”

Armin narrows his eyes, mask completely discarded. Levi raises an eyebrow.

_Oh, now you’re showing your true colours. This is getting interesting._

Armin steps forward and grabs the front of Levi’s shirt, pulling their faces close together. Levi is a little shocked, not having thought Armin to be particularly aggressive before.

“You don’t deserve Eren,” Armin hisses.

“Well, if you’re going to be such a dick to him then apparently you don’t deserve him either,” Levi snaps and pushes Armin away. Armin loses his footing and begins to fall but manages to keep a hold on Levi’s shirt and pull him down with him. 

Armin takes advantage of his surprise and rolls Levi underneath him, “You two don’t even know anything about each other. We’ve been best friends for _years_. You’re not good enough for him. Just give up and leave him alone!”

“Wow, you must know your ‘friend’ less than you thought if you think that stubborn brat is going to give up on _me_ ,” Levi says and Armin looks peeved - like he already knew this. Levi then grabs each of Armin’s shoulders and twists until they’ve reversed positions, Levi ending up with his arms and legs propping him up on either side of Armin. He grabs Armin shirt with one hand and pulls him upwards so their faces are closer. 

“Maybe we should let Eren decide for himself if I’m good enough or not,” Levi says with a smirk, remembering how the brat said those exact words to convince Levi two weeks ago.

Armin’s face has gone red - whether from humiliation or anger, Levi doesn’t know. And he’s rapidly starting to not care.

Levi hears the sound of the door opening and moves to get up. But Armin grabs his neck and pulls him back down, forcing their lips to connect.

“Hey, Levi! You-”

_Eren._

Levi tries to pull away but Armin is holding him tightly.

“What. The. Actual. Fuck?”

With a mighty tug, Levi pulls away, landing on his ass from the momentum. He takes a hand and drags it across his mouth.

_Tch, how disgusting._

“What? Never seen an umbrella before?” Levi asks, still wiping his mouth. He waits for Eren to tell Armin off. _Holy shit, did that kid just give me all of his spit supply or something?_

“Levi, you know that is not what I’m talking about. Though, yes, why is there an umbrella – no wait – don’t distract me, I want answers!”

_Wait, why’s he getting pissy at **me**?_

“Your so called ‘friend’ over there decided to pull me in for a smooch just as you came and now I’m trying to wipe his fucking saliva off of me.”

Eren doesn’t look convinced. _But, it’s the truth isn’t it?_

In fact, Levi would also like to know the reason for the sudden kiss. He turns to Armin to get the child to explain his side of the story and his jaw drops open. Armin is still lying on the floor but his hand is clutching his shirt which has some of its buttons torn open. His hair is mussed and his wide eyes are honest-to-god tearing up.

_Oh, you sly little bastard._

“Don’t lie there looking like you’re the victim here,” Levi snarls and Armin actually whimpers before trying to shuffle away. Eren hurries over and helps Armin to his feet, brushing him off. Armin has the nerve to fling his arms around Eren and make pathetic sobbing sounds. Armin looks at Levi over Eren’s shoulder and mouths “ _Checkmate_ ” before bawling again.

Levi can’t believe this is happening, “You fucking little _shit_.”

“Levi,” Eren says warningly. “I’m going to take Armin downstairs and make sure he’s okay and when I get back, you and I are going to have a talk.”

“No, what the fuck? I’m-”

“When I come back, you better be here,” Eren says measuredly, as if trying to keep in control, and then leads Armin away.

Levi sits in shock.

_No fucking way._

So Levi sits and waits under the umbrella like the scolded boy he feels like. He desperately tries to think of something that would convince Eren that his friend is some kind of conniving high school girl with a grudge against him.

He gets less time to rack his brain than he thought because there Eren is again, striding toward him across the roof. He stops at the edge of the umbrella, just out of the shade. To Levi, the border between the shade and the sun seems impossible to cross. Levi desperately wants Eren to sit down, to look at him. 

“Listen, Eren, it wasn’t what it looked like.”

_Oh for the love of god. That was fucking original wasn’t it?_

“Why did you bring an umbrella up here?” Eren asks calmly, studying the umbrella that is slightly above his eye line and completely ignoring his pathetic excuse. Levi’s grateful for this but how else is he going to apologise?

_Even though it wasn’t my fucking fault._

Levi swallows, unsure of where Eren was going with this subject change. Eren’s eyes are still not meeting his and Levi can’t read his expression.

“I, um,” Levi decides to answer honestly, “The, uh, sun was starting to get too hot for me. I put up the umbrella so that I could spend more time up here… with you.”

Eren’s eyes finally snap towards him and read his face as if measuring the truthfulness in his words. There’s an awkward silence and Levi decides to add, “I mean, you can just lie in the sun all day like some fucking lizard but I’m pale for a reason and I need me some shade.”

Eren actually laughs a little at that and Levi feels the tightness in his chest ease a bit. Eren goes to sit on the edge of the roof in the sun and Levi shuffles to sit next to him, only in the shade.

The boy releases a large sigh and says, “I’m still angry at you though.”

“I don’t see why the fuck you should be angry since it. Wasn’t. My. Fault. The fucking child forced himself on _me_.”

Eren regards him seriously, “Armin says the exact opposite.”

Levi feels like he’s not getting enough oxygen, “And now you need to decide which one of us you believe.”

Eren nods solemnly. 

_Please._

_Please let it be me._

“What I don’t get is,” Eren starts and Levi feels like he’s stopped breathing all together, “What do either of you gain by saying that you were forced.”

Levi tries to interrupt – _Obviously, he’s in love with you and he’s trying to make me seem like the bad guy so he can have you all to himself_ – but Eren gives him a look which Levi finds himself surprisingly obeying and remaining quiet.

“So, I’m willing to believe that it was an accident. That you guys ended up kissing like that, both thinking the other started it. Got it?”

Levi bites his tongue. It sounds fair. If he tries to argue his case even more, he might come off as sounding defensive – and guilty.

Eren notices his agreement – albeit a reluctant one – and turns away. Swinging his legs off the edge of the building like some major stereotypical misunderstanding hadn’t just occurred.

Levi then suddenly remembers something Armin said.

_“You two don’t even know anything about each other. We’ve been best friends for **years**.”_

“Hey, um,” Levi starts, “I just, uh…”

“What is it?” Eren asks, looking at Levi with curious eyes that don’t look like they were angry just a short time ago.

Levi scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, “I, um, was thinking. I haven’t really told you much of… my past.” He hesitates and Eren leans forward interestedly, much like when he told him of how he, Isabel and Farlan had watched sunsets together. 

_I can trust him with this._

“It’s… kind of difficult to talk about though. So some stuff… I won’t be able to say.”

_Why do you always look so understanding?_

“I’m… dangerous,” he starts and smiles tiredly when Eren cocks his head in confusion. 

“When I was really young, I was abandoned my parents. I don’t even remember who they are actually,” Eren makes a soft sound of sympathy but Levi waves it off. 

“All I remember was being so cold. _So_ cold. Then… I was taken in by… a man,” Levi doesn’t know why but he feels the urge to keep Kenny’s name out of it. Like if he says his name, it would summon him to the spot.

“This man… he raised me. The place where we lived with his whole group was cold – both literally and figuratively… so I got used to both. He wasn’t like a father. Fuck no, not like a father. More like an owner. I was his property. And he trained me so that I would be his most valuable asset. This man, he was involved in some… dangerous things which meant that I was involved too. I was known as his Guard Dog. I got my hands dirty when he didn’t want to. There was no loyalty with the group he created. No kindness because that was considered weakness. No warmth.” 

Levi pauses and glances at Eren to gauge his reaction. In those eyes, there was no fear or disgust or pity just a seriousness as he tries to understand everything Levi says. Levi swallows and looks away again.

“I became his most dangerous tool. A weapon he forged himself. So when I picked up Isabel and Farlan, I made them into weapons too. We were all dangerous. Myself more than the rest. But I knew that I couldn’t protect Isabel and Farlan from them forever so we ran. Which somehow wound us up firefighting.”

Levi laughs derisively but decides not to go any further. He’s almost surprised when he hears Eren speak softly, “Is that what you meant when you said that you were bad?”

Levi pauses before nodding slowly.

“You know, I believe that good people can be involved in bad things and situations and could do bad things but they’re still good inside. So, you’re dangerous. Okay. But you can use the strength behind that for good, which you’ve done. So you’ve never been a bad person. Well, at least I don’t think so.”

Levi nods again, even slower.

_I’ve never been a bad person?_

Eren leans back, propping himself up with his arms to his sides, “Do you want to tell me about Isabel and Farlan?”

A blackened warehouse. Ash everywhere. Suffocating silence. Thick, tangible tension.

“N-No!” Levi chokes out, shaking violently.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, don’t worry about it,” Eren says soothingly, moving closer.

_Is he… is he rubbing my back?_

But it feels so nice that Levi doesn’t tell him to stop. Levi tries to stifle the disappointment he feels when Eren eventually pulls away. 

“This umbrella’s no fun,” Eren laughs, “It’s too cool under the shade for me.”

Levi feels the corners of his lips tilt upwards, “Well deal with it, you big baby, cause I’m not going out into that sun now that I’ve got this beauty.”

Eren blushes and Levi looks at him curiously.

_What the fuck is this kid up to now?_

“Well,” Eren says hesitantly, “Then how about we meet… halfway?”

_Meet halfway? What does he mean?_

Eren reaches over and Levi swears there’s a little tremor in his fingers. He takes one of Levi’s hands and entwines their fingers together. Their hands rest on the border between the sun and shade – Levi’s being in the sun and Eren in the shade. A compromise. He looks up at Eren and sees that yes he is definitely blushing.

Levi smiles a little more. _It’s a start._

His gaze lingers on Eren even as the boy resolutely looks out over the view, ears rapidly turning red as well.

Levi wonders if one day their lips could meet halfway too. 

Half sun, half shade. 

Half light, half dark.


	16. Public Dismissal

It’s with great reluctance that Eren pulls his hand away from Levi after the sun has set. But Levi seems to sense Eren’s confliction and shoos him off to dinner. Eren smiles one last time at Levi before closing the door behind him. 

Despite his best attempts to appear as if everything were normal; Eren’s thoughts have been spinning relentlessly throughout the afternoon. 

_What the actual fuck is going on?_

What he said before is true; he is willing to believe that it must have been an accident that Levi and Armin ended up kissing but then what is this sickening feeling in his gut?

_Is it possible that it wasn’t an accident?_

Eren violently shakes his head, causing him to nearly lose his balance on the stairwell. 

_That’s impossible. What reason would either one of them have to lie?_

Eren’s stomach remains unsettled even when he visits the infirmary and receives the go ahead to return to training in a few days. News he’s been anxiously awaiting now doesn’t make him feel any better, in fact making him feel worse as he now has one more thing to get anxious over.

Even though he doesn’t feel like he can stomach any food, Eren goes to the Dining Hall. He hopes to see Armin there. He doesn’t want to believe that it was anything other than an accident.

His stomach tightens even more.

As he enters the room, only a few people glance at his late entrance but quickly dismiss him. Mikasa’s eyes stay locked on him and he tries to smile faintly at her. She looks ready to get up and come to him but Annie holds her down firmly and says something in her ear. Mikasa’s eyes flicker to Eren again but he’s already found the person he’d been looking for.

“Armin,” he says, but it comes out more like a mumble. Armin and his two tablemates for the day – Freckled Jesus and Horseface – abruptly stop in the laughing fit they’re having. It looks like Armin was telling the two a story.

“What do _you_ want, Jaeger?” Jean growls, “Seeing you is spoiling my appetite.”

“Hey, now,” Marco says, patting his arm gently, “It’s just Eren, no need to be rude.”

Jean grumbles but Eren notices that he calms down at Marco’s words. He also notices how long Marco’s hand lingers and how close the two are sitting together. He ignores it though in favour of turning to face Armin who is sitting across the table.

“Are… you, um, okay?” Eren gets out, unsure of what to say in front of others.

Armin’s expression is one that can best be described as polite, “… Um yes? I feel perfectly fine. Are you feeling okay, Eren? Why are you here?”

Eren recoils, stung by the tone in Armin’s voice. He feels Jean and Marco watching him closely as he stammers out, “I- I was just- I wanted to make sure you were, um, okay.”

Armin raises an eyebrow, looking unimpressed, “Well, as I just said, I’m perfectly fine so if you don’t mind, Eren, you interrupted our conversation.”

The combination of both the flat out rejection and the pure confusion at the situation sends Eren stumbling back accidentally into the table behind him.

“Yo, what the fuck, man?!” Connie grumbles, trying to wipe off some food that spilt on his shirt. Sasha takes the opportunity to grab something off his plate and he isn’t quick enough to snatch it back.

Eren feels dizzy, like he’s going to pass out.

_This can’t be happening. I must be imagining it._

“What’s wrong with you?” Eren whispers, clutching Connie and Sasha’s table for support. His voice comes out embarrassingly raspy, as if he’s about to cry. He can feel more and more of the surrounding eyes move to him but can’t move his own gaze from Armin’s face. He’s never seen such a cold expression on his face in all the years of knowing him. Who is this person?

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with _you_ , Eren? Don’t you think it’s a little rude interrupting a conversation and then assuming something’s wrong with _me_? What’s up with that high-and-mighty attitude? Just because you’re Captain Levi’s new favourite pet doesn’t mean you can look down on the rest of us.”

Eren can’t breathe. His heart beats pumps in his ears but he wishes it would drown out the sound of whispers from most of the cafeteria who had turned their attention from their meals to the drama unfolding.

“He _has_ been spending a lot of time with the Captain.”

“Wasn’t one of his ribs broken or something? He looks fine to me. Has he been lying?”

“Why is he harassing Armin now?”

“Yeah, what’s up with him?”

“Is he getting special treatment?”

“I knew it.”

Eren feels a shove on his back.

“Dude,” Connie scowls and then averts his eyes, “Get off my table.”

Eren stumbles away and sees even Sasha isn’t looking at him. The more faces he looks at, the more blurred they become in the repetitive expressions.

Disapproval.

Disgust.

Dislike.

Dismissal.

_I need to leave._

Eren barely keeps himself from sprinting out the cafeteria. He vaguely registers that Annie is having an increasingly hard time holding Mikasa down.

_Just don’t fucking **cry **, Eren.****_ He tells himself, even as he feels his cheeks redden and eyes moisten from sheer humiliation.

And then he bumps into Levi.

Levi reaches out on instinct and catches Eren by the shoulder to prevent him from stumbling back.

“Eren? Hey, what’s wrong with you? Are you okay?”

There are grumbles from Eren’s still watching audience and he feels like vomiting.

_“What’s wrong with you?”_

_“Are you okay?”_

Two innocent questions.

_Two questions that can make everyone hate me._

A beat passes with neither of them reacting and Levi’s hand not moving from Eren’s shoulder.

_But not you. I’m not taking you down with me._

Eren slaps Levi’s hand away and tries to ignore the flash of surprise across Levi’s face. 

“Don’t fucking touch me,” Eren snaps, looking straight at him.

Levi’s expression crumples from hurt and shock and Eren desperately wants to take it back.

“Just leave me alone,” he says and shoulders past Levi roughly, almost unbalancing the stunned man.

_They already hate me._

_I don’t want them to hate you too._

~~~~~

Annie and Mikasa come by his room later in the evening. Mikasa still looks furious but is at least calmer. Eren thinks that maybe Annie tried to make her think more rationally before coming to see him.

He learns from them that Armin has already officially moved out from the double-room. The office already allocated him a new room on the third floor, adjacent to Marco’s.

The news stings, but the pain disappears into the numbness that’s rapidly consuming him.

Of course, the image of a cafeteria full of his fellow trainees – friends – glaring at him keeps rising up to torment him, but why is it the memory of Levi’s wounded expression the one that haunts him the most?

_It was for the best_ , Eren thinks gloomily, _I can’t drag him down with me._

The girls eventually turn to leave, faced with Eren’s stubbornness to respond to anything they say. Annie waits for Mikasa to leave but pauses to mutter something to Eren.

“Go apologise to him.”

Eren’s head snaps up.

Why should he apologise? Armin was the one who humiliated him in front of everyone!

“No. Not Armin.” She says, guessing his thoughts, before briskly exiting.

Oh.

Eren almost smiles.

Is he that transparent?

But he doesn’t move, fear and humiliation preventing him from mustering up the courage.

That night he falls asleep restlessly; the empty room now having a different meaning for him, and Levi’s face haunting his dreams.

~~~~~

“Alright, you brats, the exercise today is not in fact a practice session but actually most of your Evaluation. Surprise.”

Levi glares flatly at the assembled trainees in front of him as they grumble and cry out in shock, complaining that they should have been given more time and that it wasn’t fair.

“Oi. Shut the fuck up. Life isn’t fair. Grow the fuck up and get used to it,” he spits, earning a few disapproving stares from the other instructors but he ignored them. Levi has been in a spectacularly bad mood for the past three days but no one has dared to confront him about it. Only Hanji hasn’t been cautiously avoiding him.

“Yes, Captain Levi,” the trainees mutter, saluting half-heartedly, brows already drawn into worried creases as they stress over what the exercise entails.

“Right. Now that you’ve all stopped whining-” he starts but the doors to the Training Room are then suddenly flung open.

“Sorry I’m late!” a voice calls out and everyone turns to look at the latecomer.

Levi feels relief instead of anger. He hasn’t seen Eren at all since that night. He hasn’t known if Eren was alright, unable to approach him. He remembers their entwined fingers on the rooftop and almost smiles at the boy who is now hunched over panting from what was most likely a sprint to get to training on time.

Then he remembers what happened in the dining hall.

At first Levi thought that maybe Armin had gotten to Eren after all but after seeing the harsh expressions of the kids and the concerned faces of the instructors, he realised what happened. Armin was laughing and talking with Jean Kirchstein and Marco Bott, face composed as if the tension in the room wasn’t affecting him. The surrounding kids were muttering amongst themselves, glancing at Armin, at Levi, at Mikasa and Annie who seemed to be having a whispered argument.

_I’m gonna kill him._

And then Levi was at Armin’s table, grabbing the shithead’s collar.

A couple of students gasped and the muttering rose to a deafening drone. Some instructors looked ready to intervene.

Armin raised his eyes coolly to Levi and began to pry at the fingers gripping his shirt with a look of snobbish disgust. “May I help you, Captain Levi?”

Levi leaned in closer and murmured low enough for the outright-staring spectators not to hear.

“What the fuck did you do?”

Armin finally loosened his fingers and leaned back dramatically, “Sorry, Captain, but you’re invading my personal space and I feel very uncomfortable.”

Levi stepped forward again, noticing from the corner of his eye Hanji coming towards him. He said even lower, “Did you just attack Eren because you figured out that you’ll never win?”

Armin’s face may have seemed not to react to everyone else, but Levi was close enough to notice the slightest clenching of his jaw.

“Look, Captain,” Armin said, throwing his hands up in a defensive gesture. He spoke low enough as if they were having a conversation but his voice carried in the now silent hall, everyone watching the show. “I understand that you’ve been looking for Eren for so long but I don’t know where he is. Why don’t you just meet in his room like you usually do?”

Levi had fallen for it. He might have actually hit the fucker had Hanji not gripped his arm and begun leading him out into the hall.

_I’m gonna kill him._

So out of a fit of jealously he’d decided that if Eren wouldn’t love him, then he should be hated?

_I’m gonna kill him._

He’d convinced everyone that Eren had done something bad enough to be ostracised, and now was trying to give Levi the same treatment?

_I’m gonna kill him._

_I’m gonna kill him._

“Would you stop saying that, you fucking nutcase?” Hanji hissed, slamming Levi into a wall of one of the outside corridors.

Levi tried to pull himself out of his venomous train of thought. Hanji almost never swears. It’s weird, but Levi knows that she would only resort to it when she’s extremely angry – which is almost never.

“Levi, _snap out of it_ ,” Hanji said in his face, roughly shaking his shoulders.

“Let go of me,” Levi snapped, shaking her off. He needed to find Eren. That brat was trying to spare him? Oh fuck no. Levi was _not_ letting go that easily.

He turned to go find him and tell him exactly that, but Hanji grabbed his arm again and spun him back.

“Do you not realise how serious this is, Levi?”

“Hanji, _let go_.”

“No.”

“Hanji, I swear to god I’ll-”

“You’ll what, Levi?”

He didn’t respond.

“You’ll kill me?”

He didn’t respond.

“Levi. Let me help you.”

“… Why should I?” Levi whispered and Hanji looked taken aback as if she hadn’t expected him to actually respond.

“Because I’m your friend, Levi. I’ve always been your friend, remember?” Levi looked down, unable to meet her eyes. She continued, “Even when you kept trying to get rid of me in the beginning. Even after Isabel and Farlan.” Levi clenched his teeth. “You’ve saved my life, Levi. Please. Just let me help you.”

He didn’t respond.

“Are… are you crying?”

“Shut up, Shitty-Glasses, I’m not.”

Hanji’s mouth formed a comical ‘o’ and she abruptly grabbed and smooshed him to her.

“LET GO.”

“Not until you say you’ll let me help you.”

“Oh my god, Hanji, you’re BREATHING on me.”

“I’m gonna lick your cheek.”

“FINE, you fucking freak. Help me.”

Hanji released him and he shook himself of all her germs.

“Spill it.”

So he did. He told her how he started feeling things for Eren he shouldn’t have and how he’d tried to distance himself but it hadn’t worked. That he hadn’t wanted it to work.

When he finished, Hanji sat in contemplative silence. They’d moved to the stairwell leading to the roof for more privacy since the kids would be exiting the hall in their gossiping droves soon enough.

She sighed, “Levi… this is worse than I thought.”

Levi wanted to make a witty remark but he found that he didn’t have the energy to. His recount of everything left him more worried for Eren. 

“There were rumours of you giving special treatment to Eren – and rumours of the two of you being, well, _together_. But that’s what we all thought. That they were just rumours. I mean, _I_ even thought the two of you were just friends and I was glad you could talk to him after all these years. And you didn’t even _tell_ me that you were _gay_ by the way, so thanks for that. But the fact that it’s _true_. You can’t even deny it on a clear conscience. Also, you’ve evidently become too… _attached_ to the boy to end it.”

“I’ll leave the Survey Corps.”

“WHAT?”

“I’ll leave the Survey Corps,” Levi repeated. “That way Eren can still be a firefighter but he can’t get into any more shit because of me. And – and I can still see him, right? So I’ll just leave.”

“Leave and do what?”

Levi clears his throat.

“You’re meant to be a firefighter, Levi. What else will you do? Go back to whatever you did before? Don’t look at me like that. I’m not stupid, I can figure things out. Leaving isn’t the solution.”

“Then what can I do?” Levi asked quietly and Hanji sighed.

“Fight. I’m gonna shoot myself for saying this later but fight for him, Levi. It’s been too long since I’ve seen you happy. Fight for Eren. We’ll figure something out with the brass if it comes to it.”

“… Thank you, Hanji.”

“Ew, don’t use my name, it feels weird.”

“Go to hell, Shitty-Glasses.”

“Much better.”

Much to Levi’s surprise, Hanji actually forbade him from seeking Eren out, insisting that the boy needed to sort out his own feelings. Levi was doubtful, and still is, but he's kept his promise. He even came to training each day, though that was mainly to try and work off his frustration.

But Eren came today.

Why today of all days?

_Focus_ , Levi scolds himself. _Keep it professional._

“Oi, Jaeger, what the fuck are you doing here?” Levi snaps and Eren straightens up hastily with a salute.

“I’ve been permitted to return to training, Captain Ackerman, sir,” he says, but Levi notices that he is purposefully avoiding his gaze.

_Can my luck get any fucking worse?_

“Right. Line up, Jaeger, today is part of your Evaluation.”

Eren nods, not looking particularly surprised. When Levi and the other instructors discuss final preparations, he glances at Hanji to see that she’s not meeting his eyes either.

_Shitty glasses hasn’t realised what she’s done._

~~~~~

Eren can’t help it. The first thought that comes to mind when he arrives late to training is:

_Please don’t eat me._

He’d woken up this morning to the sound of a note being squished under his door. Rubbing his eyes, he’d blearily made out from the messy scrawls that a part of the Evaluation was today causing him to practically fly down to the Training Room.

It occurred to him to simply go down the outside of the building but the horrible thought of him slamming into a closed window in front of everyone kept him from doing it.

The run left him breathless and Eren is surprised by how unfit he’s become during his healing process.

When Levi tells him to line up, Eren swallows hard and tries his best to keep his head high despite all the stares following him. He normally would stand between Bertolt and Horse-face because of his surname but neither make space for him. Bertolt resolutely keeps his gaze ahead and Jean sneering derisively. Eren then sees Annie and Christa open up a space between them. Jean tries to trip him on his way there and the trainees snicker when Eren stumbles. 

Eren’s ears are burning when he squeezes between the two short blondes with a muffled “Thank you”. Christa gives him a small, sad smile and then turns back to the front. 

Annie tugs at his uniform to straighten it, frowning at his dirty trousers. “Wish you’d cleaned up,” she mutters, brushing more dirt off his jacket.

“Why are you doing this for me?” Eren asks quietly, noticing how some of the trainees are now giving Annie dirty looks.

Annie’s eyes glance at a spot far behind Eren in the line. “It’s not just for you.”

Eren feels grateful to Annie for more than just cleaning him up.

“Alright, everybody!” a voice calls out and Hanji steps forward from the group of instructors. “There is no need to worry! Simply act as your training has taught you and you’ll do fine.”

A high-pitched siren begins to sound. It seems to echo through the building and everyone freezes in surprise.

Hanji grins widely, “This is not a drill.”


	17. Needed Oxygen

 

And so begins the Evaluation.

 

Once the initial shock of hearing the siren wears off, some of the trainees realise that it’s signalling a fire that needs to be put out.

 

Eren, Mikasa, Annie and many of the other top trainees spring into action, the others closely following after them. They run towards the entrance to the building which would generally hold the fire engines and suits in a normal department. This is knowledge that has been drilled into their heads since the beginning of training. On arrival, they see that the office space has been converted into a makeshift ‘fire department’, complete with suits lining the walls. The suits are in groups of five with letters written above, corresponding to an instructor.

 

Shadis shouts out instructions over the chaos of running feet and confused chatter.

 

“Group H! Ackerman! Wagner! Blouse! Bott! Freudenshit!”

 

“It’s Freudenberg, sir!”

 

“Don’t care, get to Hanji! Group S! Hoover! Braun! Arlert! Lenz! Leonhart!”

 

Armin pushes past Eren roughly to get to Shadis and Eren is surprised how much force was in it.

 

_Has Armin gotten stronger?_

 

Eren feels another pointless shove from Jean at his side followed by a sneer.

 

_I guess it doesn’t matter now_.

 

Eren tunes back in to Shadis. “Group L! Kirchstein! Springer! Jaeger! Carolina! And you, what’s your surname again? Freckled-Tall-Girl!”

 

“Sir, it’s Ymir-”

 

“Don’t give a shit! Just get to Levi!”

 

Eren’s heart thumps painfully and he avoids Levi’s gaze as he runs to put on his uniform. He first gets shoved out of the way by both Jean and Ymir and is forced to take the last uniform which seems a little too small and sits uncomfortably.

 

“Hurry up, Jaeger, you’re falling behind.”

 

Eren glances up at Levi as he finishes dressing. “Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.”

 

Levi, and all the other instructors, are also done up in gear. He stands there silently, looking like he wants to say something more but then decides against it and walks ahead to where the trainees are gathering outside. Eren swallows hard and follows after him.

 

His jaw drops open. Outside the building and along the street are a series of fire trucks, letters printed on pieces of paper on the sides. Levi saunters to the ‘L’ truck where Mina, Ymir, Jean, and Connie are already beginning to mount the truck. Eren runs to join them and when he manages to get a hold, Jaen pushes him, causing him to lose his grip and have to stand at a lower and less sturdy place. Ymir smirks.

 

“Oi, you, Freckles,” Levi says, leaning out the passenger side of the front compartment.

 

Ymir frowns, “Yes, sir?”

 

“You’re the oldest out of these brats. Have your license yet?”

 

“Still my learner’s.”

 

“Close enough. Get in. You’re driving.”

 

Ymir looks surprised but listens. Eren glances around to see that Ymir is the only trainee driving. All the other instructors are in their respective driver’s seats.

 

“Jaeger.”

 

“Yes, sir!” Eren responds, snapping his attention back to Levi.

 

“Get in the middle up front here. You’re gonna fall off if you stay there and I don’t feel like scraping you off the pavement.”

 

Eren hesitates before clambering into the front. He doesn’t know what’s worse: the awkward feeling of sitting so close to Levi after not seeing for a few days after the last… eventful encounter; or having to sit next to Ymir who always seems to find some excuse to elbow or scratch Eren when turning the wheel or reaching to change gears. Eren tries to hunch into as small a ball as possible between the two as Levi directs and Ymir drives recklessly through the streets. Eren notices that the other trucks go off in different directions. Maybe to different locations?

 

Eventually, they pull to a stop outside a two-storey house on fire with hazard tape and signs along the perimeter and another fire truck waiting outside.

 

_Woah. They really went all out on this._ Eren thinks.

 

He looks closer at the fire truck with the professional looking firefighters on standby and gasps when he sees the overlapping blue and white wings of the Survey Corps’ Symbol.

 

Levi’s eyes turn to him at his intake of breath and Eren quickly hides his face in embarrassment. Ymir snorts and Eren feels his ears grow hot.

 

“Right,” Levi says, swinging out, “Let’s go, kids.”

 

Eren moves to swing out the same way Levi did, not wanting to wait for Ymir to get out, but just as he reaches for a grip, Ymir pushes him and he tumbles out and onto Levi.

 

Eren lets out a yelp that is embarrassingly high and instinctively twists to try and shield his ribs from the contact of the hard concrete. But his back instead hits the hard muscles of Levi’s arms and chest as the older man reaches out to catch him. Eren looks up startled at Levi, suddenly very aware of how Levi’s arms are wrapped around him as he leans into him like a damsel in distress. He sputters an apology and something unreadable flickers across Levi’s emotionless face before he’s released.

 

Eren’s face feels just about as hot as his ears and his heart is thumping almost out of his chest. He hears a disgusted sound from Jean and Connie and sees that even Mina is frowning at him.

 

_I’m just making this worse._

 

Levi clears his throat and walks to a position in front of the building where he faces the five of us.

 

“Right. So as you know, five is not enough for a full force of firefighters. And that is where this Survey Corps bunch is gonna help out.” Levi grimaces at one of the taller blond men amongst the Survey Corps firefighters who’s holding his helmet at his side. “They will be assisting in your mission today as well as serving as additional Evaluators. Normally there will be a Squad Leader to delegate tasks which is what I’ll be acting as today.” He points to each of us in turn, “Mina, Ymir, you two will be dousing the fire. Kirchstein, Springer and Jaeger,” he hesitates a moment but then his expression turns resolute, “You’ll be inside, rescuing the residents of this household. There are a number of mannequins that needs saving. Well? Get to it, brats! This is your Evaluation!”

 

“Yes, sir!” The five of them shout, saluting as they begin the preparations. Ymir and Mina start pulling out the hose and the Survey Corps Firefighters copy them. Jean, Eren, and Connie seal up their helmets and make sure their equipment is all in order. Once the girls and firefighters begin dousing the house, the boys begin to head in with three firefighters shadowing them. Connie enters first and Eren is just behind him before Jean shoulders him out of the way.

 

_Really, how many fucking times am I going to be pushed around today?_ Eren thinks, gritting his teeth. He’s been forcing himself not to retaliate because of the Evaluation but his temper is going to snap soon.

 

_Or now._

 

Jean thinks he’s gonna rescue more civilians and perform better today by beating Eren?

 

_We’ll see about that._

 

Eren slips his gloves off and quickly shoves them into his pocket. He then starts climbing the side of the building along the drainpipe. His Firefighter Shadow makes an audible sound of surprise, and Eren smirks.

 

_No one can climb as fast as a squirrel_.

 

He shimmies up the building and makes a leap for the window ledge. He pulls himself up on the narrow ledge, panting against his visor. Cursing his lack of fitness, he pulls his gloves back on and prepares to smash the closed window in with his elbow. He nearly falls off the ledge from surprise when he hears the loud jet of water close to him. He looks down to see Ymir grinning at him and waving a very insincere ‘sorry’ to him. Rolling his eyes, he just raises his arm and jabs his elbow into the glass with a firm, swift movement. A wave of heat rolls out from where the window shatters, the glass shards raining down onto the Shadow.

 

_Dude, seriously?_ Eren thinks, not even the slightest bit remorseful. _You should’ve moved. Not stood there like a freaking idiot._

 

_Huh, that’s something Levi would probably say,_ Eren thinks, grinning a little. Then he scolds himself, _This isn’t the time to be daydreaming, Eren!_

 

He looks around the room he’s broken into, scanning the flames for any ‘survivors’. He sees a mannequin child propped up on a chair nearby and grabs it.

 

_Children are a priority_.

 

He grips his harness and extends it to hook around the ‘child’ safely. He notes the mannequin has been weighted to be more realistic. He returns to the window and slides back down the pipe, placing the child at a safe distance away from the house. There aren’t any other mannequins yet.

 

Eren feels a burst of pride as he now enters through the front door. His Shadow finally regains his senses and heads in after him. Eren heads in and sees Connie heading out carrying what looks to be another child mannequin. Jean is pulling a man out of another room. Eren ducks out of their way. In passing, Connie mutters to him, “We can’t find another one.”

 

Eren stops and forces himself to think. There can’t only be three. It just doesn’t feel right.

 

_Where would another mannequin be hidden?_

 

Wait. That’s exactly what the instructors would _want_ them to think.

 

It’s not where a mannequin would be _hidden_ but rather where another _person would hide in the event of a fire._

 

Acting on instinct, Eren sprints up the stairs, nearly falling when a couple of burning floorboards give way. He opens doors until he finds another bedroom. Flames cover the furniture but Eren makes a beeline for the cupboard. He wrenches the jammed door open and could have almost smiled. Posed as if it were holding its knees to its body, is a female mannequin. He lifts it, carrying it almost bridal style. By now, the top floor of the house is filled with smoke. Eren quickly whips out a scrap of cloth under his jacket and ties it around ‘her’ mouth.

 

_Better than nothing._

 

He carries her downstairs, trying to shield her as much as he can from the flames. He’s in the entry hallway, the front door in sight when something from the kitchen catches his eye.

 

He freezes.

 

“Eren!” Connie shouts from the doorway. “What the hell are you doing, man? That’s the fourth one! We’re done!”

 

Eren doesn’t respond, only shoves the female mannequin into Connie’s arms and then sprints back to the kitchen; almost pushing his Shadow over in the process.

 

He pushes into the kitchen almost blindly, stumbling over the fallen debris and breathing heavily against his visor from the smoke. He shoves it up and out of the way.

 

There, lying trapped under a fallen beam, arm outstretched as if pleading for help, lay another female mannequin. The sounds of the water hose hitting the side of the building; yells of the firefighters outside, groaning and crackling as the fire devours the house all fade into a deafening and suffocating silence. The silence rings in Eren’s ears, disorientating him as he stumbles forward, and he falls to his knees in front of the mannequin. His eyes sting and the smoke makes it increasingly harder to see. His chest constricts and every heartbeat feels forced and lethargic.

 

To him, the mannequin is no longer a lifeless doll, lying undecorated merely as a prop in an exam.

 

He sees long brown hair now coming lose out of its braid. He sees how the brown eyes are now red from the smoke and the tears running down the soot stained cheeks. He sees how the arm is outstretched not only to tell her children to leave her, but also begging to be saved.

 

But he hadn’t saved her.

 

He was too weak.

 

Eren is too numb at first to feel someone roughly shaking his shoulder. He drearily turns his head and sees Levi, blackened and dirty. His eyes are wide and he seems to be shouting. He’s pulling at Eren to get up but it feels as if he’s weighed down.

 

What is Levi so worked up about?

 

What’s going on?

 

Levi then gets to his knees and manages to turn Eren slightly so he can grab both shoulders. He throttles Eren none too gently and seems to be shouting even harder.

 

Is Levi…

 

Crying?

 

Levi furrows his brows then in a sudden flash of determination. He takes his hands from his shoulders and grips the back of Eren’s helmet.

 

Eren, still struggling through a daze of murky thoughts, barely registers Levi’s lips forming other words before those lips are pressed against his own.

 

All at once, everything snaps back into startling clarity. The heat of the fire burns at Eren’s skin and the smoke is suffocating him and filling his eyes. And Levi is kissing him.

 

It feels as if Levi’s kiss is the oxygen he needs to battle against the fire and to wake up.

 

Levi pulls back and repeats what he said before he kissed Eren, only this time, Eren hears it clearly and reacts immediately.

 

“Please don’t leave me, Eren,” Levi says hoarsely.

 

Eren whispers back, vocal chords shot, “Sir, yes, sir.”

 

And then he stands, his legs feeling none of the weakness he felt before, his head no longer filled with the suffocating smoke. But instead of following Levi out like the Captain probably wants him to, Eren leans over the mannequin and in one quick movement picks up the fallen beam and tosses it off of her, almost making it look too easy. He scoops the dummy into his arms and then strides purposefully towards the exit, Levi urging him on silently but not leaving his side.

 

Eren crosses the threshold and makes it to where the other mannequins are, setting his down gently. He pulls off his helmet and salutes, facing Levi.

 

“Mission complete, sir,” he croaks, cracking a grin and Levi just looks at him for a moment before huffing and giving Eren a small, exasperated smile. But the smile disappears quickly as Eren suddenly pitches forward, strength completely spent.

 

Levi catches him for the second time that day.

 

“Eren! Eren!” Levi shouts, cradling Eren in his arms. As Levi continues to shout and fade out of hearing again, Eren wonders idly if maybe Levi will kiss him awake again.

 

And he passes out.

 

~~~~~

 

Levi was reining himself in the whole day. He kept himself from bodily harming those little shits through sheer willpower alone. Their incessant bullying grated him and made him so angry it was all he could do to keep his arms crossed and hands curled up into fists. They seemed intent on making him fail the Evaluation. Levi had to hold himself back then as well before he sprayed Ymir in the face with the hose and shoved Jean directly into a fire.

 

But he is just so proud of how that little brat handled it.

 

That familiar fire seemed to return to Eren’s eyes as he scaled the building and got the first mannequin in record time, shocking almost all of the spectators. He even managed to find the hidden mannequin which usually gave the Trainee’s the most trouble. But then he went back in.

 

There were only four mannequins. What the hell was that kid doing?

 

But after a minute passes, and then another, Levi suddenly felt a cold wash of dread. On some instinct, he looked at Erwin and saw a grim look on his face. The other trainees had stopped and were just watching the building, making no move to get Eren.

 

Levi took a step forward and he sees Erwin shakes his head firmly.

 

As Levi dove into the still burning house, he gave Erwin the middle finger.

 

He scratched around the house, poking his head into different rooms to try and find Eren and there, in the kitchen was the boy. He was unmindful of the flames and smoke almost gravitating towards him, numbly hunched over before a mannequin pinned down by a fallen beam. That beam would be far too heavy to lift – especially alone. Why wasn’t he doing anything?

 

And then the situation clicked into place, matching the situation that was jotted down in a report all those years ago.

 

He grabbed Eren. Shouted at him to snap out of it. But it was like Eren couldn’t really see or hear him. It was like Eren was asleep.

 

Or dead.

 

“Eren.”

 

Levi gripped the back of Eren’s helmet.

 

“Please… don’t leave me, Eren.”

 

And he kissed him.

 

It was not a romantic kiss. Definitely not. The helmets clanking against each other made sure of that. But it was definitely a powerful one.

 

It was as if Levi had breathed life into Eren.

 

“Please don’t leave me, Eren,” Levi said again and watched those eyes that had seemed dead before swirl with life and emotion.

 

“Sir, yes, sir.”

 

Levi is proud. Or at least he _was_ proud until that little shit _overworked himself_ and _passed out._

 

He picks the kid up and carries him to the medics, a motion that gives him a sense of déjà vu.

 

_Does this kid even **eat**?_ He thinks, as he presses him to his chest.

 

This time, he actually lets go of Eren for the medics to examine him but he still waits by his side. Determined not to leave.

 

But then he caught sight of the other Trainees.

 

He stalks towards them angrily and several of the Survey Corps jump up to intercept him. He ends up having to be held back by Petra, who had been Eren’s Shadow, before he can truly release his anger on the other Trainees. He feels the rage overflow at the thought that they had just _left their comrade to die_.

 

“If it were up to me, I’d fail you all,” Levi snarls and jerks against Petra’s hold, “Spineless cowards who leave their friends to die are not fit to graduate. They’re not fit to _live_. How dare you all fucking act like self-entitled children when you have no fucking _idea_ of what’s happening. I’ll fucking kill you. _I’ll fucking kill you!_ ”

 

Erwin steps in between Levi and the now wide-eyed trainees and Levi snarls at him too. What the fuck was he supposed to do? Let the kid _die?_

 

“Levi. Enough.”

 

As if his own will is being drained away, Levi suddenly feels weak. When Petra releases him, he almost falls forward. Erwin takes charge of the Trainees and Levi turns away. Petra looks after him with sorry eyes but he doesn’t pay any more attention to her. He simply returns to Eren’s side and doesn’t leave. Even when the medic gives him a stern look.

 

When the ambulance is set to leave, Levi clambers up and seats himself next to Eren. He doesn’t let go of Eren’s hand until they reach the hospital and the paramedics have to wheel him in, then satisfying himself with being Eren’s personal escort.

 

The people in the hospital were, needless to say, a little surprised to see a dirty, ash stained Firefighter following a boy on a gurney around like a particularly vicious Guard Dog.

 


End file.
